


Train of Thoughts

by 11ThisIsMe04



Category: The 100 (TV), clexa - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Feels, Clexa, Constant Staring, Diary/Journal, F/F, Intense, Romance, Self-Reflection, Train Rides
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-22
Updated: 2016-03-02
Packaged: 2018-04-10 16:18:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 59,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4398842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11ThisIsMe04/pseuds/11ThisIsMe04
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We were like Asymptote. We get closer and closer every minutes but never actually meet. Sad? Maybe. Destiny? Who knows. But I know one thing for sure. The first time my eyes laid on you, I knew you were different.</p><p>A.K.A. Clarke saw Lexa across the train platform and ended up ogling at her for days. Lexa saw Clarke across the platform and started staring at her. They started this "stare off" contest "discreetly" and secretly crushing on each other. Until their lives intertwined with the people that they will meet in their journey in the train.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Map To You

**Author's Note:**

> This story mainly focuses on the point of view of Clarke and Lexa respectively. Telling the story on how things started and what they felt in a journal entry monologue and story line. 
> 
> How this both characters slowly and enticingly attracted each others eyes among the crowd... BUT in a discreet way. Meaning Clarke doesn't know that Lexa was staring. Lexa doesn't know that Clarke was staring. Until things get a little obvious. You know, those kind of "feels". Until their feelings and lives intertwined by the people that they will meet throughout their journey in the train. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy this one. My second try on fanfic. Deeply appreciate those comments, hits and kudos! 
> 
> Cheers! :*

========= Lexa Heda ==========

We were like Asymptote. We get closer and closer every minutes but never actually meet. Sad? Maybe. Destiny? Who knows. But I know one thing for sure. The first time my eyes laid on you, I knew you were different.

\----------------

I sprinted across the street, swerving in between bumpers congesting the busy street. It was not my kind of day. I knew something was off the moment my eyes flicked open. The feeling that nothing could go any good. I cursed as I saw the wide television flashing "arriving". I scrambled my feet towards the gantry and took the stairs two at a time to the platform.

I was panting hard. I was gripping the railing to pull myself up. As I landed on the last steps, I took a deep U-turn to my right and as quick as a flash, I ran towards the opened train door. But as quick as blink of an eye, the door shut before me. Closing another opportunity. I cussed at my alarm clock. I cussed at the traffic.  I cussed at my slowness. I cussed at the train. That day was never better than any other.

Fast as the train left the station, as fast as my mood changed. Dark clouds were above me. Everywhere I look were filled with pessimism. My face was worse than the "grinch" who stole christmas. There was nothing left to be feeling good about on that day. I had decided on that.

I walked along the platform looking up at the tv monitor, checking for the next train. I folded my arms and tapped my feet impatiently. Something very common in the fast paced city like Polis. I, Lexa Heda was never a patient girl. I like things that are snappy, fast and quick-witted. I want it done and done. Nothing in this world changes the way I look at things. I want in control. A Controlling Lexa is a happy Lexa.

That was what I kept telling myself. I want to lead people in the future. I want them to see me and have respect, and so will I. Nothing in this planet could manoeuvre me. I am at the top of my game. Those were the thoughts of my day.

I walked back to my initial position and waited, huffing, puffing and grunting relentlessly. My brows were furrowed in determination as if summoning the train to come faster. As if calling for it to abide my commands.

2 minutes had passed the track was still deserted. I groaned in my misery. I scratched my neck and hissed under my breath. I crinkled my forehead and I pinched the bridge of my nose. The train was never late. This is Polis for crying out loud!

I skewed my sight where the direction of the train will be coming from. Waiting for the headlights to blind me in broad day light. But I was brought to my disappointment. There was nothing but blistering heat creating a wavy air atmosphere. I shook my head in dismay. I moaned in annoyance and blasphemy. What is going on?

This was the longest wait I have ever did. This was new. This was out of the ordinary. This is not normal. This is uncanny. Weird. All words that describes of "out of this world" context could portray the happenings. This is Polis for crying out loud!

I, Lexa Heda do not wait. But for some unknown reason I still did. I redirected my vision to the opposite platform. Giving menacing glares and flaring nostrils. Giving people chills as I watched them look at me and automatically bow down their heads or look away instantly. As if there was far more fascinating things to look at than my face.

Cool breeze passed by, blowing my brown fuzzy hair out of my face. I angled my face as it perfectly kissed my contoured outline. The once in a life time perks of Polis. I closed my eyes trying,  _trying_ to breathe out the impatient and grudge in me. Doing my best to live up to the expectations of the world that You Only Live Once. None sensical? Perhaps. But we still follow the growing trend. The pop culture that the world delivers to us.

I opened my eyes and I found myself squinting. I was blinded by the sudden out burst of the sun as it hits the glimmering gold. A gold that stands across me. The Gold that interrupted my train of thoughts. The Gold that stole my thoughts away from my rigid mind. Who stole away the breath that I was entitled for.

I furrowed my brows and glared at it deadly. Threateningly. But it still shines before me. I couldn't deny it. I was engrossed by it. I was captured by its shine and its glory. The color the flooded my eyes. The mixture of Gold and Blue. A combination that seemed common but indistinguishable. But yet, I found myself astounded. Stunned. Because out of all the things that happened today, I cant seemed to remember any traces of it.

You, Gold, stole it from me. You took away my strength. My stone that helped me stood tall and proud. And now I'm aimlessly leaning on the dirty and graffitied wall of the train station. Staring back at you, Gold.

You boggled my mind. Are you confused as I am? Maybe. I can see the abashed expression that was written all over your glorious face. The face that seemed to imprint on my mind permanently. The nose. The lips. The blue eyes. And the golden hair. Gold, you seemed to shape as a human. A human being that was staring back at me.

What are you thinking? Tell me. Because I certainly do not know. My mind was pretty much the same except the only picture that was vividly etched on my mind was your figure stood rooted across the platform from me.

Did you feel it? The tension. The growing and imminent battle between us. Who could turn away first? Who could turn away the fastest? But astonishingly, none of us did.

I hated you. I hated what you did to me. I hated how I cant control my head. My mind. My movements, that was now walking towards the gap between us. Just few more steps and I'll be falling. Deliberately. Initiated. Figuratively.

One last step. One last blink. And all I can see was a blur. One big slurred vision. I immediately took a step back and caught my breath. Caught my head back from the game. Caught my consciousness from the tug of war.

The train zoomed passed before my eyes, with every blink of the Gold in front of me. Every blink as if it was intentionally meant to be like that. The noise flooded the station. People started to buzz. Something that I did not realised that I was too, turned deaf by the moment. By  _your_ moment.

I shook my head in grimace. Taking away every piercing thoughts of you, Gold. How you blinded me. How you took control every inch of my living body. Did you know you had that control over me?... Neither did I.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're late!" Anya barked, audaciously looking at her in the corner of her eyes.

Lexa scampered towards her desk and rebooted her computer.  _This is so not my day!_  She stifled a long draggy sigh and wheeled around to her right.

"Jesus!" She squealed, patting her chest to calm down her nervous system. Anya stood, crossed arms, leaning against the partition that separates Lexa's desk to others. Conspicuously towering over her.

"Im sorry Im late, Anya. It wont happen again. I swear," Lexa asserted giving Anya a firm and determined look.

This was not what she was expecting on that day. That day supposed to be the day that she had been waiting for. The day that she had been spending night after night researching and rehearsing in front the mirror would finally paid off. The day had finally came to meet Lexa's fate.

"It better be," Anya muttered, then uncrossed her arms. "Are you ready?"

Lexa nodded doubtlessly.  _Forget about what happened. Put it aside. Focus. Get your head in the game._

"Good. I will see you in the board room in half an hour," Anya enunciated, wheeling around but before leaving she gave the brunette a one full look. "And fix up a little bit. You're  _very_ disheveled." She added, giving the brunette a raised eye brow.

Lexa nodded again intently, staring at the tall woman's figure as it turns right towards her office with ferocity and purpose.  And that is Anya the "witch" of the Marketing Department. Lexa's Alpha. Lexa's one and only boss that constantly breathes down her neck every waking moment... But also known as Lexa's Best Friend. There was so much irony as you can see.

Half an hour later, Lexa stood pacing up and down outside the board room waiting for Anya's cue for her to come in. She heard shuffled of feet coming nearer and so was her imminent cold sweat along her hairline. Anya opened the door with a creak and nodded at Lexa.

Lexa unconsciously patted down her hair and took a final deep breath. She stepped inside the danger zone hoping for the best.  _There's no turning back now._

///////////////

"That was amazing, Lexa! I'm proud of you!" Anya beamed at her, tearing down the "witch" face. Lexa could see that the boss atmosphere was off and her best friend is back.

Lexa squealed in joy jumping over Anya's towering shoulders. She felt  ecstatic that it went well than she had hoped for. Be damned her horrible day went because nothing could compare with what she was feeling as of the moment.

"Oh my god, Anya! I was just on fire..." Lexa bubbled on, losing words to say.

"Okay. Calm down, baby girl. The results isn't out yet. But I have a feeling you'll get the promotion," Anya murmured, giving the grinning girl a smirk. " _But_ let's not get our hopes up too much. We still have a lot of things to do before the major event. Capish?"

"Of course. Of course." Lexa nodded intently, trying to pull back her train of thoughts to her planning. "I'm on it!" Pulling her swivel chair out and sat down gingerly.

"Good! Let's get back to work," Anya articulated with conviction. Lexa sensed that her boss is back. She nodded at her and dived back down to her red journal.

That day had turned from pitch black and so was Lexa's ghastly face. She thought she had decided for that day nothing will go well. Feeling the impending thunder storm and heavy outpour that would turn her day into a total disaster. But then something within her switched on the button. The button that sparked every single strand of nerve in her. She felt it still lingering in her very veins. Still throbbing in her head.

Lexa shook her head in high spirit. Still grinning from ear to ear. As if nothing in this world could break down those wall that pooled all her inner happiness and enthusiasm.  _All is well._

\-------------------------

I never knew that this was it will turned out to be. I thought I would lose all my hope and that karma would crawl up to me and say, "Hi!" I mean I shouldn't have drank finished the milk carton, I should have washed the dishes last night or I should have made my bed this morning. But I guess there's more into life than believing in karma. All is definitely well.

I closed my planner shut and rubbed my eyes trying to clear the sleepiness in my eyes. I broke out a long yawn and craned my neck around the department and realised that I was on my own again. I tsk-ed and turned off my computer. This got to be worth it Lexa. You have something to prove not only to yourself but to others. You have got what it takes.

I pressed my phone awake and watched the time "11:40pm" glaring at me. I cussed because there's no way was I was going to miss the last train again. I hastily grabbed my bag and stowed my stuff inside, ignoring that it was already overflowing with files after files.

What I knew for one thing, I was not good at catching up train timings. Reason being? I have no idea. Perhaps the mere fact that I got caught up with the moment. The planning. The work environment. The fast paced atmosphere... Or the new scenery that I found this fateful morning. I chuckled to myself feeling ridiculously elated but confused at the same time.

Gold, you got me thinking about you again. Wondering if I'll ever see you again. But I know it was just once in a life time chance to see someone. To catch someone's eyes among the crowd. To catch a glimpse of a person's eyes and have  _that_ moment. As if nothing else matters but the attraction. The tug of war. Or the feeling like it was the first time opening your eyes and seeing something so profound. So beautiful. So blinding.

Gold, that's what you did to me. And honestly, I felt scared...  _but_ excited. I felt afraid because of what you did to me. Or what you could potentially do to me. I know it was just the first time that we saw each other (or so I thought) but you already have the magnetic pull over me. I shook my head feeling this ridiculous bubbling sensation with the even slightest thoughts of your face, your hair, your eyes.

Will you be there? Maybe. Do I get to see you again? I hope so. Am I willing to risk it again and make me feel  _that?_ *sigh* I don't know. Why am I even thinking to that certain extent? I hardly knew you. And you certainly do not know me...

========= Clarke Griffin ===========

There you were again. I thought you weren't coming at all. I've already missed 3 trains just see your face. *sigh* I know it may sound stalky-ish but I mean no harm. I'm fine just admiring you from a far. Across the platform. With a big gap between us. I could still remember the first time I saw you. I could totally feel my mouth forming the letter 'O'. It was like something out from a movie. It went like this.

I was busy struggling with my bike. You have no idea how much I hated cycling. I mean even simple form of exercise for example... jogging could turn into my worse nightmare. But of course, my mom insisted me to take the bike to the hospital to have at least a form of "exercise". To at least break some sweat. To have me panting for awhile. *sigh* Parents, seriously.

But that day something weird happened and the chain were off their gears. And to be honest I have no time to even fix it and have my hands all greased up. I couldn't careless. So the last resort was taking the train. I squeezed through the throng of people rushing to get to the "arriving" train. Something that I completely forgot about, was how hectic and greatly aggravating it is to be submerged within the large crowd of people. Hissing, cussing and bellowing at each other because this guy stepped on this guy's foot. Or because this lady shoved this other lady too hard. Oh and not forgetting the walk of shame. The dishevelled hair and clothes, the 'odour' that emits out of their greatly used and well spent night. It was indeed a sight to see.

And I would just laughed. Despite the permanent sleepy, annoyed and tired faces on many commuters. Here I am taking my final step up the stairs and into the platform grinning and laughing discreetly to myself, people watching. It was a really fascinating thing to see. Something that I miss doing after entering the work force.

I walked up behind the yellow line and waited patiently. Crossing my arms and nodding my head as I listen to the beat of the drums and the strum of the guitar. That was when I saw you. You were standing there on your own. Straight back. Fully office clothed. Hair neatly laid behind your back. Your face though. No matter how much the people behind you were making a ruckus. Your face still remained stoic. Like it was completely not your business. Like you couldn't care less. And that made me watch you more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Damn it!" Clarke cursed, shoving her bike against the garage wall. "Oh well!"

And skipped towards the kitchen happily, "Mom, there's something wrong with the bike. The chain were off the gear." Clarke informed her mom.  _Pretending_ to look sad and puppy eyes.

"Oh dear... Would you like me to send you to the hospital? My shift is not until noon," Abby initiated.

"Oh no its fine, mom. I'll just take the train. You should rest before your shift," Clarke mumbled and kissed her mom goodbye.

Clarke exited out of the front door and walked towards the train station. It had been awhile since she did her walking. She definitely missed the moments of self reflection and blaring music in her ears. Something she cant do when riding the bike because she have to focus on the road. She hummed and sang along with the song playing in her ears.

She took her final steps up the platform, giggling and shaking her heads at the sights that she deeply enjoyed. The scowls and frustrations on people's faces as they push and cussed silently under their breath. Nothing beats the morning rush hour. Clarke sighed and waited patiently for the train.

Her eyes were wandering, looking and watching people screaming and giving menacing looks at each other. Even across the opposite platform weren't an exception. Clarke covered her mouth at the laughter that was about to escape from her mouth.

"Get yourself together, Clarke," she reminded herself, puffing her cheeks still trying to swallow back her giggle. Clarke let out a long breathy sigh and averted vision away from the two gentleman in fine suits that were about to rumble. That was when she saw her.

Clarke squinted her eyes, thinking if what she was really seeing was real. Everything went into a slow motion just like in the movies. She could feel her mouth agape. Among all people, her face stood out of the crowd. Is it the hair? Perhaps. The way she stands? Close. Or is it the most compelling stoic face she portrays? Most definitely.

Despite the people behind her were now grabbing each others' necks, shouting vulgarities and the gathering crowd. The girl was still standing at a short distance, unmoved and still looking oblivious. As if there was nothing wrong. As if she have her own little world. Clarke smiled. Feeling the fresh and new scenery. Feeling the curiosity taking over her obscured mind.

A couple of minutes had passed, Clarke still found herself staring and studying the girl's movements. The way she mindlessly scratch her forehead. Rubbing the tip of her nose. Pursing her lips making it more redder.

The blonde took a step forward to have a better view...

"Woah!" She exclaimed, taking a stride back bumping against a grumpy lady who glared and mumbled profanities audibly. "Im sorry." Clarke apologised and turned back at the train rushing before her.

She stood straighter and adjusted her bag over her shoulder, and waited for the train to fully stop.

"That was close," Clarke mumbled, as she stepped inside the jam packed train. People started pushing in, grunting and tsk-ing. Clarke was stuck facing a plump man with a ridiculously sweaty and strong body odour. She tried to turn to her right, squeezing in with her bag against her chest.

"Sorry..." Clarke mumbled, accidentally stepping on some guy's foot. She sighed and came face to face with another guy in a greasy shirt, openly smirking at her.  _Oh great another weirdo._

She tentatively turned another 90 degree to her right and grunted.

"Great way to be a human sardine," Clarke mumbled sarcastically, rolling her eyes at herself.

"Tell me about it,"

Clarke snapped her eyes from the source of the voice and found a guy in a leather jacket, with long light-brown hair swaying against his fully amused face, staring down at her. Clarke suddenly bursted into laughter, making the stranger contagiously laughed along with her. The crowd stared at them in a puzzlement but Clarke nonchalantly brushed it off.

"Finn," the stranger nodded at her, after relentlessly failed trying to fork out his hands for a handshake.

The blonde giggled roughly and then cleared her throat. "Clarke."

 _Well this is a good way to meet new people._ She thought to herself while nodding and smiling at Finn's continuous blabber about his work and a very strange and disturbed boss.  _Yupp, definitely a good way._

\-------------------------------------------

I met this guy name, Finn. He was a great guy, had a fun time talking to him for the next half an hour of my journey. He had some really hilarious and strange stories about his work and most definitely his boss. Who apparently only talks to their Director and no one else. ( No social life, I presume.) Who strangely only goes home at midnight every single day. Strange? Hhhmm... Maybe. Hard working? I could definitely take that answer. I mean there has to be some reasonable explanation on her uncanny regime. The change of aura. The zombie walking. The chills he gets whenever she walks passed him. The absurd eating habits. There's got to be more than what Finn was saying.

I shook my head in disdain. But nonetheless, it was great meeting a great guy like Finn. Who was very passionate and determine to reach his goal or his life long dreams. Something that I, myself was very hopeful for as well. Following to pursuit my dream as the best doctor in town and then later, in the world. Up to the point you get to travel across countries to heal and help people in dire needs. Such a cliche thing to say but I'm serious on this one.

What made me so passionate was that I looked up to my mom. Following her footsteps. Living it up to be a legend myself. Though I was just starting and there will still be bountiful experiences and trials to face, I, Clarke Griffin will be ready. I will be ready to face those moments. And no one can stop me.

It had been a day since the last time I met Finn, I had not met him anymore after that. Though I was slightly disappointed to miss out our conversation. But I was still more skewed towards my eye candy. This morning was something different. I was beaten when the 8:15am train already arrived and you were still out of sight. I was hesitant to ride the train. I wanted to see you so badly. So I did the most ridiculous thing.

I waited.

I waited patiently. I could do that. Plus I'm a future doctor in training, it has to be in my blood to be patient. I walked up and down the platform, scrutinising every faces just in case I missed you out, Eye Candy. After the 8:15am train left, then the second one, then the third one and I was about to lose hope. Maybe sometimes being optimistic about everything was not that all good. I took a deep heavy breath and sighed. Biting my inner cheek and deciding to take the next train. I was going to be late anyways. There goes my coffee run.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clarke crossed her arms and furrowed her brows in much disappointment. It had been 2 consecutive days that she had been watching the brunette  in the corner of her eyes. And on the 3rd day she was nowhere to be seen, though she was absolutely sure that the girl always takes the 8:15am train.

She shut her eyes for a brief moment and listened intently on the headset. The upbeat rhythm and the excitement that it brings. Summoning back the enthusiasm that Clarke lost while frantically searching for the brunette. Clarke smiled, slowly opening her eyes. But in an instant her lips turned into a straight line. Cold sweat started to protrude out of her white skin. Her throat became more husky and rough. It was as if she was found guilty from doing something illegal. And weirdly enough, the song changed into a soothing and melodic rhythm. Bells started ringing in Clarke's ear.

The girl was there. In font of her. The girl that she had been desperately seeking for, for three trains ago. Clarke felt her heart beat pounding off her chest. She gripped her bag tighter, hopelessly wishing that what she was seeing was not real. Because it seems like - to Clare's perspective - the brunette was staring back at her.  _Not_ the crowd behind her. But d _irectly_ at her.  _Straight into her eyes._

 _What am I gonna do? Did she caught me staring at her every morning?_ Clarke profusely thought to herself.

She wanted to break the tension. She wanted to look away because her legs were betraying her. The atmosphere turned sour. Despite the mixture of cool and warmth breeze that gushed against her rigid body, she was still oddly perspiring.  _Does she know?_  Clarke watched in horror as the girl started to walk towards her. Closing the distance between them. She was going for the gap.  _Don't fall!_ The blonde aimlessly exclaimed inside her head.

Clarke took a step forward feeling afraid that the girl might do something stupid. But she was abruptly interrupted by the train flashed before her. Dragging away the tension and stiffness that was evidently exhibiting on the blonde's body. Clarke stood aside and heaved a heavy sigh and stepped inside the already packed cabin. She tried to angle herself away from the obvious unwanted commuters until she was leaning against the wall. She closed her eyes for a good one minute, trying to regain back her breathing.  _That was close._

=========== Lexa Heda ===============

I opened my eyes that morning and wondered if I should still take the 8:15am train. Because the mere thought of you, Gold, kept blinding me. I couldn't help but ponder if you'll be there or not. But I beat my thoughts and decided to take my initial train ride. I quickly took a shower and prepared my files that were poorly spewed all over my desk. I heaved a sigh and squinted my eyes. Couldn't help but yawn at how late I slept last night. There was so much things to do. But so little time.

I rubbed my forehead in tiredness and trudged down the stairs. My dad was gone early again. What's new right? I hardly ever saw him anyways. I immediately chewed down the already made waffle and took an apple on my way to the train station. I took a bite and thought of many things. One thing was the marketing strategy that Anya and I had to finish formulating. Two, delegating each tasks to our subordinates. And three, was you, Gold. Wondering if I'll get to see you again. Isn't it weird that no matter what I was going through on my day.  _You were always a part of it._

I sprinted back to the platform at my original spot and discreetly looking back and forth the opposite platform. I know it sounded absurd and silly. But I couldn't help myself, Gold. I have to. You have no idea how much I tried to get you out of my head. But something, there always has to be something that reminds me of you. Its outrageous!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_**Riinngg Riinngg Riinngg** _

Lexa was suddenly jerked out of her reverie and immediately dug deeper into her bag.

"Shit, where is it?" Lexa cussed rummaging through her things, frantically patting at the bottom of her bag for her ringing phone.

Finally, she found it and grunted upon seeing who the caller was. Lexa pressed answer and groaned, "Whaaatt?"

"Wow! Goodmorning to you too, Heda," The caller sarcastically replied back.

Lexa rubbed her forehead and sighed, "What do you want, Reyes?"

"Oh you know... The usuals. Frappe, you know the drill," Raven requested, letting off an audible silence. And of course Lexa knew what was about to come.

"Spill, Reyes. What do you wanna ask?" Lexa grumpily asked. Folding her free arm under her propped up arm, sighing for the imminent pending question that Raven will be asking her.

Lexa could hear Raven giggled from the other end and then muttered, "Oh you know  _who."_

" _Who,_ Raven? Look I don't have time for this, I have to get to work." Lexa puffed annoyingly, she hated it when people beat around the bush and not going straight to the point.

"Okay! The mystery girl! The train girl. The blondie!" Raven exclaimed with so much energy and eagerness.

"What?! How did you--..." Lexa yelped, too loudly. That she attracted attention from the people around her. She grunted and menacingly uttered her following words, "Anyaaaa..."

"Is she there? Do you see her? Is she looking at you?" Raven asked profusely.

 _Oh if only could stuff a sock down your throat, Raven._ Lexa unconsciously squinted her eyes across the platform and indeed there was the girl. Coming out of the stairs and into the platform. She gulped down the growing lump in her throat realising that the girl still have an effect on her. The blonde was still as beautiful as the last time she saw her. Or maybe even more.

Lexa heard a muffled sound from her ears and dawned on her that she was still on the phone with Raven.

"Uh, yeah. She's here. I've... I've got to go Rae. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Lexa! Wait! Wait--"

Lexa shut her phone off and dropped it inside her bag. She was still eyeing the girl meticulously. Oh yes, she had been trying to play it cool. Folding her arms across her chest, standing up even more straighter, looking straight ahead but still watching the blonde in the corner of her eyes. The blonde was now adjusting her headphones, nodding her head to some unknown beat. She was too, seemingly looking up and down the platform. Appears to be looking for someone. Lexa suddenly broke into cold sweat. She had this strong feeling that she was the one that the blonde was looking for. Lexa stood rooted to the ground, looking away for a brief moment. Checking her watch, counting the minutes until the train would arrive.

"You've got 3 minutes, Lex. What are you gonna do?" Lexa mumbled under her breath. Scanning the growing crowd gathering around the provided indicators where will be the train entrances will be. Lexa could see young and old, never failing to show the sleepiness and annoyance on their little faces.

The brunette directed her eyes back to the blonde and Lexa almost felt her heart jumped out of her chest. The continuous pounding was getting louder, it getting nearer to her ears. Everything drummed out. Everything turned muffled, the wailing cries of the babies, the loud and rowdy chatter of many commuters, the relenting shuffles and footsteps of the people around her. All of it seemed to faint as Lexa watched the blonde stares back at her intently. Giving the brunette chills down her spine.  _What am I gonna do?_

Lexa gulped down her sudden predicament and tried to act normal. Like she didn't see anything, but it was  _so_ obvious that the blonde saw her staring back. She tried to regain her breathing, trying to clear her head from slide showing the blonde's radiant face. Lexa turned away, picked up her phone and naturally typed away.

_**(8:13) Lexa BFF: Omg, A! She's staring back at me! What am I going to do? Reply ASAP!!!** _

_**(8:14) Anya: What?! Who?! The blonde girl? Then wave back! For crying out loud, Lexa! Do something for yourself for once!** _

Lexa read the last line over and over again.  _Do something for yourself for once._ _That's right, Lexa. Do something about it._ She furrowed her brows and crinkled her nose.

"This is ridiculous!" Lexa mumbled, biting down her lips as she carefully and secretly stole glances at the blonde. "Shit!" She hissed.  _She's still staring at me! Do it, Lexa. Smile. Nod. Wave back. Do something!_ The brunette coolly looked away, couldn't help but feel the bubbling sensation in the pit of her stomach. Feeling like butterflies bumping into each. She broke into a smile and looked up, as if summoning her inner demon to bring back her stoic face.

And as it slowly recedes back to its initial position, Lexa stared back at the blonde, who in a flash turned away. She saw the blonde craning her neck from side to side, looking in pain as she slowly massaged her neck. Lexa couldn't help but smirked, the stoic face was gone again, and there goes her shield. She felt naked without her shield. Most especially when people started approaching randomly.

"Okay, do this for once, Lex," The brunette murmured, she nodded and watched the girl diverted her sight back to her.  _Now!_ Lexa raised her hand above her head and....

Lexa immediately stumbled back as the train flashed across her, breaking trance that she was in.  _I was about to wave. I. Was. About. To. Freaking. Wave._ Lexa couldn't believe what she almost do. She shook her head in bewilderment and dropped her arm to her side.

"What is happening to me?" Lexa asked herself desperately, shoving her hands through her hair and groaned. "Don't let her get inside your head, Lexa. Don't even try!"

The brunette stepped inside the clammy and crammed cabin, trying to tactically position herself away from sweaty guys, stale breath people or ladies and gents who just had their nights out. Lexa leaned against the glass panel in the corner of the cabin and sighed deeply. She pinched the bridge of her nose and folded her arms.  _Never do that again, Lexa. That was stupid. Imbecile!_ Everything within the cabin turned incredibly loud and Lexa didn't even noticed at how loud the cabin was. The grinding of the wheels of the train over the tracks. The ruckus it makes making the cabin shake relentlessly. People yelling, crying babies and even the silent breathing of the people around her. It was definitely weird.

Lexa took a final breath and decided to forget about the blonde because nothing will happened between them anyways. She nodded at that decision and aimlessly stared out of the window. Thinking absolutely nothing until something glimmering hit back from the window itself. She squinted her eyes and craned her neck, inspecting what was that glimmering reflection. She turned to her left and she almost forgot to breathe.

=========== Clarke Griffin ==============

"Clarke, I've already had Wells fixed your bike again. I think you need a new one. That's the third time in a row. Its very weird." Abby called out from the Kitchen.

Clarke whipped her head towards her mom's direction, stammering, thinking of an excuse to not use the bike again. "Uummm... I think it's going to rain mom." Walking up behind Abby by the sink, making it obvious by squinting through the sink window looking at the  _bright cloudless_ sky. "I can't use the bike if its going to rain. You wouldn't want me to get sick right, mom?" Looking back to her mom's disappointed face. 

"I don't think---" Abby trailed off, feeling stunned as her daughter hastily kissed her on the cheek and stormed out of the backdoor with a loud thud as it hits back the door frame, hearing just a faint goodbye. Abby tsk-ed in much annoyance, as she continued washing the dishes.

Clarke sprinted towards the train station, meandering through the busy street of Polis. Feeling the strong adrenaline rush coursing through her veins. Enhancing her every movements and senses.  _Feeling excited Clarke?_ Clarke chuckled, shaking her head at how ridiculous she was feeling at that moment.

She squeezed through the gantry and darted up the stairs. Clarke calmly positioned herself at her original spot and gingerly adjusted her headset. The blaring of the music was in sync with the beat of her heart. The excitement had escalated fast and furiously. She bobbed her head to the beat and discreetly surveyed the opposite platform for the familiar face. It took Clarke a moment to find her because she couldn't recognised her. The blonde hitched a breath as she laid her eyes on the girl. Feeling the beat of her heart tripled. Her hands started to get clammy, she patted it down her pants and stared back at the girl who for the first time that Clarke ever saw, had her hair up in a high bun.

She was like a little ballerina. Standing tall with grace and feistiness.  _She's looking away. I guess its safe to look._ Clarke thought to herself, ignoring the fact that the brunette was then off her phone and also staring back at her.

"Shoot!" Clarke hissed under her breath,  _She saw you staring and now she's looking away. She must have found me a weirdo. Damn it, Clarke!_

Clarke slowly started to recede back, avoiding the perfectly chiselled face away from her eyes. She bit her inner cheek still trying to deter herself from ogling. But the blonde couldn't help it. She couldn't help but feel the chills running up and down her face, her arms or her legs.

"This is ridiculous!" Clarke exclaimed in a loud breathe-y voice. The lady beside her jumped,feeling startled by the blonde. "I'm sorry." Clarke mumbled, nodding at the lady who was then walking away from her morbidly.  _Seriously? I'm not crazy!_ She thought to herself, shaking her head at her predicament. Clarke gradually turned her head towards the brunette and watched the scrawny feature emitting out of the girl's face. As she was battling some inner demons inside of her.

Clarke took a quick breath and broke into a smile. But then again...

"Always a perfect timing. Great job, Polis!" Clarke mumbled, as the train came rushing in into the station.

She stepped inside the dank atmosphere of the cabin. People started shoving in, and Clarke had been easily manipulated and played along like a puppet by this people. She grunted and puffed and just followed through where ever the wave leads her to. Perhaps it was something she would regret doing? Maybe. Or perhaps it was meant to be? Maybe too. But Clarke was sure for one thing. She definitely couldn't breathe.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I swiftly turned my back on you. Why I did that? I don't know. Because I was scared? Maybe. Feeling nervous to the core? Most definitely. I tried to breathe normally, but it seems like I can't. Is the oxygen in the cabin is running low? It is because there's so much people that their depleting the oxygen? But I know one thing for certain,  _You_ were a part of that reason.

I grabbed the cold handle pole by the seats and balanced my feet. The train was rattling more than usual, making me stumbled backwards. I froze up by the moment, as I felt my back brushed against yours. Dang! I bit my inner cheek and crumpled my eye brow. The strong sensation the shoot on my back, are now spreading to every inch of my body. My senses were heightened. My mind was more awake than ever. My eyes couldn't be controlled from stealing glances at you, Eye Candy.

I blew a one long shaky breath and pretended that nothing else matters. That you don't matter. I focused my eyes at the two small boys in school uniforms playing action figure on the seat and thought of the days when I could just admire you from a distance. I guess my head betrayed me again, because here I am thinking about you again. The cabin shook once more and felt the brush again. I hitched a breath and took a step forward.

I can't handle this. Not right now. The cabin door automatically opened from across me and several commuters left with the usual grunts. I quickly took a detour towards the other side of the cabin and once I felt that travellers were gathered enough behind me. I swiftly turned around and looked at you. But you were gone.

============= Lexa Heda ==============

"Anya let's go." Lexa ushered, as she popped her head at Anya's small office.

Anya took her files and followed Lexa towards the board room. As the ladies passed through the office cubicles at their department, people one by one started standing up and hurriedly followed like little minions. 

Lexa closed the board room door behind her and eyed the people within the room. She raised her head high and turned on the powerpoint slides.

"Guys! We have 2 months to do this. We can't rest. We can't waste time. I want it done and done! Understood?" Lexa said with much conviction and determination in her voice. Their subordinates nodded and agreed in unison with their eyes still glued on the screen, straying away from the brunette's deadly glares.

"Good! We will pull an all nighters, If we have to. I would deeply appreciate if you could put up with that. This is the biggest deal that we've closed and I need your guys help to make this happen." The brunette mumbled and eyed at the guy on her far right.

"Finn. I want you to take the lead. I want you to supervise the tasks that I will be delegating and you report to me with the outcome." She announced, scrutinising Finn in the corner of her eyes.

Finn seemed to be stunned, taken aback by the sudden given responsibilities to him.

"Yes, mam! You can count on me!" Finn replied back as he sat up straight on his chair and nodded filled with perseverance.

The discussion went on a gruesome 13 hours straight and later that night, Lexa found herself flopped down on the swivel chair inside an empty board room. She heard a knock and slowly opened her eyes. Anya sauntered towards her, smirking and nodding.

"Well done, Lex. Despite all the complains I hear about you. They still listen to your commands." Anya slyly mumbled, pulling out a seat.

Lexa chuckled and looked at Anya ridiculously, "I wonder who I get it from?" raising her eye brows at her boss.

Anya shook her head and grinned, "Touche!"

The brunette shifted on her seat and propped up her arm and rested her head, whilst playing with a file in front of her. Anya studied the girl with curiosity, feeling the urge to question her weird actions lately.

"You seemed awefully quiet. Talk."

"What?" Lexa asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Talk. You've been acting weird since yesterday... is it because of the train girl?" Anya questioned, peeking at the brunette with a grin plastered on her face.

Lexa laughed and covered her face with her hands, trying to hide the goofy grin that emerged from her lips. Anya poked the girl on her side and making the girl giggle, pulling away Anya's strong arms.

"Oh my god! You got it bad!" Anya struck back at Lexa with large ogling eyes.

"No I dont! Jeez!" Lexa defended while trying to muster back her stoic face but failed.

"Please! You don't giggle like a little girl if you were not excited about something. I've got to see this girl!"

"Well there's nothing to see because nothing will happen!" Lexa rebutted back. Standing up from her seat and started to gather her belongings. Anya mimicked her actions and shook her head.

"Better do something about it before anybody else does," Anya uttered as she took her leave, leaving the girl with a wink.

Lexa sighed and smiled at the possibilities that could happen. Things that she hoped would happen. But it was just some wishful thinking, because knowing herself she won't do anything that would make her look ridiculous or desperate. But looking back at her previous action at the train station at how she was about to wave at the girl, only made Lexa doubted herself more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I started doubting myself. Thinking that I could control my actions, my feelings. I thought I had it for years. I thought nothing could stop me. Nothing could control me. But  _you_  made me doubt about myself. How you could easily manipulate my actions without even trying. How you could make me feel things that weren't there in the first place. It was absurd.

I shook my head in grimace and picked up my bag from the floor. I switched off the board room lights and walked towards the elevator. There's got to be a way to get rid of this. I can't be like this. I have a lot of things to do. I can't have someone affect me like this. I rubbed my forehead in hope that an answer would come. Then I heard a ' _ping!',_ is that the sign? I looked around at the empty corridor and realised it was just the elevator door opening. I pushed myself inside, leaving behind the hectic and tiring department meeting.

You have no idea how still buzzed and excited I was what happened in the train this morning. There was so much things that kept bombarding my head. I want to talk to you. I wanted you to turn around. I wanted to look at you again and not your back. The way your back brushed against my shoulder, sent a thousand bolt of electricity in my body. I froze up and forgot how to breathe. It was ludicrous! But fantastic! Unbelievable! Indescribable!

The smell that surrounds you still clouded my mind. The tinge of fresh flowers, fresh lilac. So strong, soothing and vivid.  I smiled by the thoughts of it. I stared hard at the window, trying to suppress the bubbling sensation in my stomach. I kept telling myself to breathe. Cause I realised that I wasnt. I heard the cabin door opened and felt the strong gush of wind inward. People started to step in and out of the cabin, I turned to my left and found you not there anymore. I panicked. I literally panicked, I stormed out of the train and tried to locate you. But you were gone. I sighed again and again, waiting for the next train to pull over.

This is crazy! Did I just really left the train to come look for you? And what if I found you, would I talk to you? I shook my head as I always caught myself surprised at my out burst of actions. I sighed and chuckled at my bizarre behaviour. I smiled by the mere thought of what might happen tomorrow. What could possibly happen next? But then I felt my lips turned up side down, realising that it will be Friday. Which means I have to wait 2 more days till I get to see you again. I sighed and rubbed my forehead. I folded my arms and pursed my lips, thinking if I could wait till then.

Finally, the train arrived at my station. I took a deep breath as a strong gush of cold breeze against my slender body. I pulled my coat closer and stepped down from the stairwell. Forget about it, there's still a lot of things to do at work. You have to focus, Lexa! Concentrate at your promotion! I nodded at my determination. I nodded as my mind slowly eased away your beautiful face and replaced it with tactics and designs for the marketing scheme. I'll have enough time for  _those_ later.

========== Clarke Griffin ============

I felt disappointed. I thought I could finally looked at you from a distance inside the train. But there you were  _gone._  I shook my head feeling bummed out. I bit my inner cheek and grabbed the handle bar again for balance. I didn't see you at the train station this morning, all the more I felt like the world was playing tricks on me. Ridiculous, I know!

But I can't risk my time and wait for another train. I had enough threatening glares and hurtful words being thrown at me the other day. And not forgetting my mom. Argh! It was horrendous! The ' _perks'_ of having a mom as the head surgeon at the hospital you're working at. You thought they'll treat you with speciality but it only proves otherwise. I'm actually living in a nightmare. I'm their bitch for coffee run and countless others. And by the way, missing that coffee run the other day. Made dozens of walking hot-headed zombies throughout the day. It was a disaster!

I entered the train and position myself at a safe distance from the unwanteds and submerged myself in my music. The door closed but seconds later it opened again, letting in several commuters who were left behind. I felt my eyes grew bigger because there you were. You were puffing, catching your breath as you squeezed your way through the crowd. I watched you placed yourself across the opened door and leaned against the glass panel by the seats. You were wiping away your perspiration and pursed your lips.

I smiled. Feeling that my day was now complete. Knowing that today is Friday. Knowing that I won't be seeing you in another 2 more days. It already affected me in a way that I didn't want it to. At least not as much. I leaned and gripped the cold handle bar tighter and obscurely watched you from time to time. I saw you smiled. Then looked around carefully as if trying to hide the fact that you were smiling on your own. That was the first time I saw you smiled, you know that? It was beautiful.

I thought my days were getting better, not until I saw  _her._ This stranger in a fishtail hair tails down on her shoulder, wearing a dress that fits her perfectly came strutting towards you. In all honesty, she was pretty. She was stunning. Her smile was so dazzling that it was contagious. I almost found myself smiling. But acknowledging the fact that she was talking to you and you were smiling and grinning. *Sigh* I felt so defeated. The more I felt like a coward.

I averted my eyes away from the both of you. Feeling so sullen and lost. You have definitely lost your will to survive the day, Clarke. I shook my head at the constant banter inside my head and pressed the volumes up on my headphones till I could feel my eardrums screaming for help. I could do so much better.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clarke walked out of the locker room in a daze, still feeling dejected by the train scene. She can't help but feel remorse for not doing anything after 4 long days of ogling. She shook her head to clear away the thoughts and took her coffee from the nurse's reception counter.

"Feeling smug today, Griffin?" Indra asked, one of the head nurse at the Polis General Hospital. Indra peeked at the blonde above her clipboard with curiosity.

Clarke hummed while drinking her hot coffee. "Just not my day, Indra." She murmured looking away from her scrutinising eyes.

"Mama G!" Octavia yelped, bouncing up and down towards her with a big girly grin on her small face. "Why the long face?" She pouted.

Clarke rolled her eyes and asked, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be at work?"

"I am at work. I'm test driving this new motorbike that the company exported. Pretty sweet ride." Octavia babbled and winked at the blonde.

"Wow! Dream come true!" Clarke jibed sarcastically.

Octavia leered at her weirdly and asked, "What's all up in your grill? Making you all grumpy?"

Clarke shook her head and ignored the little girl.

"Come on! Let's have breakfast. I'm starving!" Octavia persisted pulling the blonde off the counter.

"I can't, O. I'm at work."

"Indra? Pretty please?" Octavia pleaded with a big puppy and pouted lips.

Indra shook her head in disdain and waved the both girls off.

Clarke still can't believe that behind the torturous and death-threatening exterior of a lady, she always turned soft when Octavia came pulling her away from the hospital grounds. Not that Clarke was complaining but she guessed there's more into Indra than she didn't know. Growing up in the hospital environment and knowing the lady all her life, she definitely doesn't know her personally yet.

"So, what is the 411? What's new huh?" Octavia beamed as she started forking down her breakfast.

Clarke gingerly took a bite from her waffle, buying time. She stalled until the little girl lose interest in her question. But she thought otherwise, Octavia pounded the table so hard that the sound bounced back and forth around the small diner place near the hospital compound. Surprising the other customers.

"What, Clarke? You're not your perky self. You're making me worry!" Octavia boomed, studying Clarke with anxiousness.

Clarke sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I saw someone in the train station and I started watching her for a couple of days. Then this morning when I saw her inside the train, talking to some random stranger that walked up to her. I dont know... I kind of got... " She faded off, searching for the right word to say because she can't even utter the word correctly.

"Jealous?" Octavia finished off. Clarke looked up to her and nodded shyly. She dropped her head over the table and groaned.

"I don't know, O! I'm not like this. You know I'm not like this. But when I see her, she's different." The blonde grunted over the table.

"Have you talked to her?"

Clarke looked up and smiled weakly and shook her head.

Octavia smacked her head lightly and reprimanded her.

"You've been stalking this random girl at the train station for a couple of days. And you still don't have the courage to talk to her? Jeez, Mama G. You're game is weak!" Octavia openly mocked. "You have to do something, Clarke. Unless you want this  _other_  random girl steal her away from you. It's your choice." She added.

Clarke leaned against the booth seat and stared at Octavia. Weighing the options in her head. If she walked up to her what harm can it do anyways? Being rejected by the brunette? Thinking that she was a total stalker and a creeper? If the answers to all that questions was a yes. There was only one thing to do. Suck it up and cycle again to the hospital. Pretend as if nothing happened. Pretend that she didn't see the brunette from the first place. Simple solutions... But so much courage to muster.

The blonde groaned in misery and felt Octavia patting her back. Feeling the pressure and stress constraining her.  _You can do this Clarke. You deserve more than this._

=========== Lexa Heda ===========

"Not again!" Lexa shouted in aggravation as she rummaged through her messy desk, looking for her confidential files. "Jesus! Why do I kept losing it! Argh!"

After half an hour of frantic search around her, now, ransacked bedroom. The brunette came sprinting down the stairs and hissed at the time she wasted searching for just one file. She quickly peck Gustus on his cheek and grabbed a waffle by the table.

"Sorry dad! Gotta run!" Lexa called out, as she stormed out of the house and into the busy street.

Lexa pulled her pencil skirt up to her knees and ran up the stairs towards the platform. The resounding taps of her heels were echoing throughout the roof as she emerged out into the landing.

"Shit!" Lexa hissed and scrambled into the opened door. But in a split second the door closed with a loud 'thud'.

The brunette cussed at the every single bad thing that surprised her day. She shoved her hair away from her face and furrowed her brows with annoyance.

"Chill, babe!"

Lexa looked at the source of sound and found herself staring at a girl, somewhere near her age. Smiling at her contagiously. The brunette flashed a grin but hastily turned away as the door opened again. She stumbled inside as other commuters started shoving her back towards the opposite of the door. She took a deep breath and patted down her perspiration. She smiled by the thought of the girl that talked to her.

"Hey, you okay?" the girl asked still having the same contagious smile. Lexa smiled automatically and chuckled.

"Yeah, peachy." She nodded at the stranger.

"Great. I'm Costia by the way." Costia introduced and extended out her hands.

"Lexa. It's nice meeting you," taking the other girl's hands.

The two girls hit it off, with no problem. Lexa found her adorable and pleasing to talk to. She was funny and loves to blubber about the most simplest things. She found herself laughing so hard, that she was almost at tears.

20 minutes had passed and Lexa's stop was next, she strode towards the door and ready for the train to stop. That was when she saw something glimmering under the fluorescent light.  _Gold. It's her._ Lexa studied the figure that was turning away from her direction, thinking if it was really her. And she definitely confirmed that it was her because of the familiar headphones and standing posture. Something that she familiarised herself for the past few days.

"What are you staring at?" Costia asked looking puzzled. She redirected her vision towards the direction and saw a blonde her with her back against them. "Do you know her?" She continued.

"Huh? Oh no! I don't know her." Lexa answered back.

" _Grounder Station"_

"Well... Uh this is me. It's nice meeting you Costia. You have a safe flight to Mount Weather. Enjoy your time," Lexa bid goodbye and grinned back at the girl, who tentatively hugged her tightly and muttered,

"Thanks, Lexa. Its nice knowing you. May we meet again."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't know why but I felt my heart sank when I saw you turned away from me. Were you looking at me? Were you watching me again? I should have noticed you sooner. I met Costia at the station. She's a very sweet girl. Funny and creative. She's heading to Mount Weather to help out build houses for the poor. It was a really passionate thing for her to do. I'm glad to have meet with people like that. It made me more realise all the good things in life. I never felt so blessed when I was reminded by all this things. You must meet her. I'm sure you'll love her.

Then it made me wonder after people and people who we will meet in our lives. How many of them are we going to meet again? How many of them are we going to cross path once and never cross again. Or will there be people who we were never meant to meet at all. Sad? Maybe. But I guess that's just how life is. You will never know maybe the next person you will meet is the person inches from you. Maybe you won't meet them today, maybe tomorrow or a week later or even a year later.

But you, Gold. When will I ever get to meet you? You're so close.  _We were so close_. It felt like we were getting closer and closer but never meant to meet. An Asymptote? Maybe. How saddening is that? Would you let that happen? Would  _I_ let that happen? I sighed by these thoughts. I can't think hard enough how will this be put into perspective. I can't believe I'm actually thinking about this. I chuckled and rubbed my forehead.  _2 days, Lexa. Till you get to see her._

=============== Clarke Griffin ==============

"Clarke, honey! Wake up!" Abby called out, opening the blonde's bedroom door.

Clarke stirred in her bed and grunted, "What?"

"I need you're help, honey. I need the files that Mr Wallace left in his office. Can you help get it? My hands are full right now, I'll be having online conference meeting in a minute. Please honey. Thank you!" Abby informed, kissing her on the forehead and left the room in a hurry.

Clarke grunted some more and checked her clock by bedside table.  _It's 7:30am. So much for an off day. *sigh*_ The blonde rolled of her bed and trudged towards the bathroom for a quick shower.

"Mom I'm heading out now!" Clarke blurted out and left the house, as she faintly heard her mom shouted back approvingly.

Clarke took her sweet time to walk in a less busy street of Polis. She smiled at the new scenery and at the feeling less clouded atmosphere. The blonde took her steps through the gantry and up the stairs. Then slowly paced herself by her original position behind the yellow line.

_**Riiiinnggg Riiiinnggg** _

Clarke forked out her phone from her back pocket and pressed answer.

"Yes mom?"

"Honey, the file will be by the receptionist table. Indra have it with her so you can just ask for it." Abby reminded.

"Okay, mom. Thank you." Clarke replied back and pressed end call.

Clarke squinted her eyes from her all day shift yesterday and unconsciously scanned the platform across. As if the brunette would magically appeared in front of her eyes. But she knew better that it's a Saturday and no office work. Clarke heaved a sigh and adjusted her headphone around her head. She took a step back as the train came dashing into the station.

Despite being a weekend, the seats within the cabin were all still occupied. So Clarke walked up towards opposite side of the cabin and leaned against the glass panel.

 _"So if did something wrong please tell me. I wanna understand. Cause--"_ Clarke started belted out to herself. 

_"I don't want this love to ever end. And I swear, if you come back in my life. I'll be there till the end of time, Oh yeah..."_

The blonde looked up and saw Finn emerging out of nowhere, he was singing he's heart out. She grinned and chuckled.

" _And I swear, I'll keep you right by my side. Cause baby you're the one I want, oh yes you are."_ They both sang in unison, keeping their eyes on each and stretching their arms out with a dramatic effect. Clarke pulled off her headphones out of her head and laughed at the guy in front of her.

"Not bad, Finn. Not bad at all," Clarke smirked, clapping her hands together.

"Thank you. Thank you," Finn uttered proudly, bowing around 360 degrees. He faced the blonde again and grinned, "not bad yourself." And winked.

Clarke laughed huskily, shaking her head at their silly impromptu performance.

"So where are you headed to? It's early Saturday morning, shouldn't you be sleeping in." Clarke asked interestingly.

"Work," Finn grunted with distaste, "We have to finish this marketing scheme by next week. It was torturous. But interesting though, my boss appointed me to supervise everybody's work." he proudly announced.

"Hey! Great job! She's not such a witch now isn't she." the blonde peeked at the guy. Finn smiled and shook his head.

"Okay, fine.  _Maybe not._ Though she's been in a good mood this week. Rumours have it that she have an eye candy," Finn informed wiggling her eyes brows at Clarke.

"Ooohh... Do tell!" Clarke exclaimed, listening attentively as Finn detailed out the spoken rumour.

Oddly enough, the stories seemed vaguely familiar. She have this strong feeling inside as if she knows what Finn was talking about. But she can't place her finger on it. But still she nodded and smiled at the appropriate time. Although, the animated faces and actions of the guy in front of her could occupy her time and mind, she couldn't help but get distracted by the brown hair behind him. It was so oddly familiar.

She felt her stomach flipped and her heart pounded in her chest.  _Could it be?_  She studied the girl behind Finn, she have her back on them.

"Clarke? What are you looking at?" Finn asked her quizzically. He followed her trace of vision and landed on the brunette behind her.

"Oh shit! That's my boss!" Finn cussed loudly. Way too loudly causing several heads to look at their direction... Including the brunette's.

================= Lexa Heda =================

"Why does this kept happening to me?!" Lexa blurted out under her breath and sprinted towards the opened cabin. She leaned against the glass panel and panted heavily. Lexa patted down her perspiration and put down her bag on the floor.

 _The train was moving oddly faster today. That's good._  She thought to herself as she scrolled down her emails checking for updates. That was when she heard people belting out a Blue song. Lexa looked up from her phone and landed on the two figures a door away from hers. She scrutinised them for a few second and realised that it's the blonde and Finn. Lexa swallowed the growing lump in her throat as she watched the couple making a bombastic performance on If You Come Back by Blue.

 _Finn knows Gold. Gold knows Finn. How did that happen?_ Lexa clenched her jaw and furrowed her eye brows. She clutched her phone too tightly that she almost thought she's going to bend it.  _Relax, Lexa. Breathe._ More than Lexa could admit, the scene really bothered her. It agitated her knowing that she knows somebody that knows the blonde and they seemed to be pretty close. Lexa took a step forwards not knowing what she was planning to do. What she wanted to say. All she just wanted is to stop the scene.

Lexa thought she saw Clarke diverting her eyes towards her direction and quickly as a lightning bolt she turned around. Frozen on the spot. Wishing and hoping that the blonde didn't see her watching them. Lexa took a step back and leaned against the glass panel and let out a long draggy breath. Her heart was beating against her chest. Her stomach flipped dozens of times the moment she saw her.  _This is ridiculous! Why am I feeling this? I can't be jealous. I can't be nervous. Lexa hold yourself together!_

"Oh shit! That's my boss!"

Lexa unconsciously whipped her head towards the voice and found herself being magnetised back to her eyes.

=============== Clarke Griffin ================

"Shit!" Finn cursed under his breath, seeing her boss snapped her head towards his direction. Finn worriedly looked back at Clarke and apologised for his profanities, "I'm sorry."

Clarke shook her head at him but still had her eyes on  _her._ Finn grabbed the girl's wrist and pulled her towards the brunette. And Clarke dreamily followed but half way through the cabin, she snapped out of the trance. She yanked her hand free from Finn and asked nervously in a hushed voice,

"What are you doing?!"

"I'm going to say thank you to her for letting me supervise. I really felt that she trusts me. Accompany me?" Finn pouty asked the blonde.

Clarke bit her inner cheek thinking,  _This is it. I'm meeting the mystery girl. Hold yourself together, Clarke. You can do this!_

============== Lexa Heda ==============

 _Oh dear God... They're coming. Why are they coming? Can't they just pretend that they didn't see me?_ Lexa stood up straighter and nodded at Finn. Despite the fact that inside her stomach little butterflies started to erupt. Her ears could only hear the pounding of her chest. At least her stoic face was still back on. Finn smiled at her and she nodded back again. She felt her stomach dropped as her eyes lingered on Finn's hand connecting to the blonde's hands.

Lexa clenched her jaw and raised her chin an inch higher. In spite of the out of control sensation building up in her body, she tried not to show it.

"Finn," She greeted.

"Lexa," Finn nodded back at her, "I just want to come by and say thank you for the opportunity that you gave me. It really means a lot."

"You possess great skills, Finn. I can see great potential in you. I hope that you won't let me down," Lexa mumbled filled with authority but in a gentler way.

Finn grinned and nodded relentlessly, "Thank you! I won't let you done. I promise... Oh yeah, this is Clarke. I met her the other day inside the train. She's pretty cool. She works at the hospital where our project are based at."

_"Ark Station"_

The train announced, as it gradually stop at the station. "Uh... Well this is my stop. Lexa, I'm just gonna grab some few supplies for the design so Jasper and Monty can start on it later on. I guess I'll see you in the office?" Finn informed, he looked at Clarke who seemed to have turned as white as sheet, "You okay, Clarke?" Clarke nodded at him slowly, "Okay, I'll see you whenever?"

And with that Finn quickly stepped out of the train, leaving the two girls awkwardly standing in front of each other.

=========== Clarke Griffin ============

_"Ark Station"_

"Uh... Well this is my stop. Lexa, I'm just gonna grab some few supplies for the design so Jasper and Monty can start on it later on. I guess I'll see you in the office?" Finn informed Lexa who was looking ghastly as ever.

He looked at Clarke who seemed to have seen a ghost herself, "You okay, Clarke?" The blonde nodded at him as if she was in pain, "Okay, I'll see you whenever?"

 _What? You're leaving now?! Don't leave me Finn! I can't be here alone with her._ Clarke screamed inside her head as she watched him hopped off the train. Her legs and hands started to feel like jelly. Her chest was pounding against her rib cage. She was unbelievably nervous.  _What am I going to say? Speak Clarke! You're good at people._

Clarke mustered all her courage and opened her mouth. But nothing came out, not even a breath. There she was gaping at the brunette. Staring up in her eyes. She didn't even realised that her eyes were greying-green, it was alluring. So captivating.

============== Lexa Heda ==============

 _Wait, Finn! Don't leave me here!_ Lexa stared back at the guy leaving the train, her eyes were wide in horror. She felt cold breeze entered the cabin, sending chills down her spine. She can't believe she's here standing before the girl that she had been busy gawking at. Lexa directed her eyes at the girl, and she hoped that she didn't. Her eyes were crystal blue like an ocean, more than she thought initially were. She thought she could almost drown in them. Lexa inhaled deeply cause she realised that she had been holding her breath. 

 _Say something!_ Lexa tried to speak but it was as if her tongue were glued on the roof of her mouth. She was speechless. She gripped on the handle bar until her knuckles turned white. She clenched her jaw whilst trying to ease out the tension accumulating inside her stomach.

"Hi," her voice turned husky.

Clarke blinked several times and shook her head. As if clearing whatever is inside her head.

"Hi," she replied back.

============== Clarke Griffin ===============

She can't believe that she just said a word. She can't believe that she was capable of even saying anything. Clarke was stunned. Flabbergasted. All sorts of element of surprise could describe what she was feeling right now. She fought back the bubbling sensation in her stomach and tried to speak again but this time more risk taking.

"So... Been here often?" Clarke asked trying to break it down in a more alluring and seductive way. 

============== Lexa Heda =================

Lexa raised her eye brows at the question and laughed. More genuine that she had ever had. She nodded her head at the blonde and grinned.

"Yeah. Like everyday," Lexa slyly replied, winking at the girl.

 _Did I just winked? Oh my god I just did!_ _I'm flirting. Lexa don't flirt._ _What are you doing, Lex? Clarke's getting inside my head again._ Lexa battered inside her head. Her thoughts kept pouring in endlessly up to a point of no return. She shifted her legs and looked at the blonde who was still staring at her. Lexa thought that her legs turned numb, she can't feel them all of a sudden. Her eyes could pierce right through her soul and it made the brunette a tad bit afraid.

============== Clarke Griffin ================

_"Capitol Station"_

The announcer boomed loudly on the speaker, bringing back Clarke out of her dream. She averted her eyes from the girl and looked outside the window, the train was slowly halting at her stop.

"Well this is me. Its nice meeting you, Lexa." Clarke murmured, as she tried to smile her pain away from leaving the girl behind.

She turned away and walked out of the cabin door and heard it closed behind. And dawned on her at how the girl's presence and close proximity affected not only physically but mentally.

"It's nice meeting you too, Clarke," Lexa called out and added, "Finally."

Clarke stood rooted on her ground. She felt goosebumps, making all her hair stood up.  _Is she here? Physically here. At the same ground as me? Inches from me._ Clarke took one deep breath and swiftly turned around. There stood the brunette before her eyes. Everything seemed to be in a fast forward motion. The train rushed behind her, making the brunette's hair swayed, making her more beautiful than she ever had been.

============= Lexa Heda ===================

Lexa just had to. She had to stepped out of the cabin and follow the girl. Despite the obvious reason that she missed her stop, 3 stations ago. She doesn't want the girl to leave without any form of security. As if they were just passer-by. Passing by on each other's lives. They'll meet once then leave without another word. As if they were strangers again when they see each other across the platform.

Lexa saw Clarke smiled. She thought she would melt to the spot.

"Finally," Clarke nodded in agree. "So what are you doing here, Lexa? Why did you stepped out of the train?" She asked challengingly, eyeing the girl carefully.

Lexa swallowed down her anxiety and opened her mouth.

"Missed your stop?" Clarke answered rhetorically, raising her eye brow at her cheekily.

Lexa laughed nervously and asked curiously, "How did you know? Oh, because of Finn."

"Partially... " Clarke mumbled, she continued explaining seeing the brunette was giving her a puzzled look, "But I've kind of see you always getting down at TonDC."

"Oh...," That was all that Lexa could say.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to sound like a stalker. I just happened to see you 6 days ago at the station and I can't help myself...,"Clarke started to blabber on but slowly faded away seeing Lexa's reaction looking bashful. "I'm so sorry, Lexa. I didn't mean--"

"Wow. 6 days ago. That long huh. I just saw you 3 days ago... So you've been checking me out for almost a week now." Lexa sheepishly asked, raising her eye brow at the girl.

============= Clarke Griffin =============

Clarke reprimanded herself at how she relentlessly blabber on about her stalker problem. She hissed at her words and now feeling stunned as Lexa openly smirked at her. She was lost for words, she tried to make a sound but nothing came out. She tried to erase the stunned and gapped expression on her face. Lexa took a step forward and stealthily took the blonde's phone from her hand. Clarke furrowed her eye brows at what the girl was possibly doing on her phone.

Lexa took Clarke's wrist and put her phone on her open palm. The brunette winked and stalked off inside the train, not giving another glance at Clarke. She faltered and deeply let out a breath, finally able to breathe oxygen freely now. She looked at the phone in her hands and felt her heart skipped a beat.

_**Lexa Heda** _

_**+1104 2007 2015** _

_**I'm tired of mindlessly staring at you from a distance. Call me. I'll be waiting. <3 ;*** _

Clarke hitched a breath and felt her heart drumming in her ears at some weird rhythm. She smiled coyly. She never felt so elevated in her life. She bit her lips and grinned goofily as she dreamily stepped down the stairs, into the gantry and into the hospital.  _This couldn't get any better._

============= Lexa Heda ============

I know it was a bold move. I know I should have been more mysterious and aloof. But I can't. I can't handle the imminent fact that you could easily slipped away from my hands just like that. I can't let that happened. I mustered all my courage to pull that stunt. After pressing the keyboard one last time, I knew I can't linger there much longer and wait if you're going to reject. Thankfully, the Polis train are always on the dot. I have to escape. So all I have to do now is to wait for you.

As long as it takes.

============== Clarke Griffin ============

Do you know that you could affect so much that I forgot to breathe for 5 good minutes? I was dumbly staring at my phone grinning ear to ear. Trying and  _still_ trying to digest what you wrote in there. I chuckled and shook my head on how my day went. It was unbelievably awesome and wouldn't trade it for the world. I quickly walked out of the hospital ground and forked out my phone. I called my mom letting her know that I've got the file and that I was heading home. She too noticed that I was unusually  _extra_ perky today, just like Indra and Monroe.

You did this to me, Lexa. And now that I know you're name. It feels good as it rolled out of my tongue, uttering each syllables. I stared again on my phone, feeling like I'm on the top of the world with the little note that you left for me. This could mean a whole new universe to me.

I grinned for one last time and pressed ' _call'_.

=============== Lexa Heda ===============

You, Gold turned my life upside down. You made me realised that I'm not who I thought I was.  _We_ were not the people that we thought we were. We were not just passer bys. Or some random faces in the crowd.

At first, I thought we were meant to be asymptotes. Two lines that comes together. Closer and closer but will never meet. But I guess we already broke that rule. I guess we were meant to be more than that. More than what the universe told us to.  _Because we took actions._  I like that. Something special. Something out of the ordinary.

Something that lives out of Polis.

_Because we were meant to be deviant._


	2. Train of Conversation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another instalment of Train of Thoughts. Hope you enjoy it. Thank you for all the kudos and comments. Do leave some more lovin'! Deeply appreciate those kudos, comments and hits! Let me know what you think. ;)
> 
> Cheers! :*

============== Clarke Griffin ============

I scoured my wardrobe for something to wear. I puffed my cheeks at my reflection on the full length mirror, trying to see if I looked good enough. I never bothered to look good for anyone else. Not that I have a bad sense of style but I took the  _extra_ effort for you. I yanked my blouse off my head and grunted. Trying to positively get my head into something really alluring whilst, rummaging through the heap of blouses that was now laying messily on my bed. There’s got to be something that’ll make me look seductively sexy but in a _laid back way ‘oh I didn’t put extra effort at all’_  look.

After piles and piles of clothes towering on my carpeted floor, I finally found one. I guess this looks much better. Even though it was the first outfit that I tried on half an hour ago. I twirled around and nodded. Couldn’t help but feel ridiculous at how much energy and thoughts I put up with, just to look good for you. But this will be worth it.

Oh God… What are you doing to me? Countless of  times did I found myself smiling goofily? I have never felt so alive. So ‘here’. So present. And yet, it felt like a dream. I felt like a ghost floating around, trying to get somewhere where I am supposed to be. I can’t believe that this was happening. It was utterly and inevitably unbelievable.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Clarke! Wells gonna send you to the hospital. He’s up front!” Abby shouted from the kitchen sink.

Clarke scrambled down the stairs and walked up to her mom, who was sitting down on the long island with her reading glasses propped up on her head and visibly squinting her eyes trying to type on her laptop. The blonde shook her head in dismay and said,

“Mom, you’re glasses is on your head,” she then pulled the glasses down to Abby’s nose. Thinking about the days when Abby kept misplacing her glasses but it was always propped up on her head, “You don’t have to squint your eyes.”

“Ah!” Abby grasped, adjusting it comfortably, “Thank you, honey. I completely forgot where I left my glasses.” Abby chuckled and kissed Clarke on her forehead. “Wells waiting outside. He offered to send you since your bike is out of shape.”

“Mom he doesn’t have to do that. I can manage on my own.” Clarke mentioned taking a swig of orange juice.

“I know, honey. But it gives me comfort knowing you’re in safe hands. Train stations now a days are really terrible with the over crowding and strangers giving you  _the eyes_.”

Clarke gulped down on her mother’s last statement, feeling the irony in her words.

“Fine. But I’m not paying for his gas money!” Clarke joked, pecking Abby on her cheeks and left.

She sprinted out of the front door and into an idled vehicle parked by the curb.

“Hey Wells. You really shouldn’t have to do this,” she greeted as she sat down on the leather interior of his jeep.

“I don’t mind. Gives your mom peace and quiet. Actually,gives _me_ peace and quiet too. You’re mom doesn’t stop ranting about you’re bike and trains for days!” Wells muttered and chuckled seeing Clarke giving her a deadly look. He pulled out of the curb and into the congested road of Polis.

“So…” Wells continued on, “What have you been up to?”

“Nothing much. Been crazy busy with work. Saving lives. You know the drill.” Clarke said boastfully.

Wells rolled his eyes at how his best friend can be so cocky. Clarke poked him on his side and giggled.

“Of course, Captain Obvious! I mean besides from that. I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me. You’re bike had been telling me secrets for days. Care to explain?” Wells uttered raising his eye brow at Clarke.

Clarke crossed her arms on her chest and took a deep breath. She unconsciously smiled by the thoughts of the brunette, how that one particular day went. She bit her lower lip and grinned quietly at her side.

“Hello? Earth to Clarke! Anybody there?” Wells shook Clarke’s arm trying to break her out of her day dreaming. “You’ve zoning out a lot. Something’s fishy is going on. Spill!”

“What? No one!” Clarke barked defensively, feeling embarrassed.

“No one? Okay, there is  _definitely_ someone. Who is it? Is it the Finn guy?”

“Finn? No!” She giggled, “Wells, drop me by the station.”

“Station? I thought I’m sending you to the hospital. You’re mom’s order.”

Clarke sighed and stared down at her best friend with a pouty lips and puppy eyes. Taking advantage knowing that her best friend can’t ignore her with that looks.

“Pwetty pwetty pwease, Wellsy?”

Wells shook his head in disdain, knowing he can never win from Clarke. He sighed and tsked,

“Fine. But you better not tell your mom. I don’t want my ears to burst from all the ranting.” Wells muttered jokingly as he pulled over by the entrance of the train station.

Clarke beamed at him, “Thanks Wells! You’re the best! Have fun at work. I’ll see you back home,” The blonde pulled Wells on a tight hug and a peck on the cheek.

“ _Please_ make good choices!” Wells stressed out, as he watched the blonde stepping out of the passenger side sticking her tongue out at him.

================== Lexa Heda =================

I briskly walked down the street, adjusting my bag on my shoulder. Feeling the bubbling sensation in the pit of my stomach by the imminent time that I will get to see you again, Gold. Imagining myself having a tangible conversation with you. Not giving you the awkward and discreet stares. Or simply trying to imagine the day when I could finally walked up to you and say, ‘Hi’. Be gone those days because here I am, Lexa Heda, finally turning to my last stretch until I reached the station. Where we planned to meet up a couple of days ago.

_**“““““““`Flashback 2 days ago““““““““** _

“Hello? Who is this?” Lexa answered questionably after seeing some random number calling her phone.

“Ah, Hi!” The other line croaked, stammering in her words, “It’s Clarke. The girl from the train station.” She explained.

“Clarke! Hi!” Lexa greeted back, smiling unconsciously. “That was fast.”

Clarke giggled and bit her inner cheek.  _Was it too fast? I shouldn’t have called her just yet?_ She relentlessly babbled on in her head if she was being too excited and just can’t wait to talk to the brunette. She opened her mouth to take risk in explaining herself until Lexa spoke again.

“I’m glad you called. An hour of waiting was torturous enough. I thought you won’t call. I thought you found me creepy.” Lexa crinkled her nose, trying to fight back the urge to beat herself up with the words that she just uttered.

Clarke grinned widely, feeling at ease knowing she’s not the only one feeling that way. An hour filled with apprehension and nail biting, thinking whether she should call her or not was excruciating for her too.

“I’m glad I called too. I thought I’d give it some time till I call. Cause you might think that I’m overly excited or something. I don’t want to come out too aggressive.”

“Aggressive? I think  _I’m_  being too aggressive. It was a really ballsy move.”

“It is a ballsy move.” Clarke agreed nodding at how Lexa boldly gave her number using her phone and then left without a word.

Clarke heard Lexa giggled on the other line and it made her smiled more. She felt her chest swelled up, feeling this weird sensation in the pit of her stomach. She gripped the phone tighter on her right and clutched Mr Wallace’s file against her chest as if she was hiding from other passers by the chaos happening inside her torso.

Another awkward silence was filled in. No one was speaking. They only heard each other’s faint breathing. Clarke bit her inner cheek once more and asked,

“Do you wanna ride the train together?” She closed her eyes, hoping that it wasn’t that weird for Lexa.

“I would but I’m at work right now. I can’t leave just yet.” Lexa explained.

“No, Of course not. Not today I mean. I meant maybe Monday?” The blonde explained with apprehension.

“Oh.”

“I… Yeah… I mean… If you wanted too, of course… If it’s not that weird.” Clarke stuttered, gulping down the last drop of her courage.

“No! I mean, Yes!” Lexa exclaimed too loudly, she instantly dunked down on her cubicle to avoid weird gazes by her colleagues. She tried to recover back what she was saying. “I meant No, it’s not weird at all. And Yes, I would love to ride the train with you.” She bit her lower lip and let out a shaky breath.

“Great! Okay. Well umm I’ll see you on Monday then? Outside the station?”

“Yes! Perfect!”

“Great. I’ll leave you to do your work then. Bye, Lexa.”

“Thanks you. Bye, Clarke.”

**“““““““` _Present_ “““““““““**

It never occurred to me how impelling it was when you said my name. How it rolled in your tongue with so much ease. Like it was your native tongue. I shook my head at the memory and patted down my black pencil skirt and pull closer my fitted blazer. I gingerly checked my bunned up hair and pull down some tendrils to make it look “less” like a stern teacher. Which Anya kept mocking me about.

I walked up at the front of the station and waited. I checked the time 8:07am, you should be here any minute now. While waiting I pulled out my phone and checked if there’s any text message from you and when I found that there’s none, I decided to check my emails instead. I was scrolling down the dozens of unread emails and took a step back against the wall to avoid the busy street of Polis.

Few minutes later, my thoughts were disrupted by the loud blaring music came halting in front of me. I looked up and saw flashes of black jeep in between the throngs of people that are trying to get inside the station. I felt my neck craned, seeing a familiar golden hair inside. I squinted my eyes trying to see if it was you and it made my throat go dryer. I felt my chest sunk into oblivion. I was sick to my stomach. I wished I didn’t looked at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lexa averted her eyes from the two people inside the car, which were now clearly visible as the crowd had already passed. She took a deep breath and rubbed her forehead. She shouldn’t be feeling this way. She shouldn’t be feeling disappointed or jealous. But she knew she was deeply bothered by the scene.

“Hi,” Lexa snapped away from the ground and into the blue eyes. She found herself shrinking away at how compelling Clarke looks with leather pants and white blouse that hugs her curves perfectly at all the right places.

“Hi,” Lexa smiled faintly at Clarke.

“Should we go up?” Clarke ushered gesturing towards the gantry.

“Yes. After you,” Lexa nodded.

Clarke nodded back and went through the gantry and up the stairs and back to her initial position. Lexa followed the blonde, still feeling blue and beaten by what she saw.  _I shouldn’t be thinking about this. Lexa just stop. She’s just a girl._ _She’s probably already taken._ She rubbed her forehead and queued behind Clarke, who seemed to be eyeing her curiously.

The 8:15am train came dashing across the platform, making their hair blew away from their faces. She looked at the blonde and saw how her eyes grew a bit bigger and how her lips were agape. Lexa felt sudden chills down her spine and diverted her eyes away. She tentatively cleared her throat and watched the door pulled open.  _Damn it, Lexa! Don’t over think about it. She’s just a friendly stranger. Friends, Lexa. FRIENDS._ She hastily stepped inside and followed Clarke, who strategically positioned herself away from the usual unwanted commuters. Lexa stood in front of Clarke who was leaning against the glass panel. The blonde smiled back knowingly and opened her mouth.

“So… Here we are,” She nodded at the brunette.

Lexa couldn’t help but beamed at her, “Yes, here we are, Clarke.” She nodded back.

Lexa watched Clarke shook her head and chuckled as she looked outside the window. There was an eerie silence between them. Nobody was talking. Despite the stealing glances and look aways. The brunette couldn’t help but feel elated again.

“You know, I’m gonna call the police,” Lexa blurted out, still looking out in the window with pure seriousness and stoic. She felt Clarke gazed up to her questioningly.

“Why? What happened?” Clarke asked filled with panic-stricken.

Lexa turned her body towards Clarke and muttered, ” Because you keep stealing glances at me.”

Lexa watched Clarke’s sudden face change and broke out a laughter. The brunette turned red and puckered her lips at the laughing blonde feeling embarrassed. Lexa wanted to tell her to stop instead she smacked Clarke’s shoulder. The blonde raised her hands in defence and wiped away the emerging tears of laughter.

“Okay, I’m sorry. But that was so adorable,” Clarke apologised but with a hint of tease.

“Adorable? Argh. So much for trying.” Lexa murmured rolling her eyes at Clarke.

“Nice try though. Totally break the ice. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

Lexa felt a pat on her shoulder and she looked at Clarke defeatedly.

“Seriously?” Lexa muttered feeling embarrassed with her little pick up line but decided to play along. She shifted closer to the blonde and whispered in her ears, “You don’t know what I’ve got just yet, Clarke.” Then pulled herself away smirking at the blonde.

She watched Clarke took a gulped and was looking at her dubiously. Lexa knew she won that part. She beamed at Clarke who was then scowling at her intently

Lexa cringed in pain as guy accidentally stepped on her foot.

“I’m sorry!” a guy in shaggy hair and tribal tattoos muttered.

Lexa hissed as she feels her foot throb in pain. She leaned against the window as she removed her heels and rubbed her it carefully. Clarke glared at the man, who hastily scooted away from them.

“Come here,” Clarke then carefully pushed Lexa against the glass panel. She turned around and faced the brunette, still looking around for something that might harm the girl.

Lexa smiled as she watched Clarke deliberately blocking off people around them. She felt a bumped on her shoulder and found another guy shrinking away as Clarke gave him another menacingly look. Lexa tried not to twitch or move as the girl placed her hands on the metal pole by the glass panel, resulting for Lexa being caged within Clarke’s personal space. It’s not that Lexa was complaining but more rather enjoying at how protective Clarke gets. She never thought the blonde could be such a sappy little overly protective girl. She smiled by the thought of it, along with the chills the runs down her arm every time she accidentally brushed on Clarke’s out stretched arm.

“How’s your foot? That guy’s an idiot,” Clarke asked filled with sympathy.

“I’m fine. Thank you. You don’t have to go full force protection over me. Its okay,” Lexa said assuringly.

“Sorry, if I made you feel uncomfortable,” Clarke mumbled, pulling her arms away from the hand bar and shied away from Lexa.

Lexa felt alarmed. The sudden release of Clarke’s arm made her felt disconnected and disappointed at the same time. Without hesitation,

“No!” she immediately pulled Clarke’s arm back to its initial position, caging her in again, “Sorry…” Letting go of the blonde’s arm, feeling timid by her reaction. “I feel more safer with your arms around me.” She murmured more into a whisper and then shied away into staring back into the window.

“So should I be hugging you right now?” Clarke arched her eye brow at Lexa, feeling the smirk creeping into her lips.

Lexa looked up and giggled.  _Did I just giggled? Seriously Lexa! The girl has a boyfriend._ She kept reminding herself. The brunette rolled her eyes and said,

“Oh you know what I mean.”

Clarke grinned at her and nodded. They were once again enveloped with silence. A more comfortable silence if Lexa would say so herself.

**_“Grounder Station”_ **

“Well this is my stop, ” Lexa mumbled at Clarke who was suddenly broke out of her day dream.

“Oh okay.” Clarke nodded, staring down at Lexa. Lexa stared back feeling the intensity in her gaze. She immediately cleared her throat and said,

“Umm… Clarke,” touching the blonde’s arm.

“Oh sorry!” Clarke apologised and pulled down her arm out of Lexa’s way and then followed the girl towards the door.

The train door pulled open and Lexa stepped out along with the crowd. She turned around and looked at Clarke who was smiling at her endearingly. Lexa couldn’t help but feel utterly abashed because she have to leave. She doesn’t want to leave the girl just yet. She wanted to stay even though, they’re not speaking that much. She watched the door closed in front of her and saw the blonde trying to say something. Lexa nodded at Clarke.

============ Clarke Griffin ==============

I felt saddened when you said you have to leave. That half an hour was the most intriguing and unimaginable moment of my life. In spite of all the awkward silence and close proximity, I really don’t mind. I like it, to be honest. I thought things would get so weird between us because of how we used to stare at each other from a distance. But that didn’t mattered to me because you were right there in front of me. I could look at you much nearer but  _totally in a none creepy way_. Mind you. You looked gorgeous especially when the strong wind blew your hair away. You're piercing jawline, perfectly structured nose and lips. *Sigh* Unbelievable, I felt my eyes widened just how different you were at close distance.  

When you belted out that pick up line, I couldn’t help but laugh. You were so adorable. From a serious and deadly looking woman, into a soft and shy girl. Another side of you that I enjoyed knowing. I hope to see more of that. I hope see more of you. I know it’s the first time that we were at this close distance. And it was also the first time that we actually had a personal conversation after that day with Finn. I couldn’t help myself but feel protective over you. Maybe it comes from being a doctor or maybe it was just in my blood to take care of people. But when it comes to you, I feel agitated. I felt anxious up to a point that I spent half an hour on a look out for anything that can harm you. I know it sounds absurd and totally weird but I can’t help it.

I have never felt this way before. I felt so magnetised and enticed by you. I knew you were quiet. It shows in your body language. But I don’t mind the silence. I’m starting to feel comfortable but then you just have to leave. I don’t want you to leave just yet. My god! What is wrong with me! Why are you doing this to me?

I watched you stepped out of the train and the door started closing. This is it, Clarke. You might not be able to say it any time soon.

“Will you go out with me?”

**_THUD!_ **

The door slammed shut and I don’t even bloody know if you heard what I’ve just said. It was so stupid and ridiculous. I should have asked you moments ago. But your presence still lingers as if you were still here with me. I watched the train dashed away from you and I thought I saw you nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Mama G!” Octavia called out from outside the entrance. Clarke watched Octavia hopped off her motorcycle and sprinted towards her.

“What are you doing here again?” Clarke asked playfully arching her eye brow at her best friend.

Octavia placed her hands over her chest, acted as if she was hurt.

“Mama G! I’m deeply hurt! Can’t I visit my best friend?” Octavia mumbled with much sadness painted all over her face.

Clarke shook her head and grinned at how childish her friend can be.

“Fine. What? What can I do for you today, my lovely lady?” The blonde asked as she turned to her heels and walked inside the hospital entrance.

Octavia instinctively ringed her arm around Clarke’s and skipped as they walked through towards the staff locker room.

“I’m having a party. And you’re invited!” She excitedly announced, flopping down on the bench and watched Clarke get dressed up in her scrubs.

“Hey! You’re not allowed in here!” A lady in a nurse uniform bellowed at Octavia, who suddenly stood up feeling guilty.

“Keenan, It’s fine.” Indra came patting the nurse on the shoulder, who puffed as she left the locker room. Indra gave Clarke and Octavia a deadly look and muttered, “10 minutes, Griffin.”

Clarke immediately nodded and gave Octavia a glare. The little girl shrugged her shoulders and stuck out her tongue at the blonde. I s _eriously do not know how Octavia could get away with Indra?_ Clarke shook her head by the thought of it and slammed her locker shut.

“I have work, O. I can’t skip work.” She grumbled as she sat down on the bench and tied her shoelaces.

“Hello! That is why I’m having the party on Wednesday. Which is by the way your off day and you don’t have to worry about getting drunk because Thursday is your off day too!”

Clarke looked at her bizarrely and asked, “How do you even my off day–” But stopped mid-sentence, “You know what, I’m not even gonna ask how.”

Octavia stifled a laughter and laced her arms around Clarke’s waist and planted soft kisses on her shoulder, “Please Clarke-y. Please come.” Still kissing Clarke in between words.

Clarke swatted away Octavia’s arms off her and said, “I’ll think about it.”

She grunted and stood up, giving Octavia a hand pulling her up. She then put her arms over her shoulder and kissed her on the head as they left locker room and into a well lighted corridor.

“Please come, Clarke. Everybody’s gonna be there. Bellamy even took a day off just to come. You know you misses him.” Octavia smirked, playfully poking Clarke on her sides.

“Eiw! Don’t be disgusting, O. He’s like my brother.” Pushing away O’s playful hands.

Octavia stuck out her tongue and skipped away into the entrance, “I love you, babe. Please come!”

“I’ll think about it. And I love you too!” Clarke waved back, grinning at her best friend.

=========== Lexa Heda ============

_**Riiingg Riinngg** _

Lexa was suddenly pulled out of her reverie and started yanking and pulling away files after files looking for her ringing phone.

“Damn it! Where is it?” She cussed and finally managed to pull out her phone at the far end of her table. She grunted again seeing Raven’s name flashed before her eyes.

“What?” She groaned.

“Why do I get this feeling that you really hate talking to me? I am deeply hurt, Lexa Heda. What is your deal?” Raven amplified with evident annoyance.

“Because! Every time you call its either you want to tell me about your sexual escapades, that I don’t even want to hear about. Or you’re continuous bugging about the train girl,I'd rather keep it to myself thank you very much. Or you’re relentlessly dragging me away to some strangers wild party, which I am completely over with… So? Which one is it?”

“Wow! You are so on point. That's why you’re my favourite. Screw Anya!... Please don’t tell her that!”

Lexa rolled her eyes at the caller and grunted.

“Don’t you roll your eyes at me!” Raven reprimanded. Lexa smiled knowing how much body language Raven knew about her.

“What do you want, Rae? I’ve got things to do. Anya’s beating my ass in finishing this report.”

“Okay fine! I’m inviting you on a party! Ladies night!” Raven uttered excitedly.

“Wednesday night? You know I can’t, Rae. I have work the next day. I can’t have a hangover.”

“And that is why, I’m going to get Anya to cover for you. And FYI she already agreed. So you can’t back down now cause you don’t have an excuse. You need to let your hair down for a bit, babe. Come on, Lex. Have fun with me,”

Lexa stared menacingly at Anya, who was now snickering at her as she slowly walking up to her. “You are so dead!” Lexa mouthed at her.

“Okay fine. Whatever.” Lexa muttered.

“Great! I’ll see you Wednesday!”

Lexa ended the call and stared icily at Anya, who raised her hands in defence.

“For what its worth, you need a break. It’s only one night.” Anya tried to explain.

“But you know we have tons of things to do,” Lexa argued back, still trying to get out of the party.

“Lex, we still have time and its only one night. You can go to work on Wednesday and meet Raven right after if you wanted to. I will cover for you on Thursday. It’s not a problem. You need to relax.”

Lexa knew there’s nothing much she can do when two of her best friends ganged up on her. She shook her head defeatedly and whispered, “I don’t even know why I’m friends with the both of you. You both practically hated each other.”

“Oh well, at least we agreed on one thing,” Lexa shot her a glare, making Anya snorted and sauntered back to her office.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Argh, Anya and Raven’s making me go to a party again. I hope its not as awful as the last time. Some guy came puking out on the couch that I was sitting at. While this other random girl started following me everywhere I go. The drinks were beyond horrible and Anya and Raven bailed on me, so I have to hitch a ride from another stranger. Such a crappy night. I would have spent that night formulating marketing agenda for the month. Okay, I admit, I am a workaholic. There’s no denying that I am one. But I like it… No, I love it.

But considering that Anya is my boss, it doesn’t go well for me. Meaning if Raven came up with another wild night, Anya would always jump on board and have me throwing my towel on the floor. There is no way I can argue with the two butt heads. I shook my head with much aggravation. I forked out my phone and checked for messages. Gold, I still haven’t hear anything from you. When I heard those words I thought it was all in my head or maybe it was really all in my head. I don’t know if you saw me nodded as an answer to your question. I should have said, “yes” instead.

I sunk back onto my swivel chair and spun around a couple of times. Thinking if I should message you. If I should ask you out instead. I bit my lips still feeling uncertain if its the right time or was it even appropriate to ask. Seeing you with him was enough to get my head straight that nothing will happen between us. I pushed the idea away and started to dive back into the reports. There are better things to do than think about the impossibilities.

============ Clarke Griffin =============

I found myself staring again. I should really stop. I don’t want to dwell on the thoughts about that  _nod._  I can’t read much into it. Maybe I was just seeing things. That's right Clarke, it’s probably some body reflexes or something. I’ve studied that, when your body do things involuntarily. Yeah, that’s the most sensible answer there is. I changed into my scrubs again and yawned heavily.

This morning in the train at least we made an effort to talk. I got to know a little bit about you. Though I kind of feel like I’m forcing you to talk but then again maybe you were just like that. As much as possible I don’t want to force you into anything that’ll make you uncomfortable. I remembered how I suddenly bursted laughing again at your random pick up lines. You’ve really got to stop that… No, Continue that. It made me feel so damn special. Funny? Maybe. But I like it.

It’s a different side of you. A side that oppose your exterior. I simply found myself chuckling quietly within the empty corridor, that it bounces around the white tiles and ceiling, echoing throughout from one end to another. Sometimes even patients asks me why am I giggling or why am I so perky early in the morning. I can’t tell them because it was because of you. That’ll be too awkward. So I told them because I saw them. Very sneaky, I know.

I can’t wait to see you again on Friday. Telling you that I was off on Wednesday and the day after that was hard. Don’t ask me why, it just is. The changed in your expression says it all. I wanted to grab you and say everything’s going to be alright. You were so endearing even if your face remained expressionless all the time. You’re green eyes says it all. When I asked you what you were doing on Wednesday night, you said you were going out with your friend. I don’t know why but I felt like my chest constricted. All of a sudden I felt this pang of jealousy. I can’t even deny the feeling because it was  _that_ strong. I know I’ve only met you literally 3 days ago but I couldn’t help myself.

What are you doing to me, eye candy? I never thought you’d be this important to me. I never knew you could affect me like this. *Sigh* You were something else.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clarke stepped out of the locker room and walked up to the receptionist table. She yawned widely and grabbed her cup of coffee.

“Long night?” Indra asked behind her clipboard.

Clarke hummed under her cup and squinted her eyes at the lady behind the counter.

“Indra, can I ask you something?”

Seeing the lady nodded, Clarke put down her cup and gulped down the remaining coffee and cleared her throat.

“Why are you so soft with Octavia?” Clarke propped up her arm over the counter and start biting her nails. Feeling anxious if its even the right question to ask the lady.

Indra put down her clipboard and stared hard at Clarke. The blonde felt herself almost melting to the ground. She started to regret even asking the stupid question. It was so sappy.

“Because I was there when she was born,” Indra answered as a matter of fact.

Clarke nodded, thinking that was the best answer she could get out of the woman. She turned around and looked at the empty corridor, everything today was quiet.  _Should be an easy shift._ Clarke thought to herself.

“She had her umbilical chord wrapped around her neck when she was born. It was hard seeing her frail body almost being suffocated by it. But I’m glad that she turned out to be okay. There could be so many abnormalities could happen when those things happened.”

Clarke turned around and faced Indra. Feeling stunned that she continued to tell her story.

“I looked after her for weeks in the nursery. Every shift I would check up on her and then I will come back again once my shift is over.” Indra took a quick heaved of sigh and looked up at Clarke more sternly. “Does that answer your question, Griffin?”

Clarke suddenly felt nervous at her sudden changed of mood. At first the woman was soft and lenient and next thing she knew she’s back to her stern and cold glares. Clarke nodded and gave a smile.

“Thank you for telling me, Indra. I guess I better head to east wing now.”

Indra nodded in agreement and muttered, “You do that,” looking back down to her clipboard again.

Clarke took her coffee with her and walked off towards the east wing. She never thought that Octavia had it hard. She knew what could be the possibilities that could happen when the baby had their umbilical chord wrapped around their neck. It could cause lack of oxygen, blood flow and many more. The blonde shuddered by the thought of it and forked out her phone.

_**(9:20) Mama G!: Goodmorning, O! I love you. Can’t wait for tomorrow. <3 ;) ** _

_**(9:23) Octavia <3: Goodmorning, Mama G! I love you too oh-so much! MUAAHH! AH! I’m excited about tomorrow too. :* <3 ** _

Clarke smiled at her text and spent the rest of her day, running in and out of ICU, checking on patients and finally having her break and it was only half of the day. She never felt so tired.  _So much for hoping a quiet day_. She slumped down the cafeteria table and forked out her phone checking messages from Octavia and checking her emails. She mindlessly poked around her Chicken Salad until her mind was suddenly jerked awake by the in coming text.

_**(13:48) Lexa H :* : I won’t back down even if you started laughing at me again. I just have to.** _

_**(13:50) The blonde train girl: Really? Enlighten me. Haha. ;)** _

_**(13:55) Lexa H :* : Clearly, I’m still that hilarious to you even if I haven’t unleashed my pick up lines yet. Thanks. (It’s sarcastic by the way).** _

Clarke couldn’t help but giggle because even through text messages she still finds the girl adorable. She pushed away her half eaten salad and started typing away.

_**(13:57) The blonde train girl: Still cute.** _

_**(14:00) Lexa H :* : Clarke, are you a camera?** _

Clarke almost choked in her orange juice and snorted.  _That’s the most ancient pick up line ever!_ Clarke shook her head and replied back.

_**(14: 03) The blonde train girl: Why? (Though I know what the answer already is. But I’ll play along. Cause I'm a nice girl that way. ;) )** _

_**(14:05) Lexa H :* : Argh! You suck! Forget it. I’ll get back at you! >:( ** _

Clarke laughed heartily at Lexa’s reply and quickly shut up, as she looked around because she can’t be looking dumb staring down at her phone. She bit her lips trying to trap the remaining laughter bubbling inside her.

_**(14:08) The blonde train girl: Haha. You’re so adorable. You’ll get there, honey. I’m all yours 24/7. ;* <3** _

Clarke hovered her thumb over the send button, thinking if it’s too cheesy. If it’s even appropriate to mention anything out of the context and of course with a little additional kissy face and a little heart. Clarke snickered at her inappropriate thoughts and decided not to send it.  _Which is the right thing to do, FYI._

“GRIFFIN!”

Clarke suddenly jumped onto her seat and looked up in bewilderment. Octavia came skipping towards her, with a smirk on her face. She scowled at her and dived back down at her phone.

“FUCK! NO!” Clarke exclaimed. She immediately trying to swipe away her text, looking for a delete button but it was to no avail. She dropped the phone from her grip as if it suddenly burnt her hands. She cussed more than she thought she was allowed whilst giving the little girl in front of her – who was smiling at her widely, still  _always_ oblivious as ever – a threatening glare.

“Look what you’ve made me do, O!” She barked at her. Clarke shoved her hands through her hair feeling anguished, as she waited for the impending reply form the brunette. Her impending humiliation. 

Octavia was baffled. She took her phone with her left hand while drinking the remaining orange juice with the other. Octavia suddenly bursted out laughing, almost spraying Clarke with the juice. The blonde snarled at her annoyingly and grabbed her phone back, and buried it deep into her coat pocket. Clarke stared at Octavia long and hard as if she was plotting her next murder.

"Are you open for me 24/7 too Clarke?" Octavia teased, arching her eye brow playfully. 

“Shut up! Why are you here again?” The blonde asked exasperatedly.

“Nothing. Just missed Indra,” she muttered nonchalantly, looking away as if nothing really matters.

Clarke squinted at her best friend and hummed. Contemplating if she should tell her about her birth situation but she decided against it. Octavia pulled the abandoned tray towards her and started eating the remaining Chicken salad. The silence was excruciating for Clarke, she knew something was up. Octavia was quiet and out of character. She studied her up and down and cleared her throat.

“What’s going on, O?”

Octavia looked up from her food and smiled weakly. She wiped away her mouth with the back of her hand and put down the fork. The girl sighed and scratched her neck. Clarke never seen Octavia looked so troubled before, it made her worry.

“It’s my dad. He… We had a fight. It’s nothing, we’re fine now.” Octavia uttered forebodingly. Clarke stood up from her seat and walked up to Octavia. She hugged her tightly. No words were spoken. There’s no need for that. Throughout their years of friendship, they had gone through enough hardship from Clarke’s dad to Octavia’s mom. No words could describe or were enough to portray what love they have for each other. Octavia knew that Clarke was there for her no matter what and she won’t replace it with anything in the world.  Having her best friend near her.

Clarke pulled away from Octavia and kissed her forehead. They leaned against each other, forehead to forehead, “Feeling better, O?”

Octavia nodded and smiled, the smile that Clarke loves. Octavia gave Clarke a one long sappy kiss on her cheeks and laughed.

“Eiw! Seriously, O! I know I’m a hot doctor but you’re literally drooling on my cheeks.” Clarke complained as she wiped away the saliva out of her cheeks. Octavia stuck out her tongue at her and playfully peck Clarke on her lips.

“Blake! You have to fucking stop that! You have a boyfriend!” Clarke yelled after her best friend who was happily skipping away out of the cafeteria. Clarke let out another breath and pinched the bridge of her nose. She stood up from the floor and forked out her phone. Clarke suddenly felt her lips grinned from ear to ear.

============== Lexa Heda ============

_**(14:08) The blonde train girl: Haha. You’re so adorable. You’ll get there, honey. I’m all yours 24/7. ;* <3** _

Lexa found herself staring at her phone for good 5 minutes and thinking what could it possibly mean.  _This is ridiculous. You’re reading into things again, Lexa._ The brunette shook her head in dismay and puckered her lips. Thinking of what to reply to the blonde.

_*typing*_

“Too sappy…”

_*Erasing*_

_*typing*_

“Too formal.”

_*Erasing*_

_*Typing*_

“Argh! Screw this.”

_*Send*_

Lexa stood up from the booth and left a few dollar bills on the table and walked out of the diner. The day was a bit lenient to her. Her hair followed her desire. The sun wasn’t that glaring. The birds were chirping. There’s not a trace of any uncertainty that can hinder Lexa’s mood. Well maybe the text message that she just sent to Clarke.

The brunette scratched her forehead, feeling the burning hole that her phone bores in her slacks. She tried to get herself distracted by her surroundings. Office people walking in fast pace trying to get back to their office building after lunch hour. School children running down the street filled with enthusiasm as if nothing matters but to have fun all day long. Lexa smiled trying to remember the last time she was like that.

“I’m so sorry! I should have looked where I was going”

Lexa looked up at the person who bumped into her and found herself smiling.

“Costia! What a surprise! When did you get back? How’s the trip?” Lexa profusely asked, feeling the bubble of excitement building up within her.

Costia giggled and hugged Lexa tightly as if she had missed her long lost friend. Lexa was suddenly caught in a haze by the girl’s sudden friendliness. She completely forgot how Costia was a hugger ever since the first time she met her.

“Just last night. It was awesome! Though it was a very short trip but the experience was indescribable.” Costia uttered with so much passion and desire. Lexa could still see the fire in her eyes at how she told her her about her adventures and the people that she met. The brunette could not take her eyes off her, she deeply loves meeting people with so much drive and motivation. Lexa was indeed deeply impressed by Costia.

“You should come, Lex. You’re gonna love it there. You’ll see another side that you’ve never seen before. It will make you understand and be grateful of all the blessings that we received everyday. People there were always smiling and laughing even though their lives were very simple and sometimes incredibly hard.”

Lexa nodded in understanding.

“Maybe I should. One day Costia, bring me there.”

“I will. You’ve got to see this beautiful view of the meadow. It’s breathtaking.” Costia's voice was filled with amazement and glimmer in her eyes. The brunette nodded and stopped at her track right in front of a tall building.

“Well this is me,” She nodded at Costia, pointing at the entrance of the building.

“It’s really nice seeing you again, Lexa. Maybe we should hangout sometime. Catch up and stuff.” Costia mentioned with a tinge of nervousness and hesitation. Lexa was not too observant or took noticed of this because all her mind could process right now was how her phone vibrated in her pocket. All she could think about was what was written on that text message.

“Sure. Are you free on Wednesday night? My friend and I were heading to this party. It’s nice to have someone around, my friend tends to desert me once she got party hat on.” Lexa playfully winked at Costia, making her giggled and grinned away.

“Yes, I would love to,” Costia nodded excitedly at Lexa and took out her phone. After a minute of exchanging phone numbers, Lexa bid Costia goodbye and walked back inside the building, waiting for the elevator reach her floor.

“A little birdy told me someone’s over the moon,”

Lexa turned around and found Anya arching her eye brow at her. She shook her head and grinned.

“She’s just a friend, Anya. I met her in the train.” Lexa mentioned nonchalantly.

“Oh my god! Is she the train girl?!” Anya eagerly asked, fully turning the brunette around so that they’re standing face to face.

“No! She’s this another girl I met in the train. She’s pretty nice,” Lexa said feeling proud and happy knowing someone so animated and impelling.

“Ooohh is someone falling head over heels?” Anya asked smirking at the brunette. Lexa guffawed and shook her head at her best friend as they entered the crowded elevator.

The day was definitely getting better. She thought that anticipation of the blonde’s absence the next two morning would bring down her energy but she thought otherwise. Cause all she could think about was the girl.

_**(14:14) Lexa H. :* : Oh I’ll be there, Clarke. I’ll be having you begging for mercy. ;) 24/7 you say. I guess you’ll be open for me 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I'll take advantage of that. I can’t wait. ;* <3 ** _

**_(14:33) The blonde train girl: So can’t I. ;* <3_ **

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It felt like we were flirting. We are flirting right?  _It is_ flirting right? I mean it has to be! I really wish we were cause I don’t want to get my hopes up. When I read your message, I couldn’t help but smile. It was brief but it still sends me plummeting down the floor. I don’t even want to deny it cause it’s hard hiding things from Anya and Raven. Having them constantly watching you laughing or smiling  _too_ widely while typing away on your phone was a really bad idea. They kept bugging me and making this inappropriate remarks. And I found myself feeling all flustered because it was very irrelevant and in out of line. They said they were reading “in between the lines” and trying to break the cryptic of your text messages. Trust me I tried to stop them but having Anya towering over me and having Raven’s strong muscular arms wrestled around my arms. It was just not fair!

I bumped into Costia this afternoon. It was really pleasant to see her and hear about her adventure at Mount Weather. Did I mention that she was so passionate and makes me envy her because she gets to help people around the world. I said to her she should bring me along one day and she definitely agreed to it. I can’t wait! Maybe you should come too Clarke. You’ll love it, especially since you’re a doctor. Maybe we could conduct a medical mission at the small villages at Mount Weather. That would be fantastic to see. I invited her to the party that Raven invited me from and she obliged. It’s nice knowing someone that won’t leave you alone with a bunch of sweaty and drunk guys lingering around you. Raven can be a bit out of hand when it comes to parties. Trust me you don’t want to know the things that she does when she have too much to drink.

I can’t wait to see you on Friday, Clarke. I know we have 2 days then another 2 more days after Friday to see you again. *sigh* How I wish it was not just the everyday train ride that we get to see each other. I’m afraid to even ask you out because you might be taken or wasn’t interested at all. I don’t want to read in between the line just like my two best friends. I don’t want to assume and take actions from there. I want to be certain and straight to the point. I want to hear it from you. But the problem is… how? I rubbed my forehead by the these thoughts. I stood up from my cubicle and stowed all my files back into my bag. My head is about to explode I have to relax. I bid Anya goodbye as I walked past her office and headed down at the bar near the office. I sat there for the meantime, thinking and processing what could this be.

============= Clarke Griffin =============

“Octavia! I’m here!” Clarke called out as she opened the front door of her best friend’s house. She heard shuffling footsteps from the ceiling, that were then coming nearer towards the staircase. Octavia came running down the steps two at a time, beaming widely at Clarke.

“Let’s go! I'm so excited!” Octavia beamed at Clarke and ringed her arm around her. Stowing her out of the house. “Here.” Handing her over a black helmet.

“Woah! Are we riding your motorbike?” Clarke asked frantically, gulping down the thoughts that she had never ridden one.

“Yes! It’s the fastest way. Come on, Clarke. You’re in safe hands. Don’t worry!” Octavia tried to soothe Clarke who was then started to walk away from the garage.

“Oh sure! Says by the girl who almost got Raven’s leg cut off! I’m not riding that thing, Octavia. N-O. No.” Clarke stood her ground, folding her arms in her front and looked at Octavia with determination. Octavia pouted her lips and scowled.

“It was one time! Jeez!” Octavia snatched the helmet off Clarke’s hands and sprinted back to the house and came back with a beanie and pushed it over her head. 

“Let’s go. Let’s take your stupid train,” Octavia said filled with obvious annoyance in her voice. Clarke snickered, hugging her best friend and pecking her on her head.

\---------------------------------------

“How’s the train girl by the way?” The little girl asked curiously as they continued walking the busy pavement of Polis. The evening stars were enveloping them. They were finally out of the train station and walking towards the club that Octavia booked for the night. Clarke was really not a party girl but she doesn’t mind because she’s with good company. The blonde squeezed Octavia’s arm tighter and said,

“She’s good, I guess. We’ve been texting,” Octavia noticed the difference in the tone of the girl’s voice. Cause she would always hear the blonde always speaks with perks and excitement especially when it comes with the train girl. Octavia knew something’s bothering her.

“What is it?” She asked, eyeing the blonde in the corner of her eyes.

Clarke shrugged and sighed, “I don’t know, O. She’s different. We’ve been texting constantly. And sometimes it feels like we were flirting to each other but I can’t be too sure.”

Clarke shrugged once more and crinkled her nose. She knew deep inside that she tried to show a little ‘wild’ side. But the brunette’s replies were very stern and straightforward and it was only recently did she noticed that Lexa  _seemed_ to be playing along. It all honesty, Clarke was relieved.  _Very relieved._ She started to gain hope that something might actually happen.  _Hopefully._

“Then show her your intentions, Clarke. You have to be bold and stop beating around the bush. If she’s not one then so be it. Move on.”

“Easy said than done,”

“It’s up to you, Clarke. You seemed pretty serious about this Lexa girl. Take the risk,” Octavia muttered turning her head towards Clarke.

Clarke grinned and shook her head, as they entered the Grounder’s Club. The smell of booze and loud music were starting to take over Clarke’s head. This was once again something that Clarke has to get used to. She wasn’t really a fan of alcohol nor sweaty people grinding  on each other. She was really the odd one out, out of all her ring of friends. The blonde followed Octavia through the growing crowd of party people dancing on the dance floor. She watched her best friend greets and waves at the people that they passed through. And it made the blonde ponder at how many friends does Octavia have. After dozens and dozens of people hugging and high-fiving Octavia, Clarke already gave up by the thought of it.  _  
_

Finally, they reached the booth that was reserved for their group. She sat down at the red stitched leather seat of the booth and propped her arm over the table. Watching people getting “jiggy with it”. She shook her head by the scene before her and thought how can people can be so wild and bold in an instant.

“Here!”

_And there is why._ Clarke looked up and saw Octavia handing her over a towering glass of seemed like a yellow liquid with a pretty funky smell. The blonde sniffed the content and made a gagging reaction.

“It’s beer, Clarke. Just drink. You’ll need it  _trust_ me,” Octavia mumbled sarcastically, shoving the glass to the blonde’s hand.

“You know I don’t drink, O,” Clarke defended, pushing away the glass back to the girl.

Octavia snarled at her and gave the most endearing puppy eyes and pouty lips that Clarke couldn’t resist. “Seriously? You’re pulling that trick again?”

“Come on, Clarke. Pwetty pwetty pwease, Clarkey! Just one glass. That’s it!”

Clarke glared at Octavia and hissed, “Just one glass!”

Octavia nodded in agreement and pushed back the glass. Clarke took it by the handle bar and chugged down the weird liquid in one go.  _Not really a bad idea._  Clarke thought as she started to feel the warm sizzling sensation building up inside her throat down to her tummy. Octavia gave her a friendly pat on her back and peck her on the cheek.

“I’ll be right back,” The little girl beckoned. Clarke nodded at her and watched her walked off towards some group of friends that greeted her with pure and beautiful profanities that Clarke have never heard before. She crinkled her nose and redirected her eyes back to the dance floor. She found herself bobbing her head to the beat. Her feet her tapping on the floor and her knuckles knocking against the wooden table in sync with the rhythm. Clarke noticed Octavia’s half filled beer and thought,  _Maybe half a glass won’t give any harm._  She took it by the handle and drank it gingerly. She smiled by the different feels that started to creep inside of her. Clarke couldn’t deny it, beer really does not sound – taste – so bad. She waved at the waiter that walked past the booth and she ordered another glass. The waiter nodded and left with the order.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I took out my phone because I thought I felt it vibrated but then I realised my lockscreen was empty from any notifications. I sighed by the thoughts of you not texting me. I pushed down my phone back to my pocket and grabbed the glass and tilted it against my lips. I felt another vibration, I whipped it out of my pocket and groaned seeing that its still empty. Seriously what is wrong with me? It is the alcohol playing tricks with my head? Maybe, I missed counted how many glasses I already had. 2? 3? I think I was on my 4th glass. Octavia was not back yet and I’m all along in the booth. Wells haven’t arrived yet. Great. I felt another vibration and unconsciously dipped my hand back to my pocket and realised that my phone wasn't in my pocket. I panicked. Tapping down every pockets on my pants. I looked down at the table and found my phone was there. Hell. 

I furrowed my eye brow and looked around. Another vibration. So stupid of me. The speaker was just behind the booth. *Sigh* This is killing me. I should really stop thinking about Lexa. But of course my clouded and intoxicated mind was completely against my will. I typed down a few words on my phone and narrowed my eyes. Hmmm. Perhaps good enough. I hit send and laid down my phone on the table and smiled feeling contented with myself.

I jugged down the last drop of the beer and settled down comfortably on the booth. I watched people dancing and singing their hearts out along with the song. They sure are having so much fun. I am having fun too. Here. All alone. In the booth. By myself. I’m peachy. Perfectly fine and happy. No worries. *sigh* I closed my eyes for a moment and rested my head against the seat. I shouldn’t have drank too much in one go. My tummy now was grumbling for food. I opened eyes again and then I saw something glimmered. Something green. Something oddly familiar.

============= Lexa Heda ==============

“Come on, Lex! We should have been at the club 15 minutes ago,” Raven pouted as she annoyingly tugged Lexa’s blouse.

Lexa grunted and rolled her eyes, “just go without me. I have to finish this report.” She mumbled as she furiously typed away on her keyboard. Still ignoring the persistent tugging on her blouse. 

“Alexandria Heda! Stop what you’re doing right now and get your ass off that computer!”

Lexa looked up, feeling startled by the sudden appearance of Anya in an empty office. The 'oh so familiar' threatening stares was painted on her face. Lexa cringed.  _Shit! I thought she left hours ago._

“What are you doing here? I thought you already left the office,” lexa inquired, as she gripped the mouse with much pressure, holding back the fear and anxiety that was bubbling inside her. Anya had already warned her not to stay longer but knowing that she didn’t abide her orders hell’s gonna break loose.

“I might need a little help,” Raven murmured carefully and slowly, scooting away from Lexa. The brunette widened her eyes at Raven and felt her nose flared as she breathes out the impending violence that she’s gonna do to her best friend.

“You called on me?!” She shook her head in disgrace and started to explain to Anya but the older one raised her hand making Lexa swallowed her words.

“Get out of here. NOW!” Anya yelled, staring down at her with vengeance and anger. 

Lexa jumped on her seat and immediately ran out of the office and out to the street. Raven laughed her ass off watching the brunette bantering and scowling at her throughout the whole trip. Lexa had already planned to go later in the evening so she didn’t have to spend a long time inside the club. It’s not that she didn’t have her moments but the thoughts of wasting time getting drunk was completely out of her system. She had enough embarrassing and weird memories to get her through a lifetime.

Lexa heard a loud  _“ping”_ and took out her phone.

_**(23:40) Costia: Hey sorry to hear you’re plan didn’t worked. No worries I’m on my way. I’ll meet you in half an hour. ;)** _

_**(23:43) Lexa Heda: Damn it. I tried. Okay, I’ll see you up front.** _

Lexa felt the curious gazes from Raven and felt the girl’s elbow hit her side.

“Who was that?” Raven asked with a sly smile.

“Costia. This girl I met at the train. She’s gonna keep me company while you let yourself go gaga tonight.” Lexa answered as a matter of fact.

“Come on, Lex. I just missed hanging out with you like how we used to back in the days. You know drunk nights. Passing out in the garden. 7 minutes of heaven. Truth AND dare. Body shots! Beer pong! Don’t you miss that?”

Lexa licked her lips and adjusted her bag on her shoulders. Those were the days when she had less responsibilities on her hands. Things had changed. She had things to prove now and trusts that can’t be broken. But the thoughts of her having a wild night was starting to entice her. Her mind started to shroud into a bubble of alcohol and sweaty bodies. Lexa never really considered herself to be a party animal like Raven but she had her moments.

“I do.” Lexa sighed and rubbed her forehead.  _Might as well get this over with._ “Let’s go wild!” She shrieked as she slumped her arm over Raven who cheered loudly as they approached the growing line outside the club.

The loud music starting to get louder and louder as they approached the line. Lexa queued behind the snaking line of people but felt her arm being pulled away by Raven towards the front of the line. Lexa looked at her perplexed.

“Where are you going?”

“We’re not lining up. We have a private party to attend to.” Raven walked up to the bouncer and said, “Reyes.”

The big muscular guy who looked exactly like Hulk Hogan skimmed down the list on his clipboard and nodded. Raven went in but Lexa stood her ground.

“You go in I’ll wait for Costia in a minute.” Lexa mentioned as she waved off her best friend towards the entrance. Raven looked at her suspiciously and narrowed her eyes. The brunette sighed and rolled her eyes at her friend. 

“I’m not gonna run away, Reyes. I swear,”

“You better not! I know where you live, Heda. Remember that.” Raven threateningly mumbled. Lexa looked at her weirdly and pushed her towards the entrance.

She shook her head and took out her phone. Her eyes grew bigger upon seeing Clarke’s name flashed on her screen. She swiped to the right and read the message.

_**(00:18) The blonde train girl: Feeling lonely at my best friend’s party. I wish you were here with me right now. :'( I’m on my 4th or 5th… Oh I don’t know. I’ve already missed counted how many glasses of beer I was drinking. *sigh* Anyways, I hope you’re having fun with your friend. Cause I’m definitely having fun here. All alone. In the booth. With a beer in my hand. Wooohh! Fun! (It’s sarcastic by the way). ** _

Lexa stifled a laugh and bit her lips, preventing anymore sound to come out of it. It was obvious that Clarke just drunk texted her. She shook her head and was about to type a reply when Costia came a broke her out of her thoughts.

“Hey, you.” Costia greeted as she playfully bumped into Lexa.

Lexa looked up and grinned. She was astounded to see Costia looking so audaciously stunning with her tight black romper that hugs her well muscle toned body. With her hair all curled up and falls perfectly on her bare shoulders. The brunette took a gulp peeled her eyes off her and back to her hazel brown eyes.

“Hey Cos. I’m really glad you came. Thank you!”

“No biggie. Need a girl’s night out sometimes too.”

“Raven’s already inside. Let’s head in,” Lexa nodded towards the bouncer and headed inside a very dimly lit corridor. The music started to pound in her chest. Scattered of girls in short and kinky dresses were all over the long corridor. Guys in packs started mulling over them elbowing and snickering at each other.  _So much memories._ Lexa took Costia’s hands who was closely following from behind as they approached a bigger hall filled with neon lights, large speakers hanging from up above and people pumping into the music. They meandered and squeezed their way towards the booths and found Raven waving at them  _too_ enthusiastically. Lexa presumes that she already had shots in her system.

The brunette looked at Costia behind her and smiled reassuringly. They walked up to Raven who immediately hugged Costia as if they knew each other from another life.

“It’s nice to finally meet you!” Raven shouted towards Costia’s ear. The loud music was drowning her voice and they had been talking inches from each other to able to hear what they were saying.

Raven motioned them over to another booth and pushed Lexa in and then followed by Costia who was laughing and giggling at whatever Raven was whispering in her ears. The brunette shook her head at the two and as she scooted towards the red leather seat. Which was already occupied by someone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tried. I really tried to get out of the invitation. Anya had been keeping me less busy than the usual. And I know! I just know that she’s doing it on purpose. During the morning briefing instead of giving me the Capital Town Marketing Proposal (which I helped to close the deal) she gave it to Finn to finished up the final touches. It’s not that Finn can’t do the job but the fact that we’ve already planned out the tasks that we will be delegating to each other. So I confronted her. I walked up to her office that morning and asked her what she was doing. She gave me a confused face, as if she doesn’t know what I was talking about. After years of friendship I know her every single body language. Anya started babbling about less work for me because I’ve worked too much. That I was always going home late every single day. I need to rewind and relax for a bit. Rubbish! I know her tactics. She was only doing it so when the time that Raven finally arrives I won’t stay up to do anything and the faster we’ll get to the club.

I sighed and rubbed my forehead at how devious my best friend is. There’s no arguing with Anya knowing she’s my boss and I have to follow orders. So what I did was I wasted my time. She want me to have less work done? I’ll give it to her. Hence, I procrastinated. I laid the other proposals to one side and carefully and slowly checked my emails, read each and every messages from top to bottom. I took my deliberate time to reply on the appropriate and important emails. I took an extra hour on my lunch and slowly parading my way back to the office. Anya’s been giving me those suspicious eyes and in return I would give her a sweet and the most charismatic smile that I could muster. It sent her over the edge. An hour before everybody else left the office, she walked up to me and asked if the other proposals were done yet. I shook my head and smiled sweetly. Anya was furious and kept telling me that it was needed by the Friday and knowing I won’t be in on Thursday. I couldn’t help but grinned and laughed at her raging reactions.

Anya knew the trick that I was pulling. She  knew that I purposely do the proposals later in the day so that when Raven comes, she have no choice but to give up and leave me in peace as I rushed my way through the proposals after office hours. But did it worked? Hell no! Screw Raven! She called on me and Anya came stomping back to office, chasing me away. How I wish I could cut off Raven’s leg so she can’t drag me away to anymore parties. How I wish that motorbike accident happened in a more gory detail. But of course I love Raven with all my heart. I won’t do that to her. Or would I…

Luckily enough I have Costia with me. Thankful enough that she was there to keep me company. Raven and her seemed to kick it off easily. They were constantly whispering on each other’s ears, giggling and hugging each other. I’m glad that Raven easily accepted Costia in. Cause who wouldn’t? She’s a very lovable person. She’s crazy amazing and have a very passionate heart. Something that I completely envy. I took the seat beside this another girl who have her head over the table. I looked at Raven, trying to get her attention because I wanted to ask who the girl was. But obviously her and Costia were busy talking to each other. So I decided to just sit back and relax watching people grinding on each other at the dance floor.

============= Clarke Griffin ===============

“Raven!” Clarke exclaimed as quickly stepped out of the booth took her eyes off the girl’s shiny shimmering green blouse which completely reminds of her Lexa’s eyes. Raven took Clarke in a big tight hug and grinned at her, realising how much she misses her.

“How have you been, Griffin? It’s been weeks since the last time I saw you. Still busy saving lives,” Raven arched her eye brow and slyly pecked Clarke on her cheeks. Clarke giggled and said,

“Psh! Like everyday! What can I do? That’s my mojo,” Playfully flipping her hair back and started laughing hysterically when Raven gave her a loud snort.

“Only the hottest doctor around Polis,” Raven winked at Clarke.

Clarke sighed loudly, “You betcha! Where’s your friend? Thought you’re bringing a plus one? Octavia’s off somewhere. Hell don’t know where. Would you believe every single people in here knows the Blake? Unbelievable.” Raven nodded and scanned the growing crowd.

“My friend’s outside. She’s waiting for someone,”

Clarke nodded and then excused herself towards the restroom. Drinking too much beer in one go was a horrible idea. She felt her head getting tipsy but was still managed to reach the washroom with no problem. She gave out a loud sigh of relief as she releases her burden off her abdomen and then walked out of the cubicle. Checking her reflection on the mirror as she applied some more blush on and pressed powder. After looking all refreshed, she stepped out into the realm and looked for Octavia.

Clarke pulled out her phone and dial her number. After endless ringing it went straight to her voicemail.

“Nice going, O,” She puckered and decided to wait back at the booth. Which was now completely filled with some unknown people, except the green alluring eyes that was now staring back at her. She felt her heart raced when she realised who it was.

“Clarke! Here’s my plus one! Please meet, Lexa. And  _her_ plus one, Costia. Come on, join us. I just ordered us a drink it’ll be here soon,” Raven ushered Clarke to sit down with them beside this stranger who she had never seen before. Dismissing it as probably one of Octavia’s friends, she looked away from the stares coming from the green-eyed girl.  _I can’t believe she’s here. Lexa is here! Play it cool, Clarke._ Clarke bit her lips and dial Octavia’s number again but it still went to voicemail. Last resort, she called another number and she was pleased at least someone picked up.

“Wells! Where the hell are you? The party’s starting.  _Please_ hurry up. Octavia’s nowhere to be found. I need you.” Clarke mumbled privately on her phone.

“Sorry, Clarke. I’m still at work. I can’t go, we had an emergency break down. Next time okay? I’m really sorry,” Wells profusely apologised to Clarke countless times, making the blonde more depressed. Cause now with Wells not around and Octavia flying off some place else, she’s stuck with Raven and Costia, and not forgetting Lexa. The girl that she can’t keep her eyes away from. The girl who looked breathlessly exquisite and stunning as ever. Or perhaps even more. Clarke couldn’t decide because she was caught in her head and mindlessly staring at her again.

“Clarke. Clarke!” Raven called out, snapping her fingers in front of her. Clarke broke out of her day dream and looked at Raven in bafflement. In her peripheral vision, she saw the brunette snickering quietly at herself. Clarke sighed and scolded herself internally. _Stop staring, Clarke! God damn it!_

“What? Sorry. I think I had too much beer.”

“You drank alcohol? You don’t drink, Clarke. How much did you drank?” Raven asked with a tint of worry in her voice. Clarke rolled her eyes because the motherly instinct of Raven was starting to show.

“Relax, Rae. I don’t know. 4? 5? I think most probably at the least 7. I kind of missed counted,” Clarke mentioned, laughing timidly as she watched Raven’s eyes widened in horror.

“You can’t go home tonight, Clarke. You’re mom’s gonna kill Octavia and she’ll gonna blame me cause I promised to her to keep a look out for you. She told me she’ll only give you one glass! Fuck.”

Clarke looked at her feeling quizzical. She knew how overly protective her mom is or at how her mom relentlessly banter Octavia and Raven in not giving her alcohol. But Clarke thought to herself,  _I can make my own decisions! I’m 25 for crying out loud. I’m not a kid anymore._ Clarke sighed and waved off Raven. She can’t handle this right now, most especially with the alcohol almost taking control of her actions and with the constant staring of the girl on her right. Clarke have her hands full.

“Hi! Sorry excuse me?” Clarke started tapping the unknown girl who was slumped over the table. Raven pulled Clarke off the girl and hissed at her.

“Don’t wake her up. Shhh!”

“What are you shushing me for? This is a club this isn’t the right place to sleep. Jeez!” Clarke started to complain loudly, she knew that it was the alcohol talking but she didn’t stopped there. When she saw that the girl was not moving, she placed her hand over the stranger’s shoulder and shook her hard. “Heeeyy! Excuse me madam! Who are you?”

The girl moaned and groaned, she held her head with her hands and squinted her eyes at the people who was ogling at her. And slowly, her eyes widened in horror.

“Omg! I’m so sorry I think I’m at the wrong booth! So sorry,” The stranger skipped over Clarke and sprinted off somewhere in the dance floor. Raven tsked and shook her head at Clarke, who just shrugged it off and took another swig of her beer. Raven gave her a glare and took away the glass from her hands.

“NO, Clarke! You had enough,”

“Argh! Seriously? Then why am I here for?” Clarke puffed and annoyedly rolled her eyes at Raven.

————————————————-

Moments had passed and Clarke started to feel sweat all over her body. People around her were bumping into her. The music was loud and alluring as she raised her hands in the air, pumping her fists along with the music. She twirled around and around until she get so dizzy and hysterically laughed as she made her way back to the booth. She saw the booth now was overly crowded with the arrival of the curly haired boy.

“Bellamy!” Clarke hysterically laughed and jumped over his childhood friend. Bellamy staggered and stepped a couple of steps back, trying to balance the girl who slumped over his body. Bellamy laughed and hugged Clarke very tightly.

“Hey, Princess,” He mumbled in her ears and gave her a long sloppy kiss on the cheek. Clarke climbed off him and grimaced at the spit on her cheek. She shoved the curly haired guy by the shoulders and wiped away the saliva with the back of her hands.  _Seriously, why does the Blake siblings kissed like that?_

Bellamy slumped his arm over Clarke’s shoulder and stared threateningly at the group who was watching them amusingly.

“Okay. Owned up. Who gave Clarke alcohol? I can smell it,” The people by the booth started to look away, all looking aloof and pretending as if nothing happened.

“Seriously? Not you too, Bell! Come on guys! I just want to have fun,” Clarke whined as she pouty stared at Bellamy with puppy eyes. She started kissing him relentlessly on the cheeks, begging him not to get too overly protective. Bellamy caved in and said,

“Only for tonight because I’m here. Go sit beside Octavia, I don’t want you tripping over anything. It’s very dimly lit in here.”

Clarke scooted over Octavia who gave her a wiggly eyes brows. She scowled at her and playfully peck her shoulders until the little girl pushed her away laughing hysterically.

“I’m perfectly fine, Bell.”

Bellamy snorted and chuckled, “Sure, says by the girl who was rushed into the hospital after tripping on her own foot,” Clarke groaned and covered her face, feeling all the embarrassment as the people surrounding her, including Lexa, was laughing at her imbalanced capacity. “I don’t even know how you made it out as a doctor,” He added shaking his head as he took a sip of beer.

“It’s only my feet, Bell and not with my hands,” Clarke argued back, jabbing her friend in his stomach.

“Oh yeah. Clarke’s good with her hands,” Raven playfully mentioned, winking and smirking at the blonde.

Clarke widened her eyes and immediately looked at Lexa who was watching her amusingly. The blonde snapped her eyes back at Raven, who was snickering by the sight of her and kicked her under the table. Raven let out a loud groaned and hissed at her friend. Clarke smiled contentedly and took a swig of water, feeling parched all of a sudden. She hates it when people started to have their attention all on her. So she sat quietly and watched people hitting it off in the dance floor. Listening from time to time at the conversation at the table and of course, sneaking glances at the brunette, who without a doubt was also doing the same thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t resist it, I have to get out of this hell hole. As Raven continued telling stories at Costia and Lexa. I hastily left the table and let myself submerged by the dancing bodies. I grinded and let loose as other dancers pranced around me. Girls. Boys. It was amazing. I should have done this more often in my teenage years rather than be stuck in the vicinity of my room or in the library cramming to get my college degree. I got pulled away by this guy who started to slow danced behind me, letting me feel his body against my back. To be honest, I would be deeply disturbed by this happenings but the intoxication definitely did wonders at my conscience. I followed the beat and shoved my hair off my face and feel the music seeping through every vein my body. Perspiration started to overcome until I decided to return back to the booth.

When I saw him I was ecstatic! Without even thinking I jumped over him and hugged him with all my might. I laughed and jumped off him until he gave a menacing glare at the people who were in our table. I shook my head, Bellamy was still the same overly protective friend. Bellamy and my mom had a long talk about my well being when I got into an accident by tripping at my own foot. I know. It’s stupid and ridiculous. But trust me fatal accidents happens with a clumsy and inept as me. There’s not doubt in that and my mom deterred me from drinking any alcohol because who knows what I’m gonna do when I let myself drowned into oblivion. Raven just have to let that incident slipped out of her mouth making me feel all embarrassed and flustered most especially with Lexa around.

My eye candy was staring at me again and I can’t help but kept glancing at her way. Weirdly enough, my bubbly personality was suddenly gone every time I looked at her. Every time she watched me with those tantalising eyes. It very unnerving. She was oddly quiet too. We didn’t say a word ever since she came. The awkwardness was killing my vibe big time! I decided to play it off cooly and talked to Octavia but she wasn’t paying attention to me. I kissed her shoulders playfully to grab her attention but she shoved me away and I fell against Bellamy who instinctively snaked his arms around my waist. I ringed my arms around his waist and placed my legs over his lap. I pouted and watched heavy bodies touching each other.

My mind was so clouded. I felt like a needy person who needs to be babied. Feeling intoxicated is it supposed to be like this? I puffed and turned away from Lexa because I don’t want her to see me like this. I was embarrassed enough by my friends trying to deliberately bringing me down by bringing up my most embarrassing moments in the history of mankind. I snarled at them and turned away, clinging like a baby over Bellamy. I brooded over my lack of balance. I brooded over at how perfectly poised Lexa is, whereas I sitting down here looking all sloppy and sweaty. I mean look at her, her short tight dress hugs her slender body perfectly. I sighed by the thought that Lexa might be feeling disgusted over me. She’s probably shaking her head and thinking “Oh so Clarke is like this.  _Totally_ not my type.” I groaned and whined silently, as I gripped Bellamy closer. This is such a bad idea, Clarke! Who would have known Raven knew Lexa after all this time? She didn’t even mentioned her after all the years we’ve been friends. I shook my head by the thoughts until I felt Bellamy getting out of his seat.

============ Lexa Heda ==============

At one point I found myself laughing hysterically. I did found this group of company was very fun to be with. But in another hand, I felt this weird tugging feeling in my chest as I watched Clarke hugging Bellamy. I know I shouldn’t even be thinking about anything else. What we have was purely platonic. I was gravely disappointed. Seeing Clarke and Bellamy almost sent me over the edge because I felt that it’s definitely confirmed that Clarke is straight. Straight as an arrow. I rubbed my forehead by this realisation and decided to pull away my intention towards Clarke. It’s hard enough seeing someone you like all sweet and cuddly towards another person. What more when you're starting to fall for someone who was straight? Just forget about it Lexa. Nothing’s going to happen.

I mulled over this for the past half an hour, as I watched Raven, Bellamy and Octavia ganging up on Clarke. Who have her back against me. I really thought we had a good thing going. I don’t know what’s going to happen after this night. I shook my head in dismay and felt a hand on my arm. Costia smiled at me encouragingly and I tried to smile back. I tried to be positive. I tried to be lively and laugh. But the disappointment in my head was growing stronger by the minute. I thought it was possible. I really thought so. What Clarke and Octavia have and their actions towards each other, made me thought that  _maybe,_ this could happen. Raven told me that Octavia have a boyfriend so I wasn’t worried about them.

But Bellamy and Clarke? The continuous teasing and sly remarks towards the both of them was torturous enough. I got my head straight,  _not that kind of straight,_  but onto the point that I have to stop. Whatever this is. Whatever is going on inside my chest. My head. The pure existence of Clarke Griffin was only platonic and nothing more. I gave out another sigh and stared hard at her back. This is beyond my control. I can only be her friend. Nothing more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Costia nudged Lexa and asked, “Do you wanna dance? Come on!” She tugged on Lexa’s hand, who hesitantly followed the group of friends. She looked behind at the booth and found Clarke all alone slumped back on the leather seat. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for Clarke, but more to herself. She decided against the thought of staying with Clarke and waltzed towards the dance floor with the rest of the gang.

Lexa was pumping her fist in the air, gliding and body rocking with some random girls. The music changed into a slower paced and Lexa found herself skin to skin with Costia. She was breathing heavily and tentatively closed her eyes leaning against the girl’s forehead. The alcohol was enough to get her head fully dysfunctional but not clouded enough to feel Costia’s chapped lips over hers. Lexa stood frozen at her place. Everything came to a complete halt. She felt Costia’s hands roaming her back and her neck.  _No. I can’t let this happen… Clarke._

She gently pushed Costia away from her and shook her head. Costia looked abashed. She looked broken hearted and dejected.

“I”m sorry, Cos. I can’t… I’m not…,” Lexa was losing her words. All she did was to shake her head feeling the guilt and pain that was visible on the other girl's face.

“I’m sorry, Lexa. I got too carried away. I thought we could…”

“I'm into Clarke,” Lexa murmured, as if it was the most easiest and honest statement she had ever said in her entire living existence. And as simple as that Costia understood and took her leave.

Lexa was standing by herself surrounded by strangers that couldn’t careless about her. Of what just happened. Or of what was going on inside her head. She buried her face over her palm and took a deep breath. She knew she was in deep trouble of what she was feeling.  _I have to stop._

=========== Clarke Griffin =============

I felt my chest constricted. I felt my pulse quicken and the hammering inside my head got even stronger. I tore away my gaze towards the two girls in front of me and let out a shaky breath. I shouldn’t be affected. Of course she came here with her girlfriend. Of course a girl as beautiful, funny and stunning as Lexa shouldn’t be single. It’s like its against the law or something. I’ve gotten my heart broken before and this is nowhere near those heartaches. Its better to stop early than regret it in the future.

I called out at the waiter who was taking orders at the other booth and mentioned another glass of beer. I told him to make it quick because I don’t want the others to see me drinking again. In less than 2 minutes, my drink came and slowly I chugged it down until the last drop. I carefully and discreetly placed the empty mug on the other table and walked back to the booth. And that was when I saw her sitting by herself looking at nothing but blank space.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Clarke walked up to Lexa carefully, preventing herself from accidentally tripping at her own foot. She could see how tormented and bothered Lexa looked. She sat down beside her and instead of talking, she hugged her tightly. Clarke enveloped her with all her heart because it seemed to be the most appropriate.

Clarke let go of the brunette and smiled at her encouragingly. She doesn’t want to ask what was wrong because she wanted the girl to speak for herself.  _If Lexa wants to talk. She will talk._ Lexa smiled back and looked down at her hands. Clarke saw how her hands were shaking. How nervous she was, she reminded her head to stay away from those hands. But of course, she didn’t listened. Clarke reached out and held Lexa’s scrawny little hands over her lap and looked away from her gaze. She tried not to flinch or stray her vision towards the brunette’s magnetising eyes because she knew she won't be able to think straight. And she might potential do some damaging at the impending actions that she tried to push at the back of her head. 

They spent another half an hour holding each other’s hands, not saying a word. Until the rest of the group came back all sweaty and filled with laughter.

“Hey Lex, you feeling okay?” Raven asked as she sat down beside the brunette, taking a sip of water.

Lexa nodded and took her hands away from the blonde’s grip. She rubbed her forehead, something that Clarke knew that she was thinking about something. Something that Clarke hoped would eventually find out about.

“Clarke, your mom rang me. Did you tell her where you’re going?” Octavia informed the blonde, showing her 3 missed calls from Abby. 

“Shit!” Clarke hissed and cursed as she made her way out of the club and into the quiet street of Polis. She checked her phone filled with worried messages and missed calls from her mom. Clarke cussed some more as she checked the time and it was almost 1am, she crinkled her nose and tried to formulate an excuse for her mom.  _You’ve got this Clarke._ She gripped her phone tightly with her hands and rang up Abby. Upon hearing her mom’s voice, she bit her lips.

“Clarke! Where have you been?! I’ve been trying to call you! Octavia is not answering her phone!” Abby relentlessly ranted over and over denying Clarke to speak for herself. When the brunette managed to squeeze in between her mom’s profuse blubbering, she started to pour out her lies.

“I’m sorry, mom! I’m at Octavia’s house. We fell asleep on the sofa watching movie… Can I sleepover? Since it’s already late to come home. I’m really sorry mom,” Clarke closed her eyes tightly and silently praying that her mom would let her stay.

Clarke heard her mom feeling aggravated and sighed on the other line. She clenched her teeth hoping that her mom won’t be in a bad mood to not let her stay over. After a few moments,

“Okay. Fine. But I have an early shift tomorrow and I don’t think I’ll be home early either. So just make yourself dinner or order a pizza. And  _please_ be careful, Clarke.”

“Of course, mom. Thank you! I love you. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, honey.”

Clarke ended the call and heaved another sigh of relief.  _That was close!_ She wheeled around and found Lexa standing behind her smirking.

“Aahh. Cinderella was late for her curfew and now caught lying. Be careful you’re nose might grow longer like Pinocchio.” The brunette playfully mumbled as she walked nearer towards the blonde.

Clarke shoved her phone back to her pocket and folded her arms.

“Don’t tell me you too! Look, Lexa I have enough princess jokes about me. I felt bad enough lying to my mom. So  _please_  can you be the normal one? Can’t you be the bad ass friend who sticks up for me and let me do whatever I want without passing judgement?”

“I don’t know, Clarke,” Lexa uttered, taking a step closer to Clarke. She raised her hand and playfully twirl her finger around the girl’s golden hair.

Clarke watched her in horror. She felt the cold breeze hitting her body as it slowly and purposely sending chills all over her body, making her hair stood up. Clarke gulped down the weird sensation in between her legs. She couldn’t help but think how oddly turned on she was.

“It’s a pretty big price to pay,” Lexa continued, as she dropped her hand back to her side and smiled slyly at Clarke.

“Whatever you need,” Clarke mumbled reassuringly. She doesn’t know if she’s making the right decision but all she could think about was that she was willing to do anything for the girl in front of her. Very risky you might say. But Clarke wasn’t bothered.

============== Lexa Heda ===============

_I need you._  I cringed by the thought of it because that was the truth. After a very short time of knowing you, I knew the one I wanted is you. Not Costia. *sigh* I know I broke her heart. But I’d be lying to myself if I let myself be with her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s amazing and beautiful. But the heart wants what the heart wants. I can’t dictate what inside my heart. And what my heart wants is  _you._ No one else.

I couldn’t help myself but be drawn to you. I know it’s another ballsy move but I couldn’t help it. At how your hair glowed under the street lights. How stunningly beautiful you are. How I wish you were mine. But I can’t be that selfish. I can’t be thinking only about myself when I know you don’t feel the same way. There’s no denying it.

But I am utterly and undeniably falling for you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lexa took another step closer, invading Clarke’s personal space. The blonde didn’t flinched or cringed. Lexa took it as a good sign. She took another deep breath and opened her mouth.

“I need you.”

Lexa saw Clarke let out a shaky breath. Her blue eyes bores into hers as it fills with much apprehension and confusion. Lexa knew it was too good to be true.

“.....To get back inside. It’s getting cold,” Lexa continued, as she took the blonde’s clammy hands and pulled her back inside the club.

_I should really stop making all this bold actions._ Lexa shook her head and releasing the girl’s hands, as she sat back down on the booth.

“Hey! There you both are! Clarke? How’s you’re mom? Am I gonna get murdered?” Octavia asked anxiously.

Clarke shook her head and grinned, “Nope. I guess I’m gonna be sleeping over at your house tonight. I told her I felt asleep on your couch.” She shrugged as she scooted closer to Lexa.

Octavia clapped her hands together in glee and then shrieked with excitement.

“Awesome!” Her voice suddenly turned serious and looked at Clarke in a deadly way, “not that I condone you lying. Which you totally shouldn’t do anymore. Because I love Abby with all my heart and she’s like a mother to me… But we’re gonna have so much fun! Raven’s gonna sleepover too. Lex! Are you in?  _Please_ say you’re in,” Octavia asked pulling Lexa’s hands towards her and pouting relentlessly.

“Lexa’s in! Don’t worry,” Raven interjected. Lexa shot her a glare and flared her nostrils.

“Hey! You’re dad is out of the country and you kept bugging me about being all alone in the big house practically everyday. Just come. I’m pretty sure Clarke will be happy,” Raven muttered with much defence, just in case the brunette retaliated on her physically.

_Clarke will be happy? Does she know? Does she know that Clarke is the train girl that I kept talking about? Impossible!_

Clarke took Lexa’s hands and murmured, “Please come. It’ll be fun… Plus, I’ll be happy.”

Lexa sighed and furrowed her eye brows. “Fine. I’m sleeping over.”

Raven patted her shoulders and beamed at her widely. Lexa pulled her arm towards her making Raven inches from her face.

“You and I need to  _talk_.” Lexa whispered sternly at the girl. Raven rolled her eyes at her and settled back at her seat.

She can’t believe it. She’s going to spend the night with Clarke. Well  _not_ only Clarke with the rest of the gang she mean. But still Clarke will be there, she couldn’t help but feel excited.


	3. "Derailed"

============ Clarke Griffin ============

_Look away, Clarke. LOOK. AWAY._ The blonde started to feel the familiar deep shade of pink creeping up on her cheeks as she  _unwillingly_  averted her eyes away from Lexa’s bare back.

“Princess!” Clarke jumped on her seat, whipping her head at Octavia who was grinning at her too widely. She got suspicious, she knew something bad was about to go down.

“What?” she asked weakly, feeling caught having googly eyes at the brunette by the corner who was now stripping her pants off.  _Clarke! LOOK. AWAY._ She sighed internally and stared down at Octavia who seemed very oblivious of her predicament.

“HORROR NIGHT!” The tiny girl exclaimed, shoving Clarke bundles of Blueray DVDs at hand. Just when Clarke thought she can have a quiet night. She shook her head profusely.

“NO! No no…” Octavia pouted. “You know I can’t handle jump scares and whatever crappy gory-horror movie.” Pushing away the stack of DVD off her lap.

“Wow, a doctor who hates gory stuff AND works in a hospital late at night,” Raven squinted, “You do know hospitals are the most haunted places on Earth?” Clarke rolled her eyes as Raven gave her a thumbs up, “Nice one, Princess.”

“Whatever. I’ll be under a rock if you need me,” Clarke mumbled disapprovingly as she scrawled underneath the duvet that Octavia laid out on the carpeted floor in front of a large flat screen tv.

Clarke closed her eyes and tried to drown the pounding headache she was having. At least it was a tad bit better after downing gallons of water, which she completely forgot she have to go to the bathroom. Pulling out of her fortress and scrambled towards the bathroom by the kitchen, She did the best she can to stop giving Lexa perv eyes. Oh how she wished she eyes on the side of her face.  _Stop being a pervert, Clarke!… But did you see her tattoo on her arm? Oh God…_

After a long tedious mental arguments of not looking back at the brunette, she finally found herself sitting down in the bathroom releasing her burden. She rubbed her tummy cooingly and strolled back to the living room and found Raven and Octavia cuddling by the corner and Lexa sitting beside them looking passive. As if the tormenting sound of loud thunder and high pitched screams of the running actors doesn’t bother her. Clarke cringed by the sight. She bit her lips and shielded her eyes with her hand away from the screen. She yanked up the blanket, attracting Lexa’s eyes but before wanting to meet her eyes, she decided against it and scrawled under. Curling up like a little caterpillar shying away from her or anyone else.

_This is safe. This is haven._

“Aaahh!!!” Clarke shrieked at the top of her lungs, pulling the duvet closer to her body upon hearing the girls letting out a loud scream. She whimpered and sobbed quietly, cursing under her breath why she even thought of an idea of staying at the Blake’s house. She was so caught up with her thoughts that she didn’t realised a hand was patting her shoulder.

“Hey,” She heard a faint whisper.

Clarke felt the cover being pulled away from her, she looked up and saw her looking worried. The blue orbs stared back at the green orbs. She felt her chest palpitated a dozen more times, not thinking if its because of the shrilling screams or the angelic face that was staring back at her. By clearing her throat, she made Lexa blinked a couple of times as if she was being pulled away from her reverie.

“Can I help you?” She let out in a husky sound as if she had done a fair share of screaming that night.

“You okay?” Lexa asked painstakingly.

Clarke smiled with a mixture of grimace. How humiliating can it be looking like a complete scaredy cat in front of your eye candy.  _VERY,_ Clarke thought.

“I”m oka…Aaahh!!!” The blonde screamed again, startling the brunette. Clarke automatically shut her eyes and yanked whatever what was closed to her. She sobbed and gritted her teeth when the horrible sound have not reached its end yet.  _You’re okay. You’re okay, Clarke._ _Just don’t open your eyes._ Clarke tensed up and gripped harder for her dear life. After what seemed like forever, she started hearing chirpier background music, laughter and sighing of the girls by the side. She never wanted to let go because she knew that the scary part will come again any minute now and second, she feels oddly secure and comfortable. Moments later she felt a pat on her shoulder, she squirmed and held tighter.

“Hey, it’s over,” It was Lexa’s soothing voice that brought Clarke to reality. She felt the cover was lifted from her head and goosebumps started scrawling on her exposed face. Slowly, Clarke opened her eyes, squinting softly adjusting to the dark surroundings and found  _her_  towering over her still having those concern look.

“You’re safe.” The girl whispered.

Taking one final gulp, she looked up and the screen was pitch black and Raven and Octavia was busy shuffling some DVDs. Clarke nodded and looked at Lexa. Her eyes were as widened in horror as if she had seen a ghost. She jekred her arm away from the brunette’s waist and relentless chanted,

“I’m really sorry, Lexa. I’m sorry… I’m really not good with horror movies,” With much hope that her eye candy won’t feel irked around her. Clarke heard Raven snorted followed by an audible snicker by Octavia, she shot them a glare in hope that they turn into dust. The two girls were unconcerned and continued shuffling around the DVDs.

“It’s fine,” Lexa nodded reassuringly, still staring at her as if they were the only one in the room. Clarke cleared her throat breaking the lingering tension.

“Umm… I’m gonna go to the bathroom,”  _Way to screw the moment, Clarke._ She berated as she scampered towards the welcoming arms of the bathroom. Almost instantaneously, she pulled down her shorts and sat down. She shut her eyes tightly and hissed under her breath while relieving her complaining abdomen. “You’re so stupid. Why did you hugged her? Why? Why? Why?” she chided, hitting her head with the toilet paper roll. After an eternity of scowling and castigating, Clarke was still glad that she didn’t bore any holes on the tiles due to her rigorous pacing.

_**Knock** _

_**Knock** _

Clarke stopped at her track and stared at the door. Clambering to her feet towards the toilet bowl and called out,

“Just a sec!” She immediately flushed and walked up to the sink to wash her hands when the knocker spoke up.

“Are you okay, Clarke?”  _Lexa! Fuck! Hold your shit together, Clarke._

“Yes! I’m fine,” She opened the door, “I guess I drank too much water,” shrugging casually and then breaking into a small smile. She sidestepped out of Lexa’s way and gestured for her towards the bathroom. Once the bathroom door closed, she heaved a sigh of relief and walked back to the living room.

“So… You and Lexa huh?” Raven nudged, wiggling her eyes brows mockingly.

“Friends, Rae. It’s not like that,” Sitting back down on the carpet, draping the blanket closer to her chin.

_**Thunder clap** _

_**Thunder clap** _

Clarke jumped on her seat and winced, shutting her eyes from the lightning that tore across the dark sky, waiting eagerly for the streaking sound to happen. She then tensed up upon hearing the sudden bolt echoing inside the house.

“Yes! Please rain on me!” Raven dedicatedly proclaimed reaching up to the ceiling as if expecting a miracle to happen. Octavia laughed huskily and hit her friend on the head with the DVD casing.

“Help me choose another movie, Mother Teresa!”

_Great! It’s raining WITH thunder and lightning. Not a problem! Another horror movie? Psh! What a great combination!… NOT!_ Clarke bantered as she covers her fidgeting body under the blanket and curled up. She was not going to stay up all night hearing people screaming for two things, one, from the stupid judgemental horror movie that thinks dumb sexy blondes with large breasts running for their lives from a pervert in a scream costume could pass as a horror movie ( _she even have time to make it all sexy and steamy. Are you kidding me?)_ and two, from the unrelenting heavy downpour outside whose friends with Lighting and Thunder decided to come out and play too. Everything was peachy and perfect, that is why Clarke decided to take the massive opportunity of the  _short_ serenity and stillness from of horror movie and rain ruckus free environment, to sleep before hell let loose.

She could feel her surroundings muffling, the relentless bickering the two girls in the corner seemed to be getting distanced by the second. Her eyes were getting droopy and her breathing was evening in her chest until slumber took over her body.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I told them no horror- _freaking-_ movie. They know, they  _know_ how of scaredy cat I am with those frightful and heinous movies. I mean who would want to watch a movie to make yourself scared? Or all the more when you have to pay this kind of dreadful movies in the cinema. Come on! Be sensible. But did they listened? OH NOOO… since when did Octavia and Raven listened to me saying “No” to a horror movie. NEVER! I should have gone home. I knew this would be a terrible idea. But naahh, I’m fine. Completely fine. I’ve only got my dignity thrown out of the window anyways. I’ve only just humiliated myself in front of Lexa anyways. No biggie.

ARGH! I freaking hugged her. Dammit! I was screaming for my dear life and yanked her. There’s a pillow underneath my head. There’s a sofa beside me. Why is grabbing Lexa was in my instinct? *Sigh* How I wished the ground would swallow me up right now. It was the most embarrassing thing ever. I have no face to show her now. But that’s fine I’ll just curled up here under this comfy blanket until karma comes for me. Just when you thought you’re being optimistic about everything. And here come’s your crush breaking you out of your shell. Way to go Lexa!

============== Lexa Heda =============

I never knew how adorable Clarke can be when she constantly making this scrunchy faces every time the scary part of the movie came on. I mean I feel sympathy towards her for the obvious reasons but I can’t keep my eyes off her. Instead of watching the movie just like the two fangirls on my right who’s eyes were completely glued to the screen, here I am watching Gold squirming under the blanket. Her body would tensed up when the sound effect picks up. And when the screams in the room were too intolerable she suddenly yanked my middle towards her. Her face literally smushed on my side and it tickles. She was sobbing in fear. I know I shouldn’t be just staring at her (though I really wanted to) I have to be a reasonable adult. I wiped off the amusement on my face and patted her on the shoulder. I looked at her worriedly as she scanned the room.

She seemed to calm down when she saw the screen pitch black. And I’ve realised I seemed to calm down too. Her eyes shoot out when she realised her arm was around me, I watched her trying to not to break into a smile or whatever. But honestly, I felt comfortable. I felt elated like nothing beats but this person’s arm around you. Not that horror movies bother me. In fact I love horror movies. But seeing Clarke having a sense of security, calms me down. I told her it was okay. It was really okay. Please do it again! My head was literally laughing when I thought about that last statement. How true it was. But she stood up and left for the bathroom, I thought I did or said something wrong.

10 minutes had passed and she wasn’t back yet. I got worried. I followed her trail and knocked on the door. I heard the shuffling footsteps and a flush of the toilet bowl, then the running tap. When I saw those eyes again. I thought I was melting to the spot. My legs were breaking down on me. My chest just decided to happily skipped a beat. I think I’m heading down. Down to the pits of hell.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hold yourself together, Lex. She’s straight. Straight. Straight. Out of bounds. Straight. Straight,” She had been pacing back and forth on the white tiles of the bathroom and chanting this mantra over and over again for the past 5 minutes. “Why do you have to be straight? Argh!” She groaned in agony, gripping the sink. She eased back when she thought she heard the sink cracked.

After moments of relentless pacing, groaning and panting, she stepped out of the bathroom and found Raven and Octavia cuddling at the far corner fast asleep. She stepped over towards the tv and switched it off before settling beside Raven. Flopping the pillow comfortably, she slid down under the blanket and peeked at the blonde all curled up again into a cute little blondie ball. Lexa sighed,  _she must be really scared._ She almost grabbed the girl, spooning her but she mentally stopped herself before freaking the girl out again. So she turned away from Clarke and tried to erase the penetrating tug on her chest.

“Go to sleep, Lex,” She yawned to herself, setting her head comfortably on the pillow.

—————————————————–

“Hmmm…”

Lexa squirmed unconsciously, still fast asleep.

“Hmmm… Hmmmm…”

The brunette was now half awake because of the sound. Sometimes she just hated being a light sleeper. It was an ungodly hour as she stared at the grand father clock beside the tv.  _What’s that sound?_  She wondered still unmoved at her spot.

“Hhmmm…”  _There is it again._ Lexa propped up her elbow and looked over at Raven and Octavia who was soundlessly sleeping. She turned to her left and noticed the blanket was moving from underneath. She gently pulled it away and peeked over. Clarke was crying in her sleep. Her face was painstakingly tormented. Lexa gulped down the worry and scooped up the girl by the waist.

“Clarke,” She whispered in her ears, “Clarke, wake up,” nudging her gently. Clarke’s body tensed up but was still asleep. “Wake up. You’re having a bad dream,” gingerly shaking her hard trying not to scare the girl. Slowly, Lexa’s face lit up as Clarke’s eyes found hers. The blonde was sniffling but was confused by Lexa’s close proximity.

“I’m sorry,” The brunette backed off into a sitting position, “You were having a bad dream, Clarke. Are you okay?”

The blonde immediately turned away and wiped her tears with the back of her hand.

“Umm…,” she croaked, clearing her throat, “Yeah, I’m okay. Sorry to wake you.” Avoiding the brunette’s piercing stares.

Lexa nodded, “You should go back to sleep, Clarke,” The blonde nodded back and slid down inside the blanket back to her original position.

Lexa followed suit. She can’t help but sigh at how much she wanted to bring the girl closer to her. How much she wanted to keep her secure of what was bothering her.

“Lexa?”

“Clarke?”

There was a moment of silence, Lexa furrowed her eye brows waiting for the blonde’s next words but none came. She sighed again knowing the girl might have fallen asleep again. Closing her eyes for the night, when she heard it loud and clear.

“Please hold me,”

She didn’t have to think twice. She scooted nearer to the blonde and slowly placed her arm over her stomach. Clarke tensed up but eventually relaxes as she stirred over facing the brunette. The sadness and grief was still on her face even with her eyes closed. Lexa was heartbroken.

“Go to sleep, Clarke. You’re safe,”

She thought she saw Clarke smiled.  _Maybe, just maybe_. Until she felt her arm slumped over her waist and her face nuzzling the crooked her neck. That’s when made the brunette decided that she would do anything to keep Clarke safe. Even if she can’t have her.

================ Clarke Griffin ================

“Girls! Wakey wakey!”

Clarke stirred, groaning and went back to slumber.  _It’s early in the morning. Please shut up and let me sleep._

“Clarke! Lexa! Lunch is ready!”

The blonde felt the blanket being yanked away hastily making her grudgingly open her eyes and stared up at Lexa who was looking down at her with concern. Clarke blinked a couple of times and unconsciously clenched her fist, when she realised it was something hard but soft at the same time. Her eyes roamed down and shot widely. Clarke stumbled back until she hit the sofa behind her.  _Fuck! I’m groping Lexa’s abs!_

“I… I’m sorry, Lexa,” She shook her head with much disgrace and apologies, “I didn’t know…”

“It’s fine, Clarke,” eyeing her, “I was actually enjoying it,” Lexa smirked, winking at the speechless blonde.

Clarke was muted… Lexa just openly flirted at her… early in the morning. If Clarke was a guy her wood would have probably stood tall and proud.  _This isn’t doing me any good._ Clarke sighed and pinched the bridge of her as she watched Lexa stood up from her and walked over to the kitchen.  _Unbelievable. The girl has girlfriend, Clarke. Get your head straight!_ Her face turned flustered again when she came back daydreaming how reaped Lexa was. She could definitely feel the tone in her body.

“No. No. Clarke. Lexa plus girlfriend equal to a HUGE NO-NO,” She helplessly rambled over and over, neatly folding the blanket and placing it over the couch.

Upon reaching the kitchen, Octavia, Bellamy, Raven and Lexa was already seated over the dining table waiting for her eagerly.

“It’s about time, Princess! Take a seat. I’m starving!” Bellamy bantered, waving for Clarke to sit down with Lexa.

Clarke smiled apologetically and took her sit. She felt her brain spacing out with the touch of Lex…  _Stop! Stop it, Clarke! Eat!_  She bit her lips until she thought she could taste blood.

“Shit,” She hissed, attracting Lexa’s attention.

“What wrong?”

“I bit my lips,” she casually mentioned. Next Clarke knew, Lexa’s finger was on her lower lip, her face was inches from hers. Her warm breathing was suffocating her brain. Those green eyes were staring down on her lips. She quivered involuntarily.

“Um…,” She quickly stood up, making the others eyes diverted on her, “I’m just gonna go to the bathroom,” As fast as her legs can carry her she ran towards the forever welcoming arms of the bathroom. Her safe haven. Her place of isolation free from prying eyes and  _hot and reaped_ Lexas.

“Jesus. How drunk was I last night?” Clarke buried her face on her palms and sunk down on the bathroom floor. Her head was still tormented by the pounding headaches _and_ this girl’s evenly muscled stomach.  _If I could just run my fingers down those… Clarke! Stop it!_ The blonde groaned and shook her head feeling beaten by the thought of it. She pulled down the shorts to release her burden and noticed that her underwear has a spot of wetness.  _Fuck. I’m screwed._

After moments of deliberations of her next steps, she had came up with a solution. She will ignore Lexa because she doesn’t stand a chance from her.  _I mean look at me. Of course, my chest and butt was a complete exception. Those are my lovelies. But… No! Clarke you’re HOT. If Lexa got hers you definitely got yours. Flaunt…_ Clarke sniggered quietly by the toilet bowl, tapping her fingers together like some evil mastermind.

“Get your head be blown away, Lexa. Because Clarke is coming,” Clarke grinned and arched her eyebrow, stifling an evil laugh to herself.

——————————————————–

“Clarke! Are you ready yet?” Octavia called out, tossing her keys on her hand.

“In a sec!”

Clarke came sauntering down the stairs as graceful as she can be. Her two left feet and stairs doesn’t get along very well.

_**Whistle** _

Clarke looked up and observed that all eyes were on her. Her usual blush came crushing in again as she stepped down landing and walked towards the doorway.

“Looking good, Princess,” Bellamy winked, as she snatched the car keys away from the Octavia.

She let a giggle and walked towards the car, Raven slumped her arm over the blonde’s shoulder and made a weird and loud slurping sound while staring at her boobs.

“Damn, girl! You got it going on!” Raven cheekily hinted, as she diverted her eyes towards Lexa.

Clarke noticed that Lexa was looking stiff than usual. She glanced her way and caught her green eyes raking her up and down. With some unknown cold breeze came parading across them, making Clarke hugged herself closer making her plunging cleavage puckered, eliciting a sudden intake of breath from the brunette beside her.  _Hhmmm… Interesting. Clarke 1 – Lexa 0._

Upon reaching the idling car that Bellamy took the liberty to start with of course the scowling Octavia under her shadows pouting to drive for the day. She knew she would be in for a big trouble.

================ Lexa Heda ==============

_Holy crap! Clarke. No…._ Lexa felt her mouth gapped a tiny opening as her eyes laid on the blonde walking down the stairs. The clothes she was wearing was beyond Lexa’s comprehension. Clarke’s tank top’s plunging neck line displaying her well perky chest, partnered with short ripped denim short. As in  _really really short shorts._ Her legs were flawless and toned.  _This is gonna a long day._ Lexa groaned as they exited out of the house.

Raven was making her move to the blonde and found both of them looking back at her. She was confused, but can’t help but to skimmed her once again up and down. She completely understand how disturbing that is but she can’t help it. All the more making things worst for her hyperventilating chest when sat beside each other at the backseat. Lexa couldn’t focus what Raven was rambling about beside Clarke, she thinks something about sitting shot gun. The brunette’s mind was clouded and very much distracted by the view inches from her. She started to feel hot inside her jacket. Luckily Octavia lend her some clothes for the day, she won’t be planning to wear her dirty clothes reeking with alcohol and sweat for another day. So she removed her jacket and laid it on her lap, sighing to finally get some cold air condition on her body.

Lexa tsk-ed when the tank top that O lend her was running up her stomach exposing much flesh. She tried pulling it down annoyingly.  _So much for borrowing when everything was short for her. *sigh* Tall people problems._ Lexa saw the blonde head whipped her head towards her direction and then subtly looked away. Unnervingly, made Lexa gulped down the sudden goosebumps on her exposed skin. She pulled the jacket over her chest and settled down for a long ride to the beach.

=========== Clarke Griffin ===========

I almost forgot to pick up my jaw from the ground when I saw Lexa shimmied out of her jacket.  _God, why are you punishing me?! Why?!_ I gulped down the sudden dryness on my throat as my eyes landed on those muscled stomach. Did I mention I’m a sucker for abs? Let alone a female abs? Jeez, Lexa definitely have it going on. Unfortunately, she covered up her torso with the jacket. Dammit! There goes my view. I sighed over and over again, still dwelling for the view to come up.

An hour had passed and an hour to go before we arrived at the beach. Still there was no glimpse of the view. I squinted my eyes and looked up at Lexa who had fallen asleep against the window. Her head was bobbing back and forth, sometimes hitting the window with a loud thud. I would steal a laugh quietly at my side and then looked straight as if I saw nothing. Very subtle indeed.

=============== Lexa Heda =============

I watched at the corner of my eyes the way Clarke looked at my covered torso. I kept wondering why she kept doing that but I was unmoved. My sleepy eyes were taking its toll on me. I found myself unconsciously bobbing my head along with the car and ended wincing in pain from time to time as I accidentally hit my head against the window. Smooth, Lexa. And now Clarke was laughing at me. I rolled my eyes at my ridiculous act and heaved a sigh. At least I still have my view, I bit my inner cheek as I looked at it on my peripheral vision. In a none pervert way, mind you. I was just admiring the beauty that was given to me. But all too quickly everything vanished into thin air.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Ahh… Lexa? Are you awake?” Clarke murmured, nudging the girl by the arm.

Lexa peeked at her, “Yeah?”

“Can I have the jacket? Sitting in the middle isn’t warm as it looks,” The blonde smiled weakly.

“Of course. Here,” thrusting the jacket to Clarke, who willingly took it and draped it up to her chin. Lexa lips almost turned into a frown as the view dismissed itself.  _Stop ogling, Lexa. Jeez!_

An hour and a half had passed, she woke up and they were still on the road. Raven was talking to Octavia something about engines and motors that Lexa couldn’t careless about, until her eyes drifted down on her lap. The blonde was dozing off like a little kid. Lexa smiled and sat comfortably pulling the jacket up to the blonde’s shoulder.

**_Psstt Psstt_ **

Lexa looked up and found Raven and Octavia pulling a smirk on her. She rolled her eyes and puffed.

“What?”

Raven pouted to the girl on her lap.”So?” she challenged.

“Oh nothing,” Raven coolly let go looking back at Octavia who was snickering at the front seat.

Lexa shook her head.  _This is impossible_ , she thought. She knew she won’t be able to concentrate with these girls making inappropriate comments. She can’t make it more obvious of her ogling over the blonde.  _My friends are nuts!_ Lexa sighed as she settled for the remaining of the journey.

Half an hour later, they finally found themselves walking towards the beach under a less scorching afternoon sun. They trudged down from the car park towards the vacant propped up umbrellas and settled down comfortably. Before Lexa reached their spot she pulled Raven out from the group.

“Raven, a word please,” Raven looked up and nodded.

They walked back towards the car to pick up the remaining basket filled with snacks.

“So what’s up, Commander?” The mechanic jolly asked, skipping beside Lexa.

“Do you know anything?” She mumbled quietly feeling afraid that their friends or more particularly Clarke would hear it. Lexa was not opening the trunk of the car pulling out the picnic basket.

“Oh I know many things, Heda,” Raven smirked as she propped herself up on the trunk of the car. Lexa sighed slowly and rubbed her forehead.

‘You know what I mean… About Clarke,”

“Of course! What do you wanna know?” Raven asked, flashing her perfectly white teeth. Lexa was silent for a brief second, contemplating her next questions. She looked back at her friends by the huge umbrella, feeling unsure if its the right thing to do.

“Is she… You know…,” She stammered.

“Oh spill it, Commander!” The mechanic scoffed, still grinning ear to ear.

“Fine! Is she single?” Lexa revealed feeling flustered and quite embarrassed of her question.

“Who is?” Raven asked innocently, tapping her finger on her chin.

Lexa shot her a glare, “Okay! From what I know. She is but hey! You’ll never know. It’s been months since I’ve seen her really. Need to do alot of catching up,”

The brunette nodded, “Is she into… You know…”

“Girls?” Raven snorted, jumping down and pulling the trunk shut. She shrugged, “Why don’t you just ask, Lexa? Whatever happened to the straight forward, fearless leader? Huh?”

“Clarke happened,”

Raven guffawed loudly and strolled towards her friends. “Plus, what happened to your train girl? Changed of heart?” Looking back at the brunette with a torn expression.

Lexa stopped in her tracks and stared at Raven, she stumbled, “that’s…” as her eyes diverted back to the blonde who was laughing with Octavia.

Raven furrowed her eyes and looked at Lexa’s line of vision. She was still confused, until she came into a realisation. Her eyes widened as large as a ping pong ball.

“No  _fucking_ way! No way!” She ran back to the brunette and shook her hard on her shoulders. “Are you kidding me? Is it true?”

Lexa was silent, averting her eyes away from the hazel brown eyes piercing through her. Her cheeks were tinge with redness, she could even feel it on her neck. She let out a long sigh and nodded slowly.

“AAAHHHH!!!!” Raven shrieked in joy, jumping up and down. Lexa winced.

“Will you stop that!” Lexa hissed, pulling the bubbling brunette down. “They’re staring!”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Raven demanded, looking sternly at her.

“I was shocked too okay? When you brought your “friend” I didn’t know it was her,”

“Oh this is going to be rich! My days are just getting better and better! Can’t wait to tell Octavia!” Sprinting towards the umbrella. Lexa cussed under her breath and grabbed the girl before she could make much damaged.

“No no no! You can’t tell her. You can’t tell anybody! If they found out I will never hear the end of it!” Raven pouted and whined.

“Why?!”

“Because! I didn’t even know if Clarke is into girls. For all I know she’s straight. Look at her,” Lexa explained and gestured towards Clarke who was laughing hysterically over Bellamy’s shoulder. The brunette couldn’t help but to have the familiar tug in her chest, how much she wished that she’s the one that the blonde was laughing with.

“Okay. Fine. But for your information Clarke haven’t gotten herself a boyfriend… or a girlfriend before. So I’m just as clueless as you are,” Raven shrugged.

“RAE! LEXA! What’s taking so long with the food! I’m starving!” Octavia yelled back, beckoning them to come back.

“COMING!” Raven shouted back, “Come on, Commander. Let’s find out,” she smirked, snatching the picnic basket off the brunette’s hands and skipped towards their friends.

=========== Clarke Griffin ==============

“Octavia!” Clarke pulled the tiny girl aside as they settled down under the large umbrella. Eyeing Lexa and Raven at the distance ahead.

“What?”

“Why didn’t you wake me up? I was bloody embarrassed sleeping on Lexa’s lap. I almost drooled!”

Octavia laughed hysterically, patting Clarke’s shoulder.

“You two looked so adorable! I can’t do that!” Eyeing the blonde playfully.

Clarke’s face quickly turned into a tomato, she swatted her best friend. Octavia playfully pushed her arms away from her, laughing none stop.

“Damn, girl! You have a thing for her don’t you!” Octavia hollered.

“I do not!” Clarke didn’t even know if its possible for her face to turn even more redder. She turned away and looked at Bellamy who was sniggering subtly. “Don’t you dare, Blake.” Shaking her head at the curly haired guy. Bellamy raised his hands in defence and stood up.

“Sorry, Princess. O got a point. You’re face’s literally burning red!” Bellamy chuckled receding away, knowing Clarke shit is about to go down.

“I hate you, Blakes. Worse friends ever!” Clarke yelped chasing after Bellamy and when she was close enough, she jumped over his back, choking the air out of his windpipe.

“O! A little help!” Bellamy choked, grabbing Clarke’s strong arms.

Octavia laughed like a child, running towards Clarke’s behind and started tickling her. They were having a great time and Clarke knew she didn’t meant what she said a little while ago.  _Who could hate the Blakes? Their the best friends I ever have!_

—————————————————–

“RAE! LEXA! What’s taking so long with the food! I’m starving!” Octavia called out at the two figures in the distance.

“COMING!” Raven shouted back, jogging back carrying the basket.

“About time!” The tiny girl squealed in joy, rummaging through varieties of sandwiches. Octavia groaned and rolled her eyes back in a dramatic effect, “Aaaahh, Rae this is so good! Unbelievable…” munching down on the grilled cheese sandwich.

Raven grinned and also stuffed her mouth with the sandwich, “Clarke try it, come on.” Shoving it at the blonde. Clarke took a bite and groaned even more loudly. She closed her eyes and hummed on the gooey goodness of the cheese. Raven do know how to make a really good sandwich. She slowly opened her eyes and found Lexa staring back at her with gapped mouth. She cleared her throat when she felt it, the tinge of redness crawling on her neck and started residing on her cheeks. Immediately, the blonde dunked down the basket and handed a sandwich at Lexa.

“Try it, Lex. It’s good,” Lexa nodded and smiled, grabbing the sandwich from the blonde’s hands. Their eyes met when their fingers touched, “Thank you, Clarke.”

Clarke watched Lexa looked away as she took a bite of the sandwich, she thought she saw her blushed. She smiled knowingly and settled down with Octavia on the lounge chairs.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love it. I love it when I see you blush. It makes me think that  _maybe, just maybe (I really really hope so)_ you liked me too. Is that too assuming? Yeah, I’m such an assuming prick. “HAHA!” But I can’t help it. The Blakes are making fun of me. Saying all sorts of things about you and me. How I looked at you. How you tend to stare at me with,  _according to the Blake’s terminology,_ heart eyes. Heart eyes? Are you kidding me? I don’t know what these siblings are watching lately but they need to stop it right this moment! But in all honesty, my chest swelled up knowing that I’m not alone in this. Octavia tried to pry information out of me but I can’t reveal that you’re my train girl. I know if I did, I’ll never hear the end of it.

But fate has finally intervene because out of 7 billion people living on this Earth,  _you_ just happened to be ‘the friend’ that Raven was talking about. What of the odds? Maybe we were meant to meet. We’re not like those people who randomly see others in train stations and have those ‘eye contacts.’ How lucky… No. How  _blessed_ am I to personally know you. I know we haven’t gotten talking and we’ve only met for a short period of time but it feels like I’ve known you for a long time. Maybe from another alternative universe. Maybe Clarke and Lexa are meant to be more than Clarke and Lexa. Maybe we were meant to be more than what we thought we could be.

Fate has intervene.

And I’m going to take advantage.

 


	4. Train Loop

=============== Lexa Heda ===============

_How do I put this? Damn it. I've never been this speechless in my entire life. Anya was sure as hell making my life miserable as she can. She said I was being an idiot again. Did I say again? Let me explain. The first time she said that was back in our high school days when my closet-self came charging into a room infested with sweaty and steamy half naked girls after gym class and I - the gay virgin one- came out deeply frustrated and broken hearted because Roma the so-called 'openly gay' popular cheerleader asked Harper my so-called (as Anya puts it) my 'gay eye opener'. She was my first crush and it went downhill from there because the 'popular girl' did what I've been planning to do for weeks! She stole her. *sigh* I spent my entire junior and senior year avoiding and keeping down low due to my undying crush... Oh did I mentioned that she was my best friend? Yupp, friendship went down the drain._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"You're being an idiot, Lexa!"

"I know! For the 15th time!" Lexa paced around Anya's office feeling deeply perturbed. "And you think I've never thought of doing that? Jeez, Anya!"

Anya raised her hands in defense, "Look, honey. You said nobody knew. I was like 'okay'. Maybe she haven't figured it out yet." Then the older woman flung her hands in the air, "But for crying out loud Lexa, give yourself a break! How long are you gonna hold back? Get over it! It was over ages ago!"

The brunette gave her a cold glare but Anya didn't buckled down.

"I'm  _over_ it, Anya. And  _that_ is not the reason why I'm hesitating. Because if I did what I've been wanting to do...," she took a deep breath to calm down before continuing her words. It was sure as hell taking its toll on her. " I  _can't_ jeopardize my project, Anya and you know that. This job means the world to me. I can't do that."

Lexa walked towards the door with so much heat and hollowed heart.

"Can I say it again?  _You're being an idiot, Lexa!"_

"That's what I aim to be!" She bantered back sarcastically, before exiting the room.

\----------------------------------------------------------

 _You can call me masochistic idiot. Go on then. But I don't regret what I did. I was confused and scared of rejection. After the first one I thought I will never meet anyone else but then there was... Gold. She made my head go crazy. I can't sleep. I can't eat. All I could think about is_ you.  _What are you doing at this moment? Were you even thinking about me?... Are you with him? Are you making out-.... You know what. Forget it. Because my people comes first. I'll do what it takes to not put their lives at stake. They depend on me and that's what I aim to do. I am their head. And I will not change that for anything else. Even if my heart is on the line._

============ Clarke Griffin ============

"Hey there, Princess."

Clarke looked up and realized that Octavia had already arrived.

"Hey," flipping her phone with her hand.

"Still no call, huh."

She sighed and sagged deeper on their booth at Grounder's cafe.

"I don't know what I did wrong, O. I thought we were doing great! You know getting to know each other. We were enjoying each other's company. But then she went awol with me after the picnic. God..."

"Just give her time, Clarke. She'll get there. Maybe she's too busy with work. You know her. She can be such a workaholic."

"You're probably right. I asked Finn about her and he said his boss was back to her bitchy self again."

Clarke pouted pressing the home button again for the Nth time that day. It was still empty.

"Finn. Finn? The train guy you met? Why am I hearing his name so often now?"

The blonde shrugged, "We went out a couple of times. No big deal."

Octavia slapped Clarke's right arm and glared at her.

"Why am I only hearing about this now?! I'm your best friend! Don't tell me Raven knew about this first than me!"

Clarke swore that she almost wanted to dig her own grave right at that moment. She sagged deeper in the booth away from the tiny girl's bulging eyes.

"Oh my god! You did tell Raven! How  _dare_ you!"

Next she knew O was beating the lights out of her like a little girl that she have to grip her flinging arms to be able to talk.

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry! It's just... Raven knew about Lexa and knowing that Finn works for Lexa. You know... It's all connected somehow."

"You owe me big time, Griffin. I'm deeply offended."

"I said I was sorry." Beckoning Octavia for a hug.

"What's done is done! You can't take back what you did!"

Still denying the blonde for an apologetic hug.

"Fine... What am I gonna do, O?... I miss her."

"Did you try contacting her?"

"I did! I messaged her. I called. Finn said he swore that he had seen that woman sleeping in the office a couple of times."

"Okay wait. Let me get this straight... I'm still confused by all of this connection crap. You said you were going out with Finn. But then you're so hang up with Lexa?... What exactly's going on here?"

Clarke rolled her eyes and took another deep breath because she was about to reveal her big secret yet.

"Lexa..."

"Lexa?"

"Lexa's... The train girl."

"Holy moly! Lexa... You're train girl... Is... Is one?"

Octavia was fumbling with her words as she put her two index fingers together - gesturing as 'one'.

Clarke nodded dutifully.

"Oh man! This is huge! No wonder you were blushing as like a tomato during sleepover... And then during picnic... Oh my god! I was right! You are  _so_  into her!"

Clarke groaned in misery. She never thought that she had to reveal her biggest mystery but she was gushing everything out... And there was more to come.

"But why are you dating Finn then?" Octavia continued.

She shrugged. She just shrugged. Feeling confused by her actions too.

"I don't know. I guess... After the night we went to the club, I was pining for her. But then it ended because of... her friend."

"Costia?"

She nodded feeling the tugging sensation again with the mention of the name.

"I saw them making out. Then I thought she was her girlfriend... Of course she has to be! Have you seen Lexa? She's amazing. Beautiful. Smart. And god..."

"Girl, you really got it bad."

"You have no idea."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_I was supposed to be happy. I thought I did the right thing. But why is it every time I see Finn it was you that I kept picturing. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I honestly don't know what the hell am I doing with him. When it's you what I wanted. But don't get me wrong. Finn's great. He's kind and loving. He has a smile that could brighten the room. He's very entertaining. Who wouldn't love Finn? But the problem is... He's not you. He's not you, eye candy. I've tried everything. See him as I see you. Making myself feel what I feel for you. But it's impossible._

_It had been weeks since I last saw you. I don't even see you in the train station anymore. The only person who took the train with me was Finn. We kept  a routine now. We meet up inside the train. We talk about our days. We plan out dates. I guess you could say we were doing well. But you kept bombarding my head. How I wish it you I was spending time with. I wish it was you who I was holding hands with. I wish it was you whom I was kissing._

_I touched his lips and I imagined you. How it would feel like. To finally touch yours. How will my heart race like a maniac every time we touch. Every time I caught you staring at me. How your subtle smiles were directed to me and only me. Like you've been keeping those actions reserved just for me._

_I always wonder... Did you ever feel the same? Did you ever feel the tension when we're around? The longing. The care... The love. I know saying the 'L' word is big. Its huge. But it feels satisfying saying it along with your name. But that will never happen because I chickened out and took the easy road. I never managed or will never find out if you ever feel the same._

_I've hurt myself for not getting what I wanted._

_But that's okay, just as long as I don't hurt you._

============= Lexa Heda ================

There had been reasons why she's evading her and one of them was this guy standing in front of her.

"Lexa, I've compiled all the reports from the design to structuring. Take a look at it and let me know if I'm missing out on anything. I will let the team know."

Finn handed over the file on her table and waited. Patiently waiting for Lexa to look up from the computer screen.

"Okay," slowly receding back after what so many seconds of no reaction, "I guess I'll see you around."

Lexa gritted her teeth at the sight of the guy's back - turning away from her. It had been weeks since she had tried to avoid him or more so turned stone cold with every conversation that they shared. She still can't get over the fact that Finn's dating the love of her life.

_Love of her life... Too soon?_

"Finn wait," taking another deep breath.

Finn turned around and faced her boss.

"Sorry I got caught up. Is everything settled on this file?"

The guy nodded still with aloofness.

"Okay. Thank you."

Before her colleague took his leave, the brunette opened her mouth again.

"How are you and Clarke?"

Her stomach made a pit fall.

Finn arched his eyebrow and cleared his throat, seemed to be trying to ease the tension between them.

"Uh we're doing great. We're getting to know each other. She's wonderful."

Lexa tried not to sneer or snarl or any indication that she's frustrated, angry, madly jealous or anything at all. But instead she smiled as genuine as she can.

"Yes, she is..."

When Finn nodded back and didn't continued the conversation, she took the liberty to end the awkward silence.

"I'll get back to you as soon as I read it."

"Okay. Thank you again."

Lexa nodded back and took the file on her hands. She made a quick breezed through trying to digest everything as she can - even with the conversation overwhelming her thoughts.

_Focus, Lexa. Get her off your system! It's over._

_**Ping!** _

She jumped on her seat by the sound. As if by chance the blonde could read her mind. She rummaged through her desk and finally found what she was looking for.

_**(15:44) The blonde train girl: We need to talk.** _

Lexa shut her eyes tightly before pressing the keyboard for a reply. She never thought she would be having this conversation with the girl.

_**(15:47) Lexa H :* : You're right. Grounder's Cafe after work.** _

_**(15:55) The blonde train girl: Okay.** _

And with that the conversation ended abruptly. She never thought she would have a really cold conversation with the blonde. Their talks were always highly energetic, entertaining and funny but now it was distant and cold. Lexa could almost see the outcome of their impending conversation. _It will sure not look good._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Maybe this is what we need. We need closure. Making a great ending to our story. Sad? Yes. But I have to do this. I can't let my heart dictate my actions. I can't let it win and put a stake on others. I would rather be alone than have someone else's heart be broken. More so when that person is one of my people. I know Finn's nothing to me. But I've dedicated my life and strength for my work and the people under me. You may say that's masochistic and unpractical. That work is work. But I do not care. I will have them first and no one else._

_If this will be the last time I will ever see you again, Gold. I will be devastated. I've never gone through this massive heart ache in years and to be honest, I wish this will be my last. I don't think I'll be able to handle anymore of this so-called 'love'. It's too... far off for my taste._

============== Clarke Griffin ===============

"Are you sure what I'm doing is right?"

"Yes. You both need a closure... At least  _you_ do. If you're so sure that she didn't feel anything for you."

Clarke nodded while pacing back and forth outside the Grounder's cafe. She's 10 minutes early and since it was her off day, she thought of dropping by early to calm her nerves down. It had been weeks since she saw the brunette and she doesn't know how she would react when she sees her again.

"Clarke, relax. You're gonna bore holes on the side walk. I suggest go in and grab a hot beverage. It will help you calm down."

"You're right," she was nodding unrelentingly, eyeing the inside of the cafe, "Okay. I'm doing this. I'm doing this, O."

She kept saying, as if psychologically making Octavia say, 'No! Don't do it!' But of course, it was the tiny girl's idea to have the intervention. And Clarke agreed, because maybe... just maybe it will help her move on. Without regrets of finding out if  _ever_ the woman ever felt the same.

"Yes you are."

Pushing the blonde towards the entrance.

"Okay. This is it."

"Yupp. Off you go!"

Clarke nodded for the last time and pushed open the door. She scanned the quaint interior and sat down by the last booth in the far right corner - far from the window. So she doesn't have to see the brunette coming in. Then she won't have the chance to feel nervous for too long, once she sees her approaching the cafe.

============== Lexa Heda ================

"Are you sure, Anya? I might be doing the wrong decision."

Looking through the window of Anya's stalling car and into the cafe.

"Just go in and have a chat. It'll be over sooner than you think. Then the faster you will move on with your separate lives."

As much as that hurt Lexa, she didn't showed it. Instead she gave a faint smile to her best friend and pushed the door open.

"Thanks again for the ride, Anya."

"No worries, honey. Let me know how it went. I'll be ready at home with a huge tub of ice cream and stacks of movies. So we can bawl our eyes out."

Anya gave a wink and Lexa gave a husky laugh. That's what she loves about her. Always the comforter.

"Okay. I'll call you once it's done."

And with that she slammed the door shut and walked towards the cafe. It had been a while since she had been in this streets. And she knew she kind of misses it but knowing that she will be having a pretty heart aching conversation with her 'friend'. Those memories faded along with the cold breeze.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Ting Ting** _

The tiny bell by the door pierced through Clarke's thoughts. She looked up at the new comer and smiled. Lexa's there standing, scanning the crowd, searching where she was sitting. Clarke waved her hand and the brunette caught her action.

"Hi."

"Hey."

Lexa nodded and took the seat opposite the blonde.

"So... uh you hungry? Wanna order?"

"Oh."

Lexa was caught off guard by the question. She thought they would just head straight to the issue.

"Okay."

Clarke waved at the waitress and ordered their food. Soon, they were left alone again with an awkward silence.

"So... How have you been?"

Lexa asked, with much hope to get a normal conversation going.

"Good. Busy at work. You?"

"Same."

"Okaaaay...."

Clarke dragged the word. Hoping that Lexa would elaborate more but none came so she let it go. She never knew how hard this would be.

"I heard you and Finn are getting along great."

Clarke broke in cold sweat. She never thought that Lexa would be the one breaking it.

"Yeah. He's... He's-... We've been great. Had a great time together."

She nodded, as if by doing so would help alleviate the heavy weight on her chest.

"That's great! I hope for the both of you have all the blessings and love...  _I'm happy for the both of you."_

Lexa smiled tightly.  _Such a lie. Bullshit!_

Clarke noticed the smile but those eyes seemed to darken. And it made her think,  _why so?_

"Thank you. It's great to have your blessing. Knowing Finn looks up to you as her boss... And... Being my friend. That's means a lot to me, Lexa."

Lexa nodded slightly and turned away.  _That wasn't so bad isn't?_

"I'll head to the ladies for a bit."

The brunette pulled away from the booth before Clarke uttered a word. She headed to the back of the cafe and locked herself inside the cubicle and had a major melt down. She sobbed until her chest gave in. Until her eyes made the messy waterworks. Until her mascara ran, making her look like a raccoon. Her heart was pounding and tearing itself apart as she bantered internally of finding ways to escape the scene. Thinking of ways of not going back to that table and face Clarke again. But she knew she have to face it, she have to face her fear.

_I have to end this in a calm and collective manner. I have to end this in a civil way as possible._

"You can do this, Lexa!  _This is nothing._ You'll be fine sooner than you think."

Nodding her head in agreement. She exited the cubicle and gingerly wiped away the escaped tears. She freshen herself up and took a sharp breath before heading back to the booth.

"Hey, the food finally arrived."

"Yeah. Come on, let's eat."

They ate in silence hoping to drown the awkwardness with the constant clanking and thudding of their utensils and coffee cups. But they pushed it too far that soon both of their plates were empty and their cups were drained from coffee. There was nothing left to do but to go back to the issue that they've been trying to push away for far too long. 

Clarke made a start.

"How are you and your girlfriend?"

"Girlfriend?"

That word caught her attention.

"Yes. You and Costia."

"Oh! No, Costia's not my girlfriend."

"But you and her were making out. So I thought..."

"No, no. She kissed me and thought that I liked her  _that_ way. But I said I was into-..."

Lexa ended her sentence in such a haste that Clarke raised her eyebrows waiting for her to end it.

The brunette cleared her throat and thought,  _Might as well end it. She have Finn. It won't make a difference._

"You're into what, Lexa?"

"I...," Lexa stalled, looking back into those blue eyes that she had missed for such a long time. "I said I was...  _into you."_

"You... You're.... What?... I... I don't understand."

Lexa bit her lower lip of what she just said. More so of how Clarke reacted utterly surprised and lost for words.

"Yes, Clarke. I like you...  _But_ I know you're with Finn. And I respect that. Finn is a great man. He likes you a lot. And I know that you do too. Both of you are meant for each other."

Clarke's shaking her head furiously, as if she's hearing something so ridiculous. Then she gave a hysterical laughter as if everything she heard was so damn absurd. Lexa was bewildered.

"My god. I can't believe this. I'm  _such_ an idiot."

"What? What do you mean?"

Lexa's hooked by those words.

"I like you too, Lexa.  _You have no idea."_

"You... Like.... What? How? When?"

Clarke gave a hearty laugh and buried her face on her palm.

"Ever since I first laid my eyes on you. You  _meant_ the world to me, Lexa.  _More_ than you'll ever know. _More than I thought I should be._ "

"But you're with Finn..."

"To hell with Finn!" Clarke flung her hands in the air, "I  _like_ you. I've been burying it down because it never crossed my mind that you'll ever looked at me the same way. So instead of doing something about it. I..."

"You dated Finn instead... To get over me."

Clarke nodded sadly. She never wanted to hurt Finn. She tried to be  _there_  mentally but she knew that she was just kidding herself. The last time she spoke to Finn was 3 days ago when the absence of the brunette was taking its toll on her. She thought that being with Finn would somehow repress the urge and tugging feeling but it only made it worse. Finn had been trying to message and call her throughout those days but she had been ignoring him. And she felt bad because he didn't even do anything wrong.

"I did. Finn is a great guy. He's amazing and funny... But..."

"There's always a but..."

"There's always a but..."

Clarke repeated. She shook her head and smiled. She smiled because finally she can breathe. Finally she let go of what she had been bothering her for months.

"So... Do you... Wanna..."

The blonde slowly trying to bait Lexa because knowing that they both have feeling for each other. It was now or never.

"No."

Lexa answered back sternly. Her voice was shaking but firm.

"What?"

Clarke was astounded.

"No, I don't want to date you, Clarke."

"But why? You said you like me and I like you too... Lexa..."

"I can't."

And with those two words, Lexa pulled out a couple of bills onto the table and left the cafe in a haste.

=========== Clarke Griffin ============

_What did I do? Did I do something wrong? Why did you left just like that? Did I offended you, eye candy? If I did, I'm really sorry. But why did you left just like that? I thought we were doing great. I thought of giving you up but now... But now that we know how each other feels._

_*sigh* why did you ran away? I have to know!_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Clarke stood up from her seat and immediately followed the brunette out. She have to know. She have to know why cant they be together.

"Lexa wait!"

She stumbled on the pavement, trying not to trip over her own foot again. Lexa was moving fast and Clarke couldn't catch up with her. Not in this state of pandemonium of after office hour rush.

She elbowed her way through the throngs of office workers and passers by. She cussed because she missed where Lexa turned and now she lost sight of her.

"Argh!"

\-----------------------------------

_***The following day*** _

"I can't. I'm sorry. _I'm really really sorry..."_

"Why? Did I do something wrong? Tell me."

"No!... Its not you. Its me..."

"Then tell me. Tell me  _why_ we have to end this?"

"Because im in love with someone else!"

"You-..."

"I'm sorry, Finn."

Clarke took her bag and stepped out of restaurant. Its supposed to be their first monthsary of dating but she cant continue anymore. Her heart was broken. Finn's heart was broken.

Her world is crumbling apart because Lexa's avoiding her _again_.

Because it was raining heavily outside and she forgot her umbrella.

Because she forgot her wallet, so she ran and ran.

Because Finn was shouting for her to come back but she didn't turned around.

Because as she turned to her left there she was. She was there standing. Watching her with those surprised eyes.

========== Lexa Heda =============

"Hello?"

"Prepare your sofa. Dvds. And large ice cream tub. We're gonna bawl our eyes out."

Anya sighed, "it went that bad huh."

"Don't even start... Be there in 10."

**_*10 minutes later*_ **

**_Knock knock_ **

"Hey, how are you holding up?"

Lexa smiled faintly and entered Anya's apartment.

"You know, I think I'm planning to marry myself instead. You know, be like Ms Sue Sylvester from Glee. I think its more reasonable. Less heartache. Less drama. Less jealousy. Less expectations. _"_

_"And less Clarke."_

Lexa gave her a look and shook her head as if clearing away her thoughts.

"Can we not talk about her. She occupied too much of my time already."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Yes." She uttered with much conviction and firmity.

"Alright then. What do you wanna watch, Lex?"

Lexa stalled. She stared. She was all over the place. She knew that. Of course she knew that. It was a new atmosphere for her. She never felt so disoriented before. Like she doesn't know what to do next. All she could think about was,  _Clarke. Clarke. Clarke._

Anya scooted nearer to her, watching her best friend giving a blank face again. She sighed some more.

"I guess its time to bring out the big tub now. Wait."

"Wait!" Lexa bellowed sarcastically surprising Anya, " 'Lexa, wait! Those were her last words to me. But I ran. I ran away like a scaredy cat!" and she started laughing ridiculously with her green eyes swimming in tears.

"Oh boy...," anya rolled her eyes, "here we go again."

"You know I don't get it. Life can be so unfair! Why do you have to meet people, have feelings for them but then they wont let you be with them. I don't get it Anya!"

"Okay, baby girl. Hold that thought. Let me pull my gun out. We will shoot this bastards who dare to make my baby girl cry."

Lexa snickered and watched Anya skipped to the kitchen and brought out a huge tub of rocky road.

The brunette pouted and started brimming some more.

"I dont get it!" Snatching the tub and spoon from her best friend. "Why do I have to give? Why do I always ended up not the happy one. Don't I deserve happiness too, Anya?"

Anya gazed at Lexa remorsefully and rubbed her arm in comfort.

"You deserved to be happy Lexa. Maybe... just not with her. MAYBE the 'right' one is on her way. She just got stuck in traffic."

Lexa laughed, "The 'right one'. Please Anya spare me the crap. You know that's bullshit."

Anya guffawed and smacked Lexa's shoulder. The girl winced and threw her arms around Anya.

"Thank you, An. I wouldn't made it if you weren't around."

  
"Of course. I'll always be here, Lexa. Remember that."

Lexa nodded and smiled sadly.

"You know its neither of your fault, right. You guys didn't know."

"I know but I think its my fault... This time."

Anya arched her eyebrow at Lexa.

"What do you mean, Lexa?"

\------------------------------

**_*10 minutes later*_ **

"Can I say it again? Youre an idiot, Lexa! How could you be so stupid!"

Lexa grimaced at the fuming girl. The older one was literally a raging tomato.

"I made this decision with my head and not my heart, Anya."

"Oh my god. You are masochistic. You just proved it. At first I thought Harper was just a passing game. But actually you were sabotaging your own happiness. You  _knew_ that Harper has a thing for you too. But once the goody good girl Roma came to the picture you backed down like a little puppy. And now you're doing the same thing with Clarke. And now you're complaining why the world is so unfair?! I dont get you, Lexa! Clarke is practically throwing herself to you and there you were running away from her."

"Its not easy, A. And you know that. Finn is one of my great guys and I can't lose what we have at work. What's he gonna do when he found out that Clarke broke up with him because of me? You think hes gonna be happy? You think he'll be okay with it? No! Finn is a determined guy. He'll get what he wants. And what he wants is Clarke. I cant get in a way with that."

"Argh!  _Why are you so frustrating, Lexa!"_

Lexa took another spoonful of the ice cream and drowned in sorrow. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Maybe I was being stupid. Maybe I was being an idiot, AGAIN. I've let you go without a fight. I've let you go without a say. I just left and let my head decide what I think was best for me. Is that the right decision? Would I choose my work than my happiness? But my job makes me happy. But so do you, eye candy. This is ridiculous._

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_***The next morning*** _

"LEXA!" 

Finn stormed into their department filled with rage. Lexa looked up from the computer and watched the guy walked up to her with vengeance.

"What can I do for you, Collins?"

"Is it true?"

"What's true?"

"Don't play crap with me, Lexa! Is it true?!"

Lexa stood up from her desk and towered over Finn. Starting to feel annoyed and confused. 

"I don't have time for this game, Finn.  _Get back to work."_

"No! I need to know! Did Clarke broke up with me because of you!" 

Lexa's throat grew dry. She almost choked as her words came husky and low. 

"What?" 

"You heard me. Is it true?!" 

Everybody in the office were staring at them now. This is not the scene that Lexa wanted. Most especially when it comes to her personal life. She knew that Finn is trouble when she found out about Clarke. He can't control his temper and throw a tantrum. When didn't get what he wanted. That's what he is but this does not forego the fact that he's good with his job. That's why Lexa's giving him a chance. But now she's starting to think twice. 

" _Finn,"_ She gritted, "Let's not talk about this here." 

"NO! I  _need_ to know, Heda!" 

"Finn." 

Lexa puffed a breath, refraining herself from pulling Finn outside the door violently. But instead she exited, knowing that Finn will follow her. Once she reached at the far corner of the elevator landing, away from ear shots or prying eyes. Lexa faced Finn with much heat and frustration. 

"I don't know what you're talking about, Finn. I haven't talked to Clarke for weeks." 

"Of course!" Finn blurted sarcastically, "You honestly think that I would believe that? Screw you! She broke up with me because of you Lexa. I knew it has to be because of you. My god, how you two look at each other. How Clarke kept staring at the picture of the two of you. How she always checks her phone as if she's waiting for someone. You people disgust me!" 

Lexa clenched her fists together feeling the bubbling anger inside of her. Refraining herself from getting her hand across Collins' face. 

"Finn," she said calmly as much as she can muster, "We're at work, this is unethical of you to come here and started accusing me for something I didn't do or wasn't aware of. If Clarke broke up with you without an explanation be man enough to ask her and not point accusing fingers on anyone.  _Most especially to your boss."_

Finn took a step back at Lexa's tone of authority. It was visible that the guy's holding back his anger and frustration. He took another step back and shook his head before entering the elevator down. 

Lexa sagged her squared shoulders in relief. Never did she imagine it will be this bad. She wasn't aware that Finn would turn berserk or even violent. She's starting to feel claustrophobic all of a sudden and went straight to the emergency staircase and ran down. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_This is not what I expected it to be. For Clarke to break up with Finn. For him to create a scene. For him to start accusing me of something I didn't know about. What I was hoping for was some peace and quiet, away from drama and heartaches. That's my aim. That's what I wanted after meeting Clarke, after finding out Finn and Clarke together, after declaring my interest on her._

_But this. This is different. This is not what I wanted to happen. I would be lying if I never felt a sense of relief. If I didn't felt a huge weight were finally off my shoulders. But now another heavy thoughts were bombarding me. And that is an angry and retaliating Finn Collins._

============= Clarke Griffin ==============

"O, for the last time I'm fine. Would you relax." 

Clarke sandwiched her phone between her ear and shoulder, trying to pull out her lunch out of the microwave. 

"Clarke how do you expect me to relax when my best friend broke up with her boyfriend." 

She rolled her eyes at the comment as she carefully placed her hot instant noodle on the table. 

"Okay, first, he wasn't my boyfriend. We're friends just getting to know each other. Second, I didn't break up with him  _because he's not my boyfriend!_ I just ended our constant meet ups." 

She shrugged trying to fork down some noodles into her mouth. 

"Even so... Do you want me to come over? Wanna cry over it? We'll binge on netflix and ice cream. I have a great shoulder to cry on." 

Clarke snickered by the last statement and smiled warmly at how Octavia took her best friend responsibilities seriously. 

"Octa-... Hold on." 

Clarke stood up from her chair and walked to the front door - someone's knocking insistently. 

"One sec!" 

She opened the door without looking at the peep hole and almost instantly, Clarke regretted it. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

_***The day before*** _

"Clarke!" 

She ran. She pierced through the crowd. She penetrated the heavy sheets of rain. Her chest was rising. She was panting so hard that her heart was screaming for air. She was reaching the intersection and turned to her left with much hope of losing sight from Finn. She just broke his heart. As much as she hated what she did. She have to do it. As much as she hated it, wave of relief washed over her. It help her breathe deeper and a little easier. 

But it was too soon to tell, when her chest was constricted again. Because before her there was Lexa standing under a black umbrella. Watching her in great surprise, mirroring her expression. 

"Clarke." 

The brunette breathed. As if finally breathing air after a long time. 

" _You don't talk to me_." 

Clarke glared at her and stormed past Lexa who was startled by her cold demeanor. 

 _"Clarke!"_  

She ran again. As fast as her legs could carry. Away from Finn. Away from Lexa. Away from this endless loop. She needs to be alone. She needs to think. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Clarke? Are you still there?" 

She clenched her jaw and pierced her eyes to her unwanted visitor. 

"I'll call you back, O." 

She uttered softly and let her hand dropped to her side. 

"What are you doing here?" 

She spatted offendedly. She was mad. She was...  _She was relieved._ But she didn't showed it. 

"Clarke. We need to talk." 

"What's there to talk about, Lexa? After you rejected me and took off. I don't think there's nothing much to talk about. You've made it pretty clear that you don't want anything that got to do with me." 

"Clarke." 

She could hear the sigh and sadness ringing with her name. 

"What do you want, Lexa?" 

"You broke up with Finn." 

Her chest made a loud beat that she thought Lexa heard it because her eyebrow shoot up. 

"That's none of you're business, Lexa. Plus why would you care anyways. My decisions got  _nothing_ to do with you. You don't even want to be around me." 

Clarke chuckled venomously. She chuckled because her plight was ludicrous. She wanted A but dated B instead. After she and A confessed their love for each other, A broke her heart into a million pieces and ran away. Avoided her. Ignored her after trying so many times to reach out for her. After dating B, Clarke realized that it wasn't fair for B and apparently for her too so she ended it with him. B's broken hearted. She's broken hearted too. And now A came knocking at her doorstep in the middle of the day, on her off day when she conveniently wanted to enjoy her instant noodle in peace.  _But of course none of it matters now._

"I. DO. CARE, Clarke." 

The blonde shook her head in disapproval. How could she believe what ever the girl was saying?

Seeing the disbelief on the blonde's face, Lexa pressed on, taking one step inside the threshold. 

"I know my actions were harsh and I broke you're heart. But I made that decision with my head and not with my heart." 

"Wow. You are more twisted than I thought... Lexa I opened up to you. I trusted you.  _I fell for you,"_ shaking her head once more, "But you threw it all away and took off. You ignored me. You avoided me. Hell, now you're here inside my house demanding that 'we need to talk'. Lexa,  _how dare you."_

"Clarke, please. Try to understand." 

"I've been trying to understand you, Lexa. But damn it, 2 fucking weeks Lexa. Did you know how torturous that was?" 

"I know. I know..." Lexa whispered taking the girl's hands to hers. As if begging her with her eyes. 

Clarke couldn't help but feel smoldered by those amazing green eyes. How she felt lost and speechless.

"Clarke, I'm sorry I broke you're heart. I'm sorry I took off... I was scared. I was afraid what people might think. And I know it was too late now, now that I've hurt you but at least forgive me. That's all I'm asking." 

She pulled away her hands gently and rested her eyes back at the taller girl. She gulped down the growing lump in her throat and felt her words were huskier and heavy. 

"I don't think it'll be that easy to forgive, Lexa." 

"Clarke, please." 

Clarke turned around and stalked to the living room, shoving her hair out of her face. Her frustrations building up. Then she heard footsteps right behind her and soon warm arms enveloped her. She breathed out shakily as she leaned in for the touch. 

"Lexa, please." 

" _Please._ That's all I'm asking... And I'll be out of your hair." 

She peeled away from her hastily and she was brimming.  _So she comes back and then leaves again. Unbelievable._

"So that's it then. You ask for forgiveness and then what? I'll grant them to you and then leave as if nothing happened?" 

"Clarke, that's not-"

" _That's_ exactly what you're doing, Lexa. Why? What are you so afraid of? You're afraid of Finn ruining you're reputation? Was that it? Are you willing to sacrifice you're happiness over that?" 

Clarke watched Lexa's jaw tensed up. She knew she hit a nerve. 

"I'm sorry, Clarke but that's how I survive." 

"Survive? Reputation is your only survival? Lexa... Don't you think you deserve more than that? Don't you think you deserve to be happy? For once Lexa. Choose something that will make you happy," taking the brunette's hands on her, she could feel it shaking. "Just this once." 

Lexa gulped down the fear creeping on her. She knew that Clarke was right. Anya was right. She have to choose her happiness... just this once. So she let go. She let go of fear, her thoughts, of Finn. Cause she made a decision right at that moment. She let her heart to decide. 

"Maybe we do." 

Clarke never felt anything so alive. So electrified. The softness of the girl's lips on hers made her shudder. She felt Lexa's shaking hand on her cheeks and she steadied her with her hands on her waist, deepening the kiss. 

And as simple as that, everything dissipated - the anger, frustrations, ego, pride. She wished it was that easy. As easy as her lips felt the unusual familiarity, as if  it belongs there all this time. Once both girls took a breath of air, a smile broke on Clarke's tingling lips.

"It's better than I've imagined."

"Glad I've exceeded your expectation."

Lexa smirked only making Clarke grin like an idiot.

"So that's that mean your staying?" she asked, tightening her grip on the girl's blouse as if she'll disappear in thin air. 

Lexa sighed rested her forehead against Clarke's.

"I'm staying."

Clarke swooped in for another kiss that Lexa immediately fell into. She raked the brunette's braided hair with her fingers bringing her closer as much as possible. Soon Lexa's body was flushed against Clarke's with the wall holding them up. The atmosphere was building up and so was Clarke's hand gliding up underneath Lexa's blouse, feeling the girl shudder under her touch. She smiled into the kiss and bit her lower lip, eliciting a soft moan from the girl. It turned her on wildly as she gripped on her toned abdomen. 

_**Riinngg Riinggg** _

\----------------------------------------------------------

Lexa jumped away from Clarke and instinctively pulled out her phone. 

"Shit." 

The brunette searched for the girl's eyes apologetically and uttered. 

"I have to get back to work." 

Clarke sagged back on the wall and sighed. 

"Of course you do." 

"I'm really sorry." 

"You owe me  _big time._ " 

"Whatever you want." 

"Whatever I want huh?" 

Lexa heard the playfulness on her voice, she smirked and arched her eyebrow coyly. 

"Whatever," grabbing the girl's loose shirt, "You," resting her forehead against hers, "Want," planting a soft kiss on her lips. 

Clarke groaned and gently pushed Lexa away from her. 

"You better get back to work or Anya will kill me if I held you hostage right at this moment." 

Lexa laughed and left a sad smile. She brought her hand on the girl's cheek brushing away the trail of tears that had fallen moments ago. 

"I'm really sorry, Clarke. I never meant to hurt you. You have no idea how hard it is for me to not see you or talk to you. It had been torturous for me too." 

Clarke leaned in on her hand and sighed. 

"Glad that I'm not the only one." 

Clarke pulled the girl for a hug and taking in her deep scent. A scent of familiarity. A feeling of home and nostalgic, like when you breathe in the fresh smell of the rain aftermath or a fresh cut grass. It made the blonde's stomach coiled up with anticipation. 

She groaned once more, pushing the girl away. 

"You  _really_ have to go back to work... Like right now."

Lexa grinned widely and walked out of the doorway. She turned around and faced Clarke. 

"I'll be back. I promise." 

"I know you do." 

"Clarke?" 

"Hm?" 

"I love you." 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Clarke's eyes softens and she smiled. If only I managed to record those words, I would use it as my ringtone._

_"I love you too, Lexa."_

_Those words sent electricity down my spine that it literally made me shuddered to the core. My heart was bouncing with joy. My palms were sweating and I swear if I don't leave that porch I would never come out of that house anytime soon. I know my main motive of going to Clarke's house was to ask for forgiveness. And of course ask the reason why she broke up with Finn. Letting her know the scene that he pulled out in the office. Reinstating my reputation where it belongs to._

_But none of those happened - well except for the forgiveness which was given because we kissed. Yes we kissed! It was better than I thought. It was better than what I've imagine it would be. I've never thought of kissing her or holding her in my arms. Neither was I thinking of using my heart instead of my head in that situation. But Clarke... Clarke opened my eyes that made me see what I've been really missing out. After distant relationship with my dad and with an absent of a mother, love was never in my dictionary. Affection, kiss... neither of them._

_But when I met Clarke she made me think otherwise. She made me feel confused. She made my heart beat raced like it wanted to jump out. She made my skin crawl with every touch. How her eyes draws you in like the tidal waves. She's beyond of it all._

_If you wanted to know if I made the right decision? I don't know. But one thing for sure, anything with Clarke in it. Will always make me happy. I made this decision with my heart and not with my head. It's illogical to think._

================== Clarke Griffin =================

Clarke bit her lips as she waved to Lexa goodbye. Though it wasn't exactly a goodbye but more of a 'see you later' kind of goodbye. 

She softly closed the door behind her and grinned goofily. She could almost feel her cheeks tearing away from her face. It was too wide and too painful but she didn't care because Lexa Heda just kissed her and she said that she was staying. 

Clarke laughed happily as she skipped to the table and sat down, staring at her cup noodles for the next 5 minutes - with a stupid grin on her face. 

_**Riiingg Riingngg** _

She jerked awake from her daydream replay of their kiss and pulled out her phone. 

"Hello?" 

"Oh thank God, you're alive! I thought something happened. Are you okay? Did Finn try to break into your house? What? Tell me! I'll call the police!" 

"O! Relax, I'm fine." 

"Are you sure? I swear I have the cops number on my speed dial." 

"Yes," snickering a bit, "It's just... It's Lexa. She came by." 

"Oh my god! What happened? Spill!" 

Clarke closed her eyes and breathe out. She knew it was too soon to tell but she can't help but feel exhilarated that she just have to talk about it.

"Holy moly! You didn't!"

"Yes. Did."

"Oh my gooodd! Clarke! This is it! Don't you dare screw this up!"

She rolled her eyes.

"I wouldn't, O. Trust me."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_For what it's worth, I don't care what will happen now. Just as long as I'm with Lexa. I've never imagined myself thinking this way with anymore before but that girl changed me. She's too good to be true. The way she looks at me. As if I held the world in my hands. The way she speaks with so much authority that it gives me a sense of pride and comfort. Her touch. Her smell. Every bit of pieces of her was alluring. I can't get enough._

_I know I want her. No. I_ need  _her. I need her in my life. She's the essence that keeps me together. That keeps me waking up in the morning knowing that everything's going to be alright. She's my other half. She's my world._

_Maybe it was too soon to see. But the feeling was too strong and it's hard to let go. Without her by my side it makes my life empty and hollowed._

_Lexa Heda you make my head spin._  

 


	5. Train Crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh gosh... I know it's been a looong time that I haven't write on this story. Sorry about that! But no worries, here's the continuation! Hope you guys enjoy it! 
> 
> Cheers!

============== Lexa Heda =================

Lexa's eyes widened at the state of pandemonium outside her office building. Herds of people were piling out of the entrance in great panic. Her feet immediately sprang to life shoving people out of the away and immediately, stormed into the entrance when she felt a strong grasp on her arm.

"You can't go up there!" those brown eyes of the security guard were alarming but she pulled her arm away.

"What's going on?" He pulled her to the side and away from the growing crowd. All sorts of things were popping inside her head.

_Fire? Accident? Emergency drill? Somebody finally opened that large secret vault at the 9th floor and found out it's a secret weapon to destroy the city? What? What is going?_

"Hostage," the security guard named Earl said in a flat line.

"Host-... Hostage?! What? Where? Who?" her eyes suddenly came into a sharp focus and watched the stampede of her yelling colleagues.

"Marketing Department," her head snapped at him, her body turned cold as she bolted into the entrance - pushing, shoving and shouting at people to get out of the way.

Lexa made quick detour to the fire escape where she could hear faint shouting and weeping gravitating from upstairs. Surprisingly enough, it gave her more strength to forge 11 storeys up. The brunette gripped the railing into her palm and hoisted herself up three steps at a time.

"UGH!" she shoved her hair back and grunted angrily when she felt herself slowing down in pace, "come on!" Inhaling sharply, she gritted her teeth at the last 3 flights of stairs.

Abruptly, her feet stopped. Her throat went dry when her eyes found the emergency door of the 11th floor. A gun had fired and loud cries penetrated her ears. "No..." she yanked open the door and sprinted towards the marketing department.

_"SHOW HER TO ME!!!"_

A loud threatening chuckle resounded the office and when Lexa finally reached her destination she can't believe who the hostage taker was.

=========== Clarke Griffin ================

"So, what is it like kissing Ms Eye candy? Hmm?"

Clarke have to bite her lips to stop herself from giggling like a teenager. She hummed, putting down her fork and held the phone closer to her ear.

"Soft," she sighed, "sweet. Oh God... I can't believe we kissed, O! It's- It's like a dream. No, better than a dream! Like I'm in heaven! She's like an angel that swept me off my feet," she grinned widely feeling her cheeks about to tear apart from her blissful thoughts.

"Gosh, Griffin you're such a sap!" Octavia was giggling too from the other line.

"But seriously, Octavia. I really think that things finally changed for the better," a smile touched her lips leading her to think of all the butterfly moments that she had with Lexa.

"I'm happy for you, Clarke."

"Me too." 

============== Lexa Heda ==============

"Come out, Come out. Where ever you are!" 

That sickening voice made her chest raced and her hands shaking but that didn't stopped her from standing at the entrance of the office and face the captor.

"I'm right here!" she shouted attracting those red eyes that soon landed hers. Her heart was beating loudly in her ears. Her throat was even more drier and huskier that she even took the time to clear her throat. Lexa's attention was on that man who was grinning at her from ear to ear. To that man who was holding a gun that he was cradling on his chest. To that man's bloody hands and shirt. To that man who was chuckling and yet, crying at the same time as he spoke his next words.

" _Where is she?"_ He spat, "I know you have her. I know you're hiding her from me! SHOW HER TO ME, LEXA!" Spits were spurting everywhere, shaking hands were fumbling at the trigger that soon was pointing her direction.

"Finn," she choked out in a soft and calm tone, "take it easy. Put the gun down. You don't wanna hurt anybody."

But the boy chuckled hard, sending him to take a step back and raised his hands around the room as if he's showcasing it to her.

"Take a look around, Lexa. What do you see?"

A hint of delusion was visible in his eyes but his lips were still cracked into a wide grin. Lexa finally took a good look around the office and gasped at the bloody carpet. A hand was peeking out of the cubicle partition and seemed to be lifeless. The horror in her face was unimaginable that she didn't think twice to step forward ignoring the loud gasps and cries for her to turn around and run while she still can.

"How many?" she asked shakily.

"18," Finn answered cooly, extending his arms wide like he had won the lottery. "And I will kill  _more_ if  _DON'T FUCKING SHOW CLARKE TO ME! SHOW HER TO MEEE!!!"_

Lexa stumbled backwards at the sudden out rage and gripped the table behind her.

"Finn, Clarke is not here," she said in a calmly manner that she can muster.

"No," shaking his head sadly, "No... I don't believe you, Lexa. I will  _never_ trust you because you're a FUCKING LIAR!!! I know Clarke is here!" He stumbled forward almost tripping on the carpet as he grabbed her by the collar and wheeled her around pressing her back against his front with the gun pointing on her head.

"I don't believe you," he spat on her ear, "where is Clarke, you bitch!"

Lexa flared her nostril, helplessly trying to breath at all due to the tight grip of the boy's hand around her neck. A waft of alcohol greets her nose and it hit her that this guy was drunk. It didn't even occurred to her now that he's inches away from her.

"Clarke is not here!" she protested holding on to his arm for her dear life. Finn pulled Lexa backwards and straightaway, directed the gun at the two employees who tried to stand up, "Move and I'll shoot her!"

Instantly, everyone stopped breathing.

============ Clarke Griffin ==============

Clarke frowned at the new caller, "Hey, O. I'll call you back. Raven's calling me. Alright, bye."

She ended the call with Octavia and answered, Raven.

"Hey, Rae what's up?"

"Where's Lexa?!"

The girl's high pitched voice made Clarke stood up from her seat.

"At the office. Why?"

"Fuck!"

Clarke walked out to the living room with curiosity.

"What's wrong, Raven?"

"Clarke, Lexa's department was being held hostage."

"WHAT?!" She almost dropped her phone, her mind was getting crowded of scenes of Lexa sprawled on the floor with a gun pointed on the head.

_Blood. Blood everywhere!_

"Clarke, calm down," the blonde didn't know that she was breathing so loudly that suddenly it was all she can hear on the speaker phone.

"How do you expect to calm the fuck down, Raven?! Lexa might be in trouble and I don't know if she's safe or not!"

Her breathing was getting shallower as she listens to the girl on the other line.

"It's all over the news, Clarke. My colleagues and I were literally outside our building looking at the opposite street at Lexa's building."

Clarke could hear cars honking, people shouting and that was when she decided.

"I can't sit here and do nothing. I have to find her." She stormed out of the house not hearing what Raven's next words were.

============= Lexa Heda ================

"Not here? Why would I believe your stupid lies, Lexa? Huh? You lied to me when you said you didn't know that Clarke broke up with me because of you!"

"I didn't know! I swear!"

"Stop with all the lies! You're hiding Clarke, I know it! Take me to her!"

Finn gagged Lexa with his arm tightly wrapped around her neck and his gun held high just in case any of the employees tries to make a move. The brunette gasped for air and when she felt the grip loosen she immediately take in as much as she can.

"Why are you doing this, Finn?" she choked.

"Because Clarke and I belongs together. She's my world. I love her. I gave her my heart but what did she do? She threw me aside for a girl! How fuck is that?! She broke my heart because of you!"

Lexa felt a strong hand pushed her to the ground and she was sent sprawling, panting. Finn kicked her shoulder, sending her to lie flat on her back staring at the animosity brewing on that boy's eyes.

"I trusted you, Lexa," he kneeled before her with his knee cap on her throat. Lexa gagged trying to get the knee off of her but it only made Finn pressuring his weight on her and grinning with fascination how Lexa begging to breath. "I looked up to you, Commander," shaking his head in disbelief," But what did you do?" he chuckled deviously, leaning heavily on the girl's throat, "Do you feel that,  _Boss?_ Do you feel the lack of air entering you? How you gasp and beg to finally breath? Now, you're choking and it's getting harder and harder to breath. As if  _you're life's slowly and torturously taking away from you._ That's what I'm feeling right now! And it's all because of you!"

Finn spat on Lexa's face, stood up and looked around the office. Out of nowhere, a loud gun shot fired through the roof. Everybody were buried to their knees, silently praying. He lowered his gun and sighed.

"Does anybody knows where your lady boss Lexa hid the love of my life?"

He smiled.

================== Clarke Griffin ================

She stopped at her tracks when she reached Lexa's building. People were crowding around the pavement and police officers were cordoning the area.

_There's no way I could get through that._

Clarke took a U-turn and ran for the back alley that connects to the back entrance of the building. She remembered Lexa telling her about the back entrance where all the janitors would take a rest and where sometimes the brunette would go out to take a breath of fresh air. When she reached the back building, there was no soul in sight and it made her wonder what were the police doing cordoning only the entrance when the back was fully exposed. But she quickly let go of the thought and twisted the door knob, she found out it's an emergency staircase heading up to the floors.

She quickly took the steps in two and pulled herself up using the railings. Her breathing was getting shallower when she reached the 7th floor, she grunted agitatedly and looked up at the long flight of stairs.

"4 more floors, Clarke. 4 more! Let's go!" Clarke gave herself a pep-talk. She almost lost her footing when a gun shot echoed at the fire escape.

Clarke gasped in terror, "Lexa!"

=============== Lexa Heda ================

She was curled up on the floor, groaning at the pain on her stomach. After Finn kicked her several times in anger, she was cussing and heaving heavily as she tried to stand up. Her hands were clawing the partition of the cubicles and her teeth were gritting in pain.

"Oh Mr Connor," her green eyes watched as Finn took the helpless man by his tie and throw him against the wall. The loud shrilling laughter erupted from the boy's lips brought shivers down her spine. "Remember how you  _threw_ away my proposal for that Nature Park? Oh man," shaking his head, tapping the man's cringing head with the gun nozzle. "I was fucking pissed off." Pointing the gun on the man's head and playfully pretended of shooting him.

Her insides were bubbling in anger seeing her people being tortured like this. Seeing them all getting hurt... and dying so innocently. She can't let this go on any longer.

"Leave him alone!" She shouted standing tall - ignoring the throbbing pain in her middle. Finn turned to her with a smirk.

"Well, if it isn't the commander to your rescue," he snarled, sauntering towards her with raised eyebrow.

"Don't you  _dare_ touch them!" her words were loud with dignity. Her weakness was seeing her subordinates getting hurt and she will do anything for them.

"Why? What are you gonna do? Hmm? Fire me?" He laughed again, "Then fire away!"

Lexa stood her ground suddenly feeling a strong surge of strength crawling underneath her skin. It's so revetting that she doesn't care anymore if she'll die just as long her people were untouched and safe.

"Or maybe  _I'll fire away!"_ Finn instantly  positioned his gun at Lexa's direction, squinting at the target with a wide smile.

"Goodbye, Lexa."

============== Clarke Griffin ================

_I thought I was strong enough. You were one of the best person that I've ever met. I was preparing myself to see you everywhere I go. Your shadow will forever haunt me. Sending me down to that memory lane of all the things we've shared and of all the things that I did to you. I never intended for it to end like this. I never intended for you to get hurt and I forever will pay for it. I want you to know that you're a good person but what you did was wrong. I hoped you thought of that before you left._

_However, I can't deny the fact that you gave me hope to be happy again when my heart was broken. You gave me another reason to smile and laugh when things became too hard for me to hold. I thought,  you were like a best friend to me but I never thought that you could do this._

_Both of us made a huge mistake and will regret it. Except that... I get to live my life with a constant reminder of what I did... and you don't._

_I'm sorry. Please forgive me for what I did because I'm not sure if I'll ever forgive myself._

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Clarke?"

A cold hand touched her forearm and found Octavia smiling at her sadly, "It's time."

The girl nodded and watched the procession. Her heart cringe by the sight of the coffin being carried out of the church.

"Are you ready?" Octavia asked, eyeing her carefully.

_No._

"Yes," and they both stood up and followed the long line of people slowly following the Hearse towards the cemetery.

"I'd never thought of doing this in my entire lifetime," Raven suddenly popped out of nowhere, scanning the growing crowd.

Clarke glared at her and it hit the girl, "I'm sorry, Clarke I didn't mean it that way."

"Doesn't matter," she sighed, hugging herself tighter as if it will give her enough strength to make it through the day.

"You're strong you know that?" the engineer rubbed the small of her back.

"I don't think I am," her voice turned cold and distant.

This is not what she had hoped for, what happened few days ago were constantly haunting her dreams every single night. She can't sleep, she can't eat. It was all she could think about.

"You saved hundreds of people, Clarke," Octavia stated.

But the words didn't even slightly gratified her, truth to be told, it only made it worse.

"Can we not talk about it," it wasn't a question but a statement that Raven and Octavia quickly understood.

They were already inside the cemetery and she could see four man in suits standing by a plot of land with a huge hole dug behind them. It made her stomach churned uneasily, she thought she's gonna throw up.

"I never knew the guy but he sure have a lot of family," Raven observed.

"He doesn't have a family. He lives on his own," turning back around  seeing even more people keep appearing out of nowhere.

The pastor was already preaching over the body, while the three girls stood three rows behind listening. This is a torture for her because it will only add up to her nightmares. It will only bring in a bigger monster that will creep out under her bed and mauled her to death.

"Breath, Clarke," she whispered taking in deeper breaths, "breath."

"May you rest in peace...," the pastor ended and numerous individuals started approaching the body throwing white roses.

She twirled the white rose with her fingers watching them with a blank face, silently deliberating if she should or should she not. When two tight squeezes on both of her shoulders took her out of her stupor, she saw Raven and Octavia taking their leave.

"We'll wait for you at the entrance," she wasn't sure who said it because next thing she knew she was all alone standing by the grass staring down at the coffin several feet below ground.

_"Clarke."_

Clarke didn't turn neither did she budged when she heard her name. But she kept staring at the coffin, twirling the white rose in counterclockwise motion. Taking a deep breath, she took a step forward and said, "You're fight is over," and threw the rose onto the grave.

Her head hung low when she turned back around, instead of facing the person whomever called for her. She continued to walk away and left the person staring.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

_This is gonna be the last time that I'll ever get hurt like this. This is the last time that I'll ever allow myself to drown in misery. I want to be happy but you're not letting me. Now that you're gone, it made a hole in my heart for what I did. You're last words were the last words I hear every time my eyes open from the nightmare. Your eyes looking at me was the last thing I see when I suddenly wakes up in the middle of the night choking for air. Your thoughts suffocates me that I hardly had enough time to be on my own - to think about myself._

_Are you punishing me, because I didn't choose you?_

_I was just finishing what you've started and now, I'm suffering._

_Aren't I forgiven?_

================== Raven Reyes ===================

"I'm worried about, Clarke," Raven pouted tapping her spoon on the soup bowl. "She hardly goes out. She won't talk to us. It's been 4 months keeping herself in isolation."

Octavia sighed and slid down the booth of the cafe with a grunt, "I tried to take her out but she won't budge. She literally kicked me out of the house."

"Even Abby can't do anything to help her," shaking her head in hopelessness.

She knew that what Clarke did was for the best and she understood why she did it. Everybody understood and took the blonde's side because it's the only way that made sense. Clarke saved the people inside that building but the blonde can't seem to see that and dwell on the death that she can't even prevent.

"We have to think of a way, O. She can't stay that way forever."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

_And the look that Octavia gave me I knew it's the only way out. Despite the constant banter inside my head not to do it but what else can we do? What other logical choices are there? Clarke's my best friend and I would do anything for her. I am more than willing to lose a leg for her! If that's what it takes._

_That's how much I love her._

_I know what we're gonna do will only bring an agitated and angry blonde but we have to take a risk. We have to take our chances with much hope that this decision will help Clarke sleep peacefully at night. To keep her monsters at bay. To help her live her days as normal as much as possible._

============== Clarke Griffin ===============

For the fifth time, she groaned rubbing her head that kept slipping off of her palm and hitting the bar. Clarke groaned and took a good look around her surroundings and realized that she's at the bar again. Her head was fuzzy and she wasn't sure when and how long she had been sitting on that stool for.

She raised her hand for the bartender and when those brown eyes landed on her she raised her glass and gestured for a refill.

"Don't you think you had enough?"

The bartender asked but still took her glass and poured another liquor. Clarke squinted at the liquid flowing into her glass and hiccuped.

"You're here every week. Drowning your misery. You'd come when there's less people and leave once the crowd picks up." handing over her glass.

"Keen observer aren't you," raising the glass for a toast and downed it in one go. She grimaced at the hot sensation sliding down her throat and quickly handed over her empty glass, "more."

The bartender took her glass and said, "I think you had enough,  _mam."_

The blonde raised her head in displeasure, "who are you to say that I had enough, huh?"

Clarke only then did she noticed that the bartender have a blonde hair just like her. It was intriguing because because it's in an intricate braid behind her back and it showed the glowing profile of the girl.

_Or a woman?_

She shakes her head and stood up, "forget it. I'm outta here."

Her legs were unsupportive that it sent her leaning against the stool. While her head was throbbing in pain and blurry vision were blocking her eyes, she sucked it up and tried to leave the place with her dignity still intact.

The cold night breeze hit her like a bucket of ice, making her hug her torso as tight as she can. But it was useless because she can't even balance her own two feet...

_Wait... four feet._

"Why do I have so many feet?" she chuckled, bending down as she tries to touch it and with an attempt to have a better look of her new grown feet, she stumbled forward onto the pavement.

She stayed there for a little while longer, staring at the the night sky that never looked so beautiful lying there on the ground. "Dad?" she started to sob, reaching her hand up to the sky towards that star glistening ever so brightly. "I miss you."

Out of nowhere, a face of a woman blocked her view, "well hello there again. How is it going down there?" the stranger smirked.

"Who are you?" then it hit her, its the lady bartender.

"Up you go," pulling up her body with a huff.

Clarke lamely fell against the wall and furrowed at the image of a woman with her hands on her hips. The blonde tilted her head, wondering why is the woman scowling at her.

"Your face looks funny," she giggled.

The woman rolled her eyes, hailed a cab and waited until it stops at the pavement. She then pulled opened the door and pushed Clarke inside.

"Hey blondie, what's your address?" she asked impatiently.

"My mommy's house!" the blonde giggled again.

The bartender grunted, "Ugh. You are so drunk. Hey!" tapping her arm but Clarke was already dozing off on the opposite side of the backseat. She leaned her head back and groaned, "Christ... Traders Street. Step on it," informing the driver as she pulls the cab door shut.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

A soft grumble attracted her attention and watched the girl suddenly sitting up right but only winced holding her head in pain.

"Here," she motioned, handing over a glass of water and tylenol.

"Where am I?" Clarke rasped, accepting the tablet and water.

"My house," the woman informed as she crossed her leg over the other, watching Clarke looking around.

"What am I doing in your house?" suddenly those blue eyes widened, "We didn't...." shaking her head, "We didn't... You know...."

The woman by the chair chuckled and shakes her head, "No we did not."

A sigh of relief escaped her lips, trying to get back to her own two feet but failed miserably again. The bartender immediately ran to her rescue and gently pushed her down the bed.

"Try not to move. You're still intoxicated... I'm Niylah by the way," looking at Clarke with those kind eyes.

The blonde nodded, "Clarke-..."

"Griffin. I know... You're the one who stopped the captor," those eyes were back again and this time with a glimmer.

The blonde opened her mouth not knowing what to say. She knew that what happened at Mountain Corp. was all over the news, the tabloids, the internet but she didn't have the heart to even look at it... Or even think about doing it. It was shoved way behind at the back of her head where she can't reach.

"My dad was held captive by that man," Niylah continued, "you stopped hostage," she smiled with a hint of appreciation.

The blonde stares at her not knowing what to say so instead she tried to stand up again but was only pushed down again.

"Ouw...," the girl grimaced at the pain that shot on her back. Clarke hastily removed her jacket and watched the woman behind her gasped, "what is it?"

"You have a gash on your back. How did that happened?" standing up, leaving the room for a short while and comes back with a first aid kit. Niylah started mending on the wound while Clarke sat quietly, closing her eyes - feeling the soft touch of the cloth.

"Tell about the Mountain Corp."

Clarke opened her eyes but only to look down on her hands. The cries and screams were still ringing in her ears, making her close her eyes again shuddering at the memory. She opened them again, "There's nothing to tell. I did what I have to do, that's all."

"That's all... You killed the sadistic enemy. You saved hundreds of people-..."

_She's not getting that talk again. Not now. Not ever!_

Clarke turned around and glared at her, "Niylah... Would you mind not talking?"

She nodded and put away the cloth dirtied by blood, "No..."

The blonde grabbed her hand and placed it on her shoulder, Niylah looks at her questioningly. Clarke's eyes watched the woman eyes dawning at her. Her desire for human touch suddenly spikes high, letting it control her.

She pulled Niylah by the neck and met those lips that eagerly kisses her.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

_***4 months ago*** _

_"Goodbye, Lexa."_

And a gun shot stilled her legs, Clarke frantically blinked her eyes a couple of times and right away ran towards the sound.

"Lexa?"

The woman was sprawled on the ground with blood spreading on the carpet.

_No..._

"NO!!!" Clarke ran towards the lifeless body and weeped, "Lexa! No!... You can't die!"

"Princess?"

She looked up and found Finn grinning at her dreamily. She heard a loud  _thud_ and found the gun flying off the boy's hand. Lexa was on her feet, puffing in pain. Finn quickly ran for the gun but Lexa took a hold of him and yanked him onto the ground, sending a strong punch in the gut. The boy growled with each blow until he caught one of Lexa's arm gripping it tightly and twisting it behind the girl's back. The brunette threw a tantrum, trying to elbow him hard on the ribs.

"Clarke! The gun!" Lexa yelled. 

Clarke desperately ran for the gun and pointed it at Finn, "Finn! Let Lexa go!" she shouted shakily - same goes for her hands that were now shakily pointing at the boy's direction. 

"Princess, this girl right here is the reason why we broke up! She has to pay, Princess!"

" _Finn,_ for the last time. Let. Lexa. Go!" she heard the click on the gun that her thumb was hovering at, she didn't know she knew that.

"NO!" Finn snarled and held Lexa tightly against him, "She's the reason why I'm in hell, Clarke! I love you! But she stole you from me!... Clarke," he whispers, "you belong to me... Don't you know that? You and I  _forever."_

Clarke shakes her head as tears starts streaming down her face, "Finn!  _Please, let's not do this._ " she begged, "Let Lexa go...  _Please."_

"You chose her over me?" he chuckles, "The man who loves you unconditionally. The man who's willing to sacrifice  _everything_ for you.... I will do anything for you, Princess. Can't you see that?"

"I love Lexa!... Finn.... I love  _her."_

"No... No, you don't! You love  _me."_

"No..." shaking her head dishearteningly.

Finn flared his nostril, "I won't let you," and whipped out a small knife from his pocket.

And within a blink of an eye, a loud gun shot deafened her ears, followed by the boy's falling body in a slow motion slumping against the wall. Clarke quickly dropped the gun as if it suddenly scalded her hands. In an instant, She ran towards the flailing body and kneeled before it seeing the red shot on his chest. She sobbed, not knowing what she just did. Not knowing what to do next...

Finn seemed to have idea though. He was smiling at her. That old charming smile that she grew to love.

"Princess," he rasps, suddenly feeling his hands giving her the knife. Clarke looked at him in horror, "Finn, No!"

"Do it, Princess... For me," he begged.

Clarke knew that he won't be living in this world any much longer. She knew that even if he got out alive after today, he won't be living the life that he always dreamt of. People will demand for blood. Blood must have blood. 18 lives was gone and people will be begging for Finn's. 

Finn grabbed her hands and tightened her hold of the knife and pointed it on his chest.

He smiled, "You know what's gonna happen... Please, let's end this."

"Finn..." shaking her head unrelentingly.

_"Don't move! Everybody stay down!... Proceed! Proceed!"_

Scrambling of feet behind her was in chaos but all her focus was on Finn. The boy held the pointed knife harder against his chest and begged.

 _"Please Clarke.._."

She leaned against his forehead and said, "I'm sorry, Finn."

She have to do it. She have to free the boy so he doesn't have to carry the burden on his shoulder. The blonde would rather have it rather than seeing others suffer.

Her shaking hands tightened the grip on the knife as she pierced through his chest - Until nothing was left of the boy. Until nothing was left for Clarke but to watch the boy who made her smile and laugh everyday die before her.

_"Thank you, Princess."_

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Aaahh!"

She jerked awake from the bed, heaving for air. Clarke was having a nightmare again and it seemed to grow worst that night. The girl shoved her hair back and realized that she's not in her room. The place was unfamiliar until she turned to her left and found a naked body underneath the blanket. She lifted her side and she too was without clothing.

She closed her eyes tightly and opened them again, as she slowly and quietly hopped off of bed and stole all her clothes and out of the door she went.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

 _You haunt my every dream. You haunt my thoughts and everywhere I look it would always remind me of what happened that night. I took everything in. I stood a distance away from_ them.  _So that they don't have to see me suffer from this hell that you gave me. Yes, I blame you. I blame you because you turned me into this. Did I allow you? Or was the burden already there when you shot all those 18 lives without hesitation?_

_I thought monsters were only living in my dreams._

_But what I didn't know was that monster is me._

======================= Raven Reyes =====================

She pounded hard over and over again until she thought the door was gonna give in. However, nobody seems to be home. She checked the window and saw no one inside. Raven turned back around scanned the streets and there's still no sign of the girl.

"Where is she?" forking out her phone and dialing the girl's number again.

_"The number that you've dialed cannot be reached. Please try-..."_

Shoving the phone back to her pocket, she walked down the porch never feeling more agitated than ever. A sigh left her lips as she made her way into the pavement with her hands stowed inside her pocket.

_"Raven?"_

The girl looked up and instantly, lit up upon seeing Lexa.

"Lex! I've been looking all over for you!" She ran for the girl and gave her a tight hug.

Lexa stumbled back with a grin, "What are you doing here, Raven?"

"I need your help," the brunette arched her eyebrow, "it's about Clarke."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------

"Raven, what you're asking me to do is impossible. You know that!"

The girl watched the brunette pacing around the living room with a panic stricken face. She knew it was too much to ask and she knew too what will be the outcome but Raven was still hoping for the best that something might change.

"You're our only hope, Lexa. Please, do this for Clarke."

"4 months, Raven. We didn't talked for 4 freaking months. How do you expect me to suddenly show up at her doorstep as if nothing happened."

Raven rubbed her face in turmoil, "Lexa, we've got to try! She's my best friend and I can't let her slip away from us just like that. Trust me, Octavia and I did did the best we can. None of it worked. I was hoping you could help out too."

Lexa stopped at her track and face Raven with anguish, "what if it didn't work too? What's your next step?"

She shrugged, "then we leave her alone for good. You're our last resort, Lexa."

The brunette collapsed on the couch and closed her eyes for a brief seconds.

The engineer watched her apologetically, "Where were she this time?" Raven squinted at Lexa's tired figure, not knowing what to expect from the girl's answer.

"At some bartender's house," Lexa opened her eyes and the dark circles underneath her eyes were clearly visible, "she didn't came out until this morning."

Raven whistled and shakes her head, "you stayed over the entire night?"

The girl nodded.

"Then don't you think it's time to talk, Lexa? We've been pushing this way too long. We need Clarke back."

Lexa turned to Raven with a sheer determination painted on her face.

"You can trust me on this, Raven. I'll do everything I can."

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

_This is the lowest of the lowest. The last resort was seeking help from Lexa. We did everything we can but Clarke still won't budge. She kicked us out and not allowing us to help her with her sorrows. Talking to Lexa... I hope will definitely help us._

_Clarke has a special place on Lexa's heart._

_And what we were hoping now, was for Lexa to_ _have a special place on Clarke's heart._

_Hopefully still._

================== Lexa Heda ===================

_I kept telling myself, "Clarke needs time. Give her time, Lexa." And so I did... For a week or two. After that, I tried to contact her or try to catch her at the platform but none of it works. Like she's evading me, needless did I know that she had been avoiding Raven and Octavia too. I wanted to see her so badly... and so my stalking routine began. Don't get me wrong I'm not like those creeps who stalks their ex girlfriends (p.s. We didn't reached to that point in our relationship yet...) but more of a guardian angel._

_Like the other day when someone carelessly knocked over his coffee on Clarke's blouse I ran to the nearest shop and gotten her a fresh new blouse. Thankfully, the guy was still there and I talked over to him to hand it over to her and he did. And guess what happened? They exchanged numbers and went out the next day. I didn't know I signed up as a match maker too. *sigh*_

_But what really got my blood boiling was what happened the other night. Clarke's drowning her sorrows again. As I watched her bobbing her head on the sideline of the bar, I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. The girl that I love saved hundreds of people including me. The girl that I love is living a nightmare because of what I partially did/felt or however you put it. I couldn't help but to blame myself if anything bad ever happens to her. And so as she stumbled out of the bar, but failing miserably, I wanted to rush to her and help but I knew she'll get mad and push me away._

_So I called for the bartender whom she was talking to a little while ago and asked, "don't you think you should check on her?" beckoning at the blonde girl exiting the premises._

_The woman raised her eyebrow, looking at me like there's something so interesting on my face._

_"Why don't you do it, brunette?" nodding at the exit._

_I shook my head, "I can't."_

_"Look. You've been here the same time as that girl did. You sit at the same spot and watches her all night until she leaves. Tell me... Who are you?"_

_I clearly have no intention to make my identity known because if this gets leaked out, it will strain my none-existing relationship with Clarke._

_I raised my chin, dawning at her with superiority, "It's none of your business. What about you? You work here and pay more attention on her than the others. Don't tell me you don't care even a tiny bit about the blonde girl? What if she gets mugged? What if she hurt herself?"_

_I swear that woman sneered at me under her breath and next thing I knew she threw her towel on the counter and bid her goodbyes to the manager._   _I watched her walked out and walked over at the spot where Clarke was lying down. I have no idea why she's lying on the ground on the first place but I heard something like 'your face looks funny' and she giggled like a child. It aches my heart seeing my girl leaving with another woman but as least I know she's in safe hands._

 _I followed their trail though. Making sure that Clarke reached home safely and the woman keep to her actions_ but  _that's not what happened. The woman carried her to some unfamiliar house and I realized this is the bartenders home. My body turned cold as I watched both of them entered the threshold. An hour had passed and I was still standing by the sidewalk staring at the house like I'm plotting the murder of that damn bartender. I was angsty at what could possibly be happening inside the house. Are they having se.... No! ARGH!_

_I hated that night_ _I was growing restless and tired leaning against the parked car on the side of the road, when I saw the front door swung open. My stomach dropped when I didn't see Clarke but the woman from the bar. I furrowed my eyebrows at the direction she was heading, so I followed her to what it seems to be a 24 hour convenient store and she came out with a small paper bag in hand._

_Oh god... I never thought in a thousand years that I'll ever turn into a stalker. Because this was just it! This is what those creepy tv dramas or movies been showing us. I'm still shaken of what I've became till now._

_So I was walking back to her house and I realized that I lost sight of her. I looked around she was nowhere in sight and I turned my back and there she was, staring at me. My throat when dry._

_"Why are you following me?" she demanded._

_I opened my mouth but nothing came out. Instead, she walked up to me and tilted her head._

_"I'm gonna ask you again. Who are you?"_

_I shook my head pursing my lips, "I can't tell you that."_

_"Why? Are you some psycho ex girlfriend?" she laughed ridiculously and it made me mad. Oh hella mad. We didn't even reached that stage for me to turn to that psycho ex girlfriend who stalks the love of her life in the middle of the night! Yes, I'm more concern about the stage in our relationship rather than the unstable mentality (aka psycho) that the woman was talking about. Because it was just right there, like there in front us, laughing at us because it was the day that we finally confessed our love for each other... AND THEN the Finn drama came._

_So screw you Universe!_

_"No." I said as a matter of fact._

_"Then why are you following her?" She was confused._

_"I can't tell you... But please do whatever it takes for her to be safe." I begged. I must have begged hard because her perturbed expression turned serious._

_"Is she in danger?" she sounded frantic._

_"No, not like that... She's-... She's just going through a lot right now and she's not being herself. I'm just worried for her."_

_"Okay," she nodded, she seemed to understand, "I'll do the best I can. I'll take her home if I have to."_

_"Thank you."_

_And I watched her leave and enter her home. I was thinking of leaving right at that moment but something tells me to stay and I did. At the crack of dawn, I was suddenly woken up by the shutting of a door. I quickly stood up from the gutter and saw the blonde figure quickly walking out. My heart sank when I saw her fixing her messy hair and clothes. You know that gut feeling that something might have happened the night before. *Sigh*_

_I was broken hearted for the Nth time for the past 4 months._

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

Clammy hands wiping at the back of her jeans as she ran up the stairs and into the platform. She didn't entered her usual entrance but the other platform instead. She knew that around this time a certain blonde will be coming up the stairs in...

_3..._

_2..._

_1..._

Clarke emerged out of the stairs and panted as she took her usual spot by the platform. The blonde hadn't spotted her yet but those blue eyes were scanning the opposite platform up and down for a few seconds until Lexa saw that disappointed look on her face. It made her smile.

The train finally came into a halting stop and commuters quickly walks out and in they went. Lexa grunted feeling all the people pushing her around. Once the door slid shut, her head surveyed the crowd and found whom she was looking for. Excusing herself through the crowd was such a hassle but she have an aim.

And that is to stand behind Clarke and keep her safe but that's not what happened. The blonde girl suddenly vanished from the sea of heads and when Lexa turned around there she was, sitting on the seat with her eyes closed. The brunette finally managed to stand close enough to her not to attract her attention. She sighed seeing the girl bobbing her head again and when the opportunity presented itself to her by a commuter leaving the seat beside Clarke vacant, she jumped to it.

She settled down quietly and feel the warmth that Clarke Griffin was. She misses that. Her scent. Her warmth. Overall, her presence. It made her feel home.

Clarke was fast asleep and all that Lexa could see was her beautiful side profile, so calm and peaceful. Away from terror and worried that had planted itself permanently on the girl's face. The blonde head bobbed once more and slowly bobbing down on the right side. Lexa quickly scooped the head and gently pull it to the left and onto her shoulders. She thought Clarke had woken up because she suddenly jerked but thankfully, it was just her reflexes and dove back to sleep.

She held her there with a faint smile on her lips. She made it sound creepy and weird, following someone around and doing such things but this are the only small things that she can do for now for Clarke. Not until the blonde is ready to finally open herself up and let Lexa in again.

_"Capitol Station"_

The announcer announced on that small speaker and in an instant, the girl beside her stood up and ran for the open door and she sat there watching the girl leave without looking back.

================== Clarke Griffin ===============

She winced at the strain on her neck from sleeping. A sigh escaped on her lips when she realized she had been sleeping on a strangers shoulder the entire journey. She was very embarrassed that she didn't even turn around and say, 'I'm sorry and thank you.' She just stormed out of the train without turning back.

_It's not like I'm gonna see her again anyways... Her. Yes, that stranger is definitely, a Her. Her scent tells me so. So earthy and fresh. Sweet and... Lexa._

The name brought a puff to her lips. It was something that she wanted to forget because of all the things that had happened. She knew that she had been keeping all to herself for the past 4 months and Lexa was a part of that 'moving on' train. She can't live a life of seeing things or people that will remind her of what she did that brought _them_ standing tall and still breathing.

_That night..._

Clarke sighed again and banged her locker door shut. She had been spending all her time in the emergency room for months and that is how she likes it. Away from people. Away from whispers about her being a hero. Because they don't know the half of it. They don't know the real reason why it started in the first place.

_It was all my fault. I'm no hero._

If she didn't broke it off with Finn then he wouldn't have turned into a maniac going on a killing spree at Mountain Corp. Then she wouldn't be at this state. Her nightmares wouldn't be as bad as it gets every single time she closes her eyes.

_Nightmares..._

She instantly stopped walking when it dawned on her that she didn't had nightmares back in the train.

"That's weird...," shaking her head in confusion.

For the first time did she not had nightmares but in the end she just gave a shrug - putting it as maybe just a time thing. She pushed open her office door where she founds her mother waiting for her.

"Mom?"

Abby stood up and smiled kindly, "I've been waiting for you to come in."

"Is something to matter?" gesturing for her mom to sit down.

"How are you?" she asked weakly, "It's been months since you visited home and you suddenly moving out really made me worry about you."

"Mom, I'm fine. You get to see me everyday at work, there's nothing to be worried about. I'm all grown up now." The blonde smiled widely, rolling her eyes.

"Of course, Of course," standing up and smoothing Clarke's scrubs, "I just wanna check in." turning towards the door, "oh yeah, before I forget. There's a launch party for the new commercial that hospital was launching next week. It'll be tomorrow night, I've already cleared out all of your schedule. Both of us have to be there."

Clarke let go of the breath she was holding and nodded, "Okay. I'll be there. Thank you, Mom."

Abby nodded once.

"And mom?"

"Yes, Clarke."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too, honey."

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

_Launch party. *sigh* Oh god... I hate anything corporate celebrations. You have to act all interested at all they were talking about. Don't get me wrong. I don't have trouble mixing with people but when it comes to high profile personalities... It's a no go for me. Like those snobbish rich people laughing their heads off because they think it's funny to laugh at poor people. They do charity work and yet, they there are being all high almighty, parading their achievements with too much boast competing with each other. I miss those simple get together with family and friends. Intimate and meaningful._

_But who am I to complain when I was the one pushing them away. To be honest, I never felt ready. I never felt ready to face the people who were there that night. It's like they hold so much memories that they will just add up to the nightmares. More than anything, I want to be free. I want to set myself free from this prison cell that_ you  _gave me._

_When I pierced that knife through your chest, it feels like it was me who was dying inside. While you lie there helplessly, it was me who was dying inside and yet, here I am still breathing - living in the nightmare that I gave myself too. This world is like hell, punishing me for being weak and letting you get away with it. Finn, I don't like this. I don't like this at all! How could you let me be in this world where everything haunts me every waking minute!_

_I know my family and my friends were worried about me. I know that they tried to reach out but I didn't let them. I will_ not  _let them because I don't want them to see me like this. I don't want them to see me weak and suffering from my nightmares. I don't want them to suffer because of me._

_I'd rather carry the burden so that they don't have to._

================== Lexa Heda ===================

Her hands scrambles for her purse, feeling the vibration of her phone. 

"Yo, brunette girl. How's the plan going?"

"Raven, I'm still waiting for the right time."

"Well  _when_ is your right time?"

She sighed, "I have a plan. Just trust me in this."

" _Fine_ , brunette girl."

"And for the record, don't call me brunette girl," crinkling her nose, remembering what the bartender calls her before. Having a feeling that the woman didn't only took care of Clarke by buying Tylenol but she also took care of the girl's  _other_ business.

"Must be dry in wetlands huh,"  Raven snickered on the other line, "Bye, Lexa." 

Lexa rolled her eyes and shoved the phone back in her purse. Tonight, she's resigned to do her motive. She have her mind set on that night and that is to talk to Clarke. If only her best friend would stop intercepting every opportunity. 

"No, Lexa!" Anya grabbed her wrist, when the brunette spotted a familiar blonde by the cocktail table. 

"Anya, I have to do this," giving menacing glares at the girl. 

"Lexa can't you see? She'll only push you away. I know what kind of person Clarke is. You can't force yourself into her when she's not ready. Let the woman grieve, Heda." 

She softens her stance and watched Clarke talking to a group of fine gentlemen in suits. 

_Anya must be right. I can't force her._

"I have to let her come to me," she mumbled, raising her chin high. 

"Outta girl," feeling the heavy arm on her shoulders, she glanced at Anya and nodded, "but for the mean time. Let's get the program started. I'll talk to the organizer and the AV regarding the video. While you," shoving in her hand a glass of red wine, "enjoy the cocktail. Don't do what I wouldn't do," Anya whispered in her ears. 

"Hey, A." 

"Yes, baby girl?" turning back around. 

"I'm glad your here," she smiled faintly. 

"All thanks to that girl," nodding at the blonde's direction. 

"I know," Lexa took two steps forward and brushed her fingers on Anya's right shoulder. Feeling the protruding skin bump over the thin material of the girl's dress. Anya reached for Lexa's hand and gave a gentle squeeze. "Don't worry about me. I survived." 

"Anya, you dodged a bullet. You could have get killed," stating the obvious.  

"And so did you!" lightly touching the girl's abdomen where she could feel the huge scar, "It's a great reminder that we should always seize the day. You'll never know when will be your last," Anya patted her on the shoulder, "let her come to you. It's better that way." 

A sigh left those chapped lips and took a glance at the small figure making its way near the stage. Her hands folded and unfolded the file that she had been holding for the past 5 minutes, thinking of ways to make the girl come after her. She have to think of a way. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_After that gruesome night, I thought everyone was safe. I thought I could finally breathe. When the authority took Finn's body and everybody scrambled out to safety. I found her. I found her grieving for air with tears in her eyes. She was staring at me and I was there about to break down because I thought she was dying. I thought that my best friend will die. I limped across the room and kneeled before her. Anya's blouse was all covered in blood. I didn't know where was the source coming from but I knew right at that moment I was thinking about her chest. That Finn guy shot my best friend on the chest!_

_*Sigh* I wanted revenge. I wanted his blood!... But that's too late now. Finn's gone. Anya survived. Anya survived... Oh thank God. I don't know what would I do if she didn't._

================== Clarke Griffin ===================

"Ah! And here's the lovely hero!" 

Clarke smiled tightly and gave a slight shake, "I'm no hero." 

"Oh you don't have to be modest about it. You saved... How many was again, honey?" looking at his wife.

"Hundreds! Oh dear... What a hero!" Mrs. Karlstein clapped her hands in glee, while her husband shaking his head in great utter awe. Pretty soon a group of people joined the conversation and started kicking in questions about that night.Clarke tried to be nice and be accommodating as much as she can but she's growing restless with all the interrogations and very claustrophobic. 

"Please excuse me. I'll just need to freshen up!  _Please,_ continue without me," she grinned, grabbed her purse from the cocktail table and made a run for it. 

She wasn't quite familiar with the hotel grounds and next thing she knew, she was opening a glass door that leads on an overlooking view of the town. The small open space was breath-taking, she was lucky that nobody was smoking around or it'll ruined the moment. She looked around the vicinity and glances at the ashtray stands - it was cleaned off. 

 _Nobody seemed to be here for awhile,_ she thought. 

Clarke walked up to the railing and watched the city lights looking spectacular that she was so eager to take a picture of it and that's when she noticed it. A sticky note on her purse. 

_When you feel trapped, look up, take a deep breath and smile._

A small smile suddenly painted on her lips and she can't believed it but she did exactly what the stranger said. She leaned forward against the railing and took one deep breath. Unexpectedly, a husky giggle escaped her lips, stunning her all of a sudden.  

"What was that?" her eyes widened. 

Shaking her head, she took the small piece of paper and stares at it. A bright idea suddenly popped in her head like a light bulb. Clarke quickly took her phone and snapped a selfie pretending to exaggeratedly breath in with the sticky note stuck on her forehead. Another giggle escaped her lips and it made her frown because it doesn't quite sounds like her. She was astounded. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_For the past four months, I realized that I hardly laughed or giggle, for that matter. And I couldn't believe that with this small piece of paper could simply do that! I am shaking my head at this sticky note but thank you, stranger... Whomever you are. This is the best night that I had so far. It made me feel loosen up and unwind from all the things that had happened._

_Kudos to you my friend! You've just made Clarke Griffin aka Finn slayer laughed._

_Yeah, I should have stayed away from the internet. Being called Finn slayer was not my cup of tea._

_But nonetheless,_ You  _made my day._

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Clarke finally stepped back into the grand ball room and observed from the back. Her hands were clasped behind her back, taking in more ddep breaths before forging into war with all the critiques and bottom lickers. 

_I'm on fire tonight!_

The girl shook her head at the sudden bubbling sensation building in her tummy. It made her feel alive and  _here._ So present and grounded after such a long time. She never felt so gratifying after for so long. She glanced at her phone wallpaper at the selfie that she took and smiled again. 

"Thank you, stranger." 

_"Ladies and gentleman! Welcome to the launch party of our new info commercial. Tonight, my beloved colleagues we will witness the...."_

The way that the woman says her words was beyond expectation. It was captivating and intriguing and to be honest, ever since she came she never felt so attentive at what was actually happening on stage. The huge projector screen was rolling down and the lights started to dim and as her high heels could muster the darkened floor, Clarke tried to move with grace and posture. Lights were finally beaming through the darkness, showcasing a video. 

A video depicting something so oddly familiar. Something that made her stomach churned unexpectedly. As her eyes were fully enticed by the short commercial, her hands were getting clammy because it was all too surreal. It was too vaguely familiar. 

_\------------------------------------------------------------------------_

_The train. The train station. The platform. The two girls. The blonde and the brunette. Those secret glances and shy smiles. Those frantic eyes looking at the opposite platform like she was so desperate to see something... Or someone._

_This-... It can't be!_

_This is how_  We _met._

_And I knew it because this meant the world to me. The world that I tried to dissolve but kept coming back stronger. And as I try to make a run for it, I found you, eye candy looking at me with those eyes. Eye candy, I didn't know you could look at me like that. Like-... Like you felt so sorry for me. A look of remorse and regret. A look of nothing but heartaches. Did I do that, eye candy?_

_Did I?_

_And as I turned around and you were there standing a great distance away from me. I never felt the stronger impulse to run away again._

_And that's what I did._


	6. "Train service ends here. Thank you for traveling with Polis MRT. Good night."

============== Clarke Griffin ===============

All she could hear was her heels echoing behind her and if someone were did following her she drowned it down. She doesn't wanna hear anything nor think. Clarke Griffin just wanted to disappear and melt to the floor where she's restlessly sitting down, panting and crying. She knew it was pathetic to simply cry over someone who isn't even yours. Or the fact that everyone was witnessing your love story back at the grand ball room. In the first place, you don't know why you took off and you guessed, it was because you felt afraid of facing Lexa. 

The girl who cared for you and tried to hard to reach for you when you bluntly ignored her as if she doesn't exist. She did nothing wrong and you know that the truth as much. It was you who was at wrong for being weak and for not facing your fears of being blamed for what happened. So what you did was to act upon your instincts and run away, enclosed yourself and shut everyone down. It was good 4 months going but truth to be told, you never felt so lonely in your entire life. 

_"Clarke?"_

The soft voice and yet firm, brought jitters down her spine. She felt like crying. She thought her tears were rolling down her cheeks but when she tried to wipe away the tears there was none. 

_"Clarke?"_

The voice was getting nearer and she let herself be found by the owner of that voice. Maybe it's time to be found because she've spent enough time getting lost. 

"Hey," the girl dropped down to her knees and was a foot away from her, as if she's so scared to touch Clarke - that she might just vanished to thin air. 

Clarke looked up and met those concerned green eyes, "are you okay?" 

She didn't answered but looked down and nodded. 

"Do you need help?" Lexa offered her hand which she hesitantly took to push herself up. "Are you okay?" 

"I'm fine, Lexa," her voice was husky and low, Lexa sensed that Clarke might want to be alone. 

"Do you wanna be alone? I could lea-..." 

"No!" 

Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath and once she opens them, and saw the kindest green eyes she had ever since. She doesn't know why did she allowed herself to miss the beauty of it. 

"Can you- Can you stay for awhile?" she ducks down shifting her weight awkwardly. 

Lexa smiled and nodded, she gestured at the sofa that was by the hallway that leads back to the ballroom and waited for Clarke to sit down first. They sat quietly, feeling the comfortable silence between them until the blonde decided to speak up. 

"Did you made that video?"

Lexa's brow quirked up and a small smile spread on her lips, "I thought of the idea. We're suppose to portray a sense of belonging, home, care and love." The blonde looks up and felt her heart raced when the girl was watching her, "that place where I met you and how we met made me felt exactly as that. I'm sorry if I let the people see how we met but it made me feel proud that the video brought justice to how I met Clarke Griffin. But of course... Nothing beats what exactly happens in between the lines." 

Clarke couldn't help but smile back at those words. It made her feel special and unique. As if she's the only that Lexa have eyes for. "I'm sorry I ignored you, Lexa. I thought it's easier to deal with it on my own," she sighed. 

Lexa took her hand and planted it in between hers, "Hey, you needed time and I'm more than willing to give it to you. I don't want you to feel pressured just because I'm here sitting with you. If after tonight, you still needed space I completely understand. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. Your friends and most especially, your mom." 

The girl smiled weakly, knowing that she had to put a stop on her facade. She had cause too much trouble as it is and just wanted to be out of her misery. "I can't let Finn win over me. I can't let him take over my entire life and let me be miserable. I'm done with this." she looks up and saw the determination on Lexa's eyes. 

"I'm here to support you 100 percent." 

"Thank you, Lexa." 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

_I'm done. I'm done with this sad, petty little Clarke. I'm done feeling sorry for myself. I have to stand up and be strong. Nobody wanted for that incident to happen and most certainly not wanted that life changing decision to take over my life. I've spent enough time cooped up by myself in this cold and harsh shell that I pushed myself into._

_I'm ready to face this world again._

_I'm ready to fight again._

_And this time I'm not alone._

=====================Lexa Heda=====================

Anya came knocking on the desk behind her and she turned around to face her. 

"Well," she dawned on her, "someone's a little miss sunshine this fine morning." 

Lexa rolled her eyes and bit her lips, as she spin around to face her computer again. 

"What do you want?" 

"What's that huge smile on your lips meant huh?" the girl asked playfully, tickling the brunette on her sides. 

She scowled at her and laughed, "stop it, Anya. It doesn't mean anything! Can't a girl smile?" 

Anya squinted her eyes at her and bursts into a wide grin, "I feel like this is such a huge case of deja vu." 

She knew it was. She was having this stupid grin too when she first met Clarke in the beginning. Pondering about it, they met such a short period of time but it feels like an eternity. "Don't you have a meeting to get into?"

"Aahh... Getting rid of me so suddenly? Why?" Anya peeked over at her blushing cheeks, "so you can go back to texting your Gold."

Lexa gasped at that name, "how did you know that?"

"I have my own resources, Heda," she winked before waving away, "don't fall too hard now." 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I have to laugh because it's ridiculous! Gosh, I'm so lucky that there's hardly any mirrors in front of me now or else I'll laugh even louder at my stupid grin. I couldn't erase it no matter how hard I tried. You, Gold did this to me. It was just last night did we finally made up and I've never been relieved in my entire life. I miss the look on your eyes. I miss your smell. I miss the warmth of your hand between mine._

_Us, just sitting there quietly was enough for me to think that I will do whatever it takes to make you smile, laugh and feel loved. I don't want you to close off anymore, Gold. I don't think I could handle it seeing you in pain and suffering for what he did._

_You deserve better than this._

_You don't belong there in that shell where you curled up and cry every night. You deserve to be out here where you get to see this beautiful things that you should be happy and enjoying about. You belong here, Gold. No where near dark and quiet places, when you said you do. I will fight with you. I will fight this battle with you._

_I will forged through war and win this fight until I can finally say... Until you can finally say..._

_"I'm free."_

_One of this days, you will no longer think about the lives lost. One of this days, you will have quiet peace of mind free from worrying about the people who lost their lives. Because you deserve to live and not die along with the thoughts of memories and nightmares that haunts you every night. If I have to watch over you every night to keep away the nightmares, I will do it._

_Because to me, Gold._

_You're safe._

======================= Clarke Griffin =====================

Clarke wiped her clammy hands against her pants before raising her fist and knock on the door. She waited for a good seconds before she heard a familiar voice, "in a second!" 

The door finally pulled open and a figure of a woman stood there breaking into a wide smile and was enveloping her tightly in her arms. "Clarke! I've missed you." 

"I've missed you too, mom," she grins, pulling away from her. 

"Come in! Come in!" Abby pulled her daughter's hand through the living room and then to the kitchen where a laptop sat idly on the long island with a steaming hot tea. 

"Are you busy? I could come back later." 

"Oh pish posh! I was just browsing facebook!" she laughs, pulling open the fridge to think about what to cook for dinner. 

"Facebook?" she was taken by surprise, "since when did you joined Facebook?" 

"A week ago," her mother grins, taking out a few ingredients to make pasta.

Clarke hummed, still cannot believe that her own mother has a Facebook account. She hardly goes on hers now because of all the posts and private messages that she was getting -  so she deactivated her account. She propped her arm over the counter, placed her chin over it and watched her mother do magic. She used to love watching her like this, especially during on her mom's off day. So much memories that she's been so lucky to have, how she wished her dad was here too. 

Abby glanced back and saw the somber look, "why the long face?" 

She sighed, "I wish dad's here. I really miss him." 

Her mom frowned, walked up to her and hugged her again, "me too, honey. Me too..." rubbing her back soothingly. When she finally let go the mischievous look was suddenly making its way on her face. Clarke knew all too well what that means, so she rolled her eyes - earning her a laughter from her mom. 

"So... Tell me about this lovely girl you were with last night?" suddenly having all her undivided attention. 

Clarke shifted on her seat uncomfortably and easily smiles at the memory of Lexa. "Her name was Lexa. I met her at the train station." 

Abby raised her eyebrow up, internalizing the situation, "Okay... Go on." 

So she continued, "I always see her across the platform before the 8:15am train comes." 

"Wait," raising her hand up, "is this the reason why your bike suddenly acting weird for days?" 

She sheepishly nodded, Abby puffed and waved her to continue, "you know how crazy it was with morning peak hours. People are just plain crazy and obnoxious. But then, Lexa... She just stood there with no expression at all. I mean mostly. Sometimes she's annoyed, irritated but mostly, stoic. Like she owns the god damn place, mom." 

Her mom laughed, "I started watching her until I noticed that she might have noticed me watching her. So I laid low until I met a guy," she swallowed hard, can't even to bring herself to say the name without flinching, "you know,  _the guy,"_ she exaggerated and Abby completely understood almost immediately. "So apparently, his boss was Lexa and that's how we met. Him dragging me to meet her and the rest was history."

"So partially the reason how you met her was through _him."_

"Yes."

"Hmm. Well," tucking a loose strand of hair behind her daughter's ears, she smiled warmly, "I think it's fate that you met Lexa. I think she's a pretty special girl. I think you're meant to meet each other one way or another... And Clarke," grabbing her hands, "I'm glad that you visited me. I'm glad that my daughter is back."

Clarke smiled as her mom pecks her on the forehead, and walked back to the stove. "So I was thinking... Maybe Lexa could come over and both of you could meet personally?"

"Of course! I'll cook us dinner," Abby initiated.

"It's okay, mom. I'll cook. I wanted to make it special for the three of us."

Abby shakes her head as turns back around and stares at her daughter.

"What?" she shrugs, suddenly feeling shy. 

"I've never seen you this happy since I bought that pink bike of yours."

"Moomm...," Clarke whines in embarrassment, "that was 18 years ago. You don't have to keep mentioning it."

Her mom burst into laughter and put the pasta inside the boiling pot.  

"But thank you, mom. For everything." 

"Anything for you, honey,"

\------------------------------------------------------------------------

_I took upon myself to apologize for the people whom I've chased away when I was still at my darkest moments._

_Lexa - Done_

_Mother - Done_

_Raven - Pending_

_Octavia - Pending_

_Raven... I wonder how will that go down._

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

She walked up to the tall building called The Ark and asked the receptionist for Raven Reyes. The lady hastily pointed at the sofa in front of the counter and she said, in a very nasal voice, "she'll be down in a moment. Please take a seat." 

Clarke nodded and narrowed her eyes at the woman's snappy actions. She took the black leather sofa and waited for 5 minutes before she hears that boisterous voice. 

"Well there's my boggle head!" When she stood up and turned around, Raven was grinning widely, "she's alive!" 

She rolled her eyes by the comment and hold her snarky rebut, "yeah yeah. I'm here now. Let's go for lunch." 

"Still angsty I see. You better not be like that when Lexa-...." Clarke covered her mouth tightly and Raven looks at her bewilderedly.  

"Don't you dare finish that sentence!" She threatens before pulling her hand away. 

"When Lexa worship your body like a maniac overdosed with love sick potion," Raven finished off. 

Clarke flung her arms in the air in defeat, "why do I even try?" 

"Hey! That's the cleanest comment I've ever made and it's just for you!" pointing at the tip of the blonde's nose. 

"Awww, I completely forgot how sickening sweet you are," giving her a sarcastic look. 

"It's all your fault when you blocked me and Octavia out for four freaking months. You deserves as much banters to fill up the gaps in between." 

"I don't know why am I still friends with the both of you," scratching her head in annoyance. 

"Talk about banters, where's that little girl? Where's Blake?" 

"She'll be waiting for us at the diner. Come on. Let's hurry." 

////

"Wow, You really showed up! I thought I got stood up!" Octavia greeted her and Raven a hug before settling down on the booth. 

"Bell?" She was quite surprised. 

"Hey princess, I wouldn't miss this lunch for the world! You owe us 4 months of you being AWOL," he rebuked, giving her and Raven a bear hug. 

Once all of them were busy half way done with lunch and casually having conversation. The topic kind of turn into the topic that she was hoping to evade being asked. But knowing her friends she'll never get away unscathed. 

"So... You and Lexa huh?" Bellamy teased waggling his eyebrow playfully. 

Clarke gave a menacing glare at Raven, who grins way too widely. "Yes. We have nothing official but I want to give it a try with her. I'm inviting for dinner at home with my mom this friday night." 

"Woah!" Octavia raised her hands in surprise, "meeting the parent already? Aren't you going a little too fast?" 

"Yeah, you haven't gone on a first date before and now you wanted Lexa to meet Abby?" Raven added. 

Her mouth was open, wanting to say something but pondered on it for a minute, "it's too fast isn't? We said we'd take it slow and see where it goes. I thought this was a good idea." 

"Clarke, if Lexa agrees then why not?" Bellamy shrugs, "plus, she's a huge catch." 

Clarke chuckles feeling flustered all of a sudden but then her eyes narrows down to Raven who was busy finishing her fries, "since when did you started calling my mom by her first name?" 

The engineer was stunned by the question and looks over at Blake siblings who were smirking at her. Clarke saw the gesture and asked, "is there something I should know about?" 

When three of her friends were silent and looking at each other, she asked loudly, "what? Are none of you gonna answer my question?" 

"Clarke-..." Raven spoke but was cut in by Clarke, "this better be good, Raven," folding her arms, dawning at her intensely. 

"Funny story really...," the girl chuckled uneasily. 

/////

"So here's a thing. My own mother might have disowned me for the past 4 months and adopted a new daughter," Clarke ranted, balancing her phone between her shoulder and cheek. While her hands pulling off her running shoes and stowing it inside her locker. 

Lexa laughed on the other line, "Let me guess, Raven?" 

"Bingo!" 

"Yeah, I might have guessed as much. She kept mentioning Mrs. Griffin. I just can't bring myself to ask her about it. Does that make you feel uncomfortable?"

"Not really. Actually, it's kinda sweet. Knowing that I avoided making contacts to many people I'm glad that Raven kept my mom company," she sighed once more as she loosens the string of her scrub pants. 

"It is nice of her. She's been trying to fix things when you weren't around. She's really trying to make an effort to see you back, Clarke." 

"I know. I'm very blessed to have a friend like Raven," she smiled and then grunted when she tried to pull down her pants. 

"What are you doing anyways? Is this a bad timing?" 

"No. I'm just pulling my pants off," she said, as she pulls her black jeans from inside the locker. 

"Oohh... I wonder when I can witness that." 

Clarke burst into a hysterical laughter and took the phone with her hand after buttoning close her jeans. "Maybe if you get lucky enough, you get to see the goodness inside  _this."_

And it was Lexa's turn to laugh but in a quiet and low volume, as if she's controlling her laughter so hard. "Don't make me laugh, Clarke. I'm inside the handicap toilet. I'm trying to escape from Anya." 

"What did you do, Lexa?" she narrowed her eyes at her girlfrie-....

_Did I almost said girlfriend?_

Clarke shook her head, tried to quickly yanks off her green blouse and brought the phone back to her ears and caught Lexa talking in the middle of her sentence. 

".... She was berserk! Now she's hunting me down to finish what - as she claims to be -I've started. It wasn't even my fault that that guy was so interested in her."

"The guy must be enamored by her high cheekbones," she grins, pulling her shirt through head, then her left arm and right arm. 

"Must be! But I heard it's more about how sweet she was. Being sentimental and what not." 

"Sweet and sentimental? That doesn't sounds like, Anya based on how you described her anyways," she haven't met the girl yet but based on Lexa's stories, she's quite afraid in meeting her. 

Lexa chuckled softly once more, "I know! She's none of those things. It's pretty disturbing really. I can't imagine her being like that." 

Clarke shut her locker closed and giggled, sitting down for a while on the bench, "Hey, about this friday night... Are you sure? I mean it's okay if you don't wanna go. I know it may sound a little too rush and I know we're taking things slow. I don't wanna scare you by meeting my mom on our first dinner together." 

"Hey, it's okay. Plus, I want to meet your mom so I can formally introduced myself and ask for her permission to properly court her one and only daughter." 

She couldn't help but grin at this small sentiment, "aaww... You're such a sap!" 

"But it's the truth. Honestly, Clarke don't worry about me. I can handle it. I really wanna go." 

She nodded and bit her lips, realizing that Lexa can't see her nod. "Okay. It's settled then. On our first dinner together you will formally meet my mom and I really hope that you'll stick around longer," she hint playfully. 

"I think I have all intention to stick around longer than you'll expected me to. Sad to break it to you Clarke, but your stuck with this girl." 

Rolling her eyes, her lips broke into a chuckle, "I should be the one saying that. You're stuck with a girl with so many monsters haunting her dreams-..." 

"Clarke," the blonde suddenly pursed her lips when the girl cut her in, "whatever you're going through. Whatever you are. Even if you chased me away again. I will  _not_ leave you behind. We're going through this together. I promise you that." 

She couldn't help but smile at those words. She never felt so lucky to have a person like Lexa, accepting and still trusting her after all that she've gone through. "Thank you, Lexa. That means a lot to me." 

"You're always welcome, Clarke. I will always lov-.... Shit!" 

Clarke furrowed her brows at the sudden violent and angry sound booming on the phone. 

 _"Open the fucking door, Lexa! I'm gonna kill you!"_ She then heard something rattling violently and her guess that would be the cubicle door. 

_"I told you I didn't anything wrong! You needed this, Anya! Just go for it!"_

_"I will not fucking go for it! UUGHGHH!!! Open this god damn door! ALEXANDRIA!"_

"Clarke? I think you heard who was that. I have to face Anya now. I don't think the door could hold any much longer." Lexa chuckles. 

"Okay. Please be safe, Lexa. And may the odds be ever in your favor," she added cheekily. 

"Are we in a freaking hunger games, Clarke? This isn't funny. I might get eaten alive-...AAaaahh! Anya?! How did you get in here?!" 

 _"There's this thing called master keys! Give me that!...._ Hi, Clarke. Sorry I have to steal Lexa away from you for awhile. We have some business to attend to. She'll see you tomorrow night though." 

"Oh, hey Anya. That's okay. Take it easy on her will you?" 

"There's no promises though. You're girlfriend did a very very bad thing, Clarke. I think she deserves to be punished." 

_"I did it for you, Anya. Ouw?! Seriously? Dammit!"_

Clarke could hear Lexa seething behind the background until Anya talked over the phone again. "But don't worry. I'll have her in one piece for tomorrow's meet the parent session. Toodles for now!" 

And the phone went dead. 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_So it's settled. I've apologized and the last thing I have to get through now was the dinner. Octavia and Raven said it was a relationship suicide. That eyecandy and I have to build up the momentum first before meeting the parents. Oh how I wish it was that easy and I really want my mom and eyecandy to get along well. I don't think I could date someone with a nagging feeling that my mom hates the person's guts._

_Despite, eyecandy being very confident about the meet up. I wasn't so sure if its just her nerve talking or was it genuine enough. But nonetheless, we have to make this happen. I really could see myself growing old with her. Is it too fast? Oh my god... This is scaring me. I've not fallen deep yet, is it?_

_Oh god, eyecandy... You're making me crazy._

======================Clarke Griffin===================

The knock on the door made her nerves spikes up. It was unnerving that her mother was so relaxed and standing by the kitchen door waiting for her to make a move. "Are you coming, honey?" 

"Yes! Yes, yes," nodding her head vehemently. 

As they made their way towards the front door, Clarke turned around to face her mom, "Mom, please take it easy on her. Please don't scare her away," she begged. 

Abby rolled her eyes, "Clarke, I'm not some vicious mother who will interrogate her daughter's date. You're mature enough and I believe you've chosen wisely because I taught you how to." 

Clarke rolled her eyes and turn to face the door. She took a deep breath and twisted the door open. 

"Hey!" 

"Hey, Clarke," Lexa smiled at her and then looked at the woman whom she recognized was with Clarke during the event, "Good evening, Mrs. Griffin. It's a pleasure to finally meet you" extending her hand. 

Abby smiled and grabs her hand, shaking firmly, "it's nice to meet you, Lexa. I've heard a lot about you." 

Lexa grins and nodded, as her eyes drifted at Clarke's  flushed face. 

"Dinner! Let's get that dinner. Let's go, Lexa," Clarke pulled the girl by the hand and pushed her mom towards the dining area. 

Once they're settled down and half way through dinner, Clarke was relieved that it's been so far so good. They're getting along well. Perhaps... Way too well. 

"So Lexa, I heard that you've been to Grounders campsite?"

"Yes!" Clarke watched those green eyes widens in fascination as she tells her mom about her trip to the wilderness. Seeing all 13 clans up close and personal on the wild historic reservations. "It was amazing, Abby. It's so pure and raw. The feeling of just standing there where the war broke out thousands of years ago, it was amazing. You should visit too, Abby. You won't regret it." 

_Oh did I mention that for the first half an hour they already progressed to first name calling. I know, it's weird._

"One day, Lexa. I will! Maybe you can tour me around. I can see you love historical facts," Abby nodded. 

"Yes! I love anything historical. My best friend Anya was always getting pissed off every time I stared talking about artifacts or documentaries that I've watched." 

Clarke's eyes can't believe what she's seeing. Her mom and Lexa, laughing.  _Together._

"Dessert!" She clapped her hands together and grabs Lexa's forearm, "Lexa can you help me," nodding towards the kitchen. 

"Oh," the girl nodded, feeling caught in the haste for being disrupted from her conversation with Abby. "Okay. Just give me a moment, Abby. I'll help, Clarke out. I'll be right back." 

Once the two girls reached the kitchen, Clarke spun around and pinned Lexa against the fridge. Lexa was taken aback. "Clarke?" 

"Is it just me that I found it so hot that you're getting along so well with my mom?" 

Lexa chuckles, cupping the girl's cheek, "I should do it more often. Maybe take her out on a movie night. Having dinner every now and then. Visit her every weekend. What do you think?" 

Clarke saw nothing but pure and genuine smile. It made her heart swells with joy, knowing that it gives her enough hope that things would turn out well. "Should I be worried? I'm getting mixed signals here, Lexa. Are you dating me or are you ditching me for my mom?" 

The brunette laughed and pecked her on the forehead, "No, Clarke. Dating  _just you._ Hanging out maybe Abby." 

"Hmmm. Glad to hear that. I thought you're gonna break my heart and date my mom instead. I'm glad we had that clear," she grins bashfully. 

"Never. I'm all yours, Clarke," pecking her again on the forehead. 

"Nope. A little bit lower," she said. 

Lexa smiled and kissed her nose, "here?" 

"No, lower." 

She kissed down to her chin, making Clarke smacking her on the arm. 

"Don't make me drag your lips on mine, Lexa," she warned. 

The brunette pulled back and stuck her tongue at her. "You'll just have to wait, Clarke. Patience is virtue." 

"I hate you," suddenly poking her to the sides, earning her a soft giggle from the brunette. 

_"How much longer is that dessert gonna take, Clarke?"_

She crinkled her nose, "we have to go out now. Get out of the way," waving the girl away from the fridge. 

Lexa was quick to her movement when she snakes her hand on the girl's stomach and teasingly whispered on her right ear, "Later, love. It'll take as long as it takes," nipping her her earlobe. 

Clarke hissed, "You're gonna be the death of me, Lexa." 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_Should I be worried that Lexa might be more attracted to my mom than me? Haha. I know it's crazy at how well they're getting along! Throughout the entire dinner I was just sitting there listening to them talking none stop and when I tried to comment or contribute to the conversation both of them would give me a look as if I don't know what I'm talking about._

_Again! Should I be offended?_

_Eyecandy, you're really gonna be the death of me because I'm falling incredibly in love with you._

===================== Lexa Heda =====================

_***3 years later*** _

"Abby!" 

"Lexa! Honey, what are you doing here? You shouldn't be here!" Abby shoved the brunette out of front door, "you might run out of time, Lexa, if you don't leave now. You have to chase after Clarke." 

"I know that, Abby but are you sure? Is this gonna work? I'm afraid it might backfire." 

Abby gave her a dead pan look, "look here, Lexa, I will not allow my daughter to spend another 3 more years for nothing, if you don't do it  _now."_

"So you're sure? Like 100 percent sure?" She was nodding her head violently, she was growing nervous every minute and she just have to double check with Abby. 

"Yes, Lexa! Yes! Yes!" The older Griffin pushed her out of the door and waved her away, "go now, Lexa. Before it's too late!" 

"Okay! Okay," still nodding, "I will make you proud, Abby. You can count on me!" 

Abby grins and looks at Lexa seriously, "make my daughter say 'yes', Lexa." 

Lexa broke into a wide grin and gave a final nod before taking off after Clarke. 

////

Lexa rolled her shoulders, hopping on the ball of her feet to push down the nerves that's about to take over. Anya looked over at her and grins, "you're a mess, Heda." 

"Gee, thanks!" biting her lips at how nervous she was. "1 minute left. Is everything ready?" 

Anya gave her a look, "what else could you possibly need, Lexa? You're all good to go. You're ready for this." 

She nodded in agreement, "I'm ready. Woooh!" She puffed excitedly, trying to ease off her shaking hands. "I'm gonna make her scream, Anya."

The woman chuckled on the brunette's words and patted her on the shoulder, "let's not get too wild, Lexa. It's way too early for that." 

Lexa shot her a a dirty look at her little innuendo, "that's not funny, Anya." 

The girl shot her an 'okay' sign and pointed at the in coming train. Pretty soon, the door slides open and passengers piled out and in they went. The train was pulling out of the station when she felt a hand on her shoulder, "Raven." 

"Everything is ready, Lexa. It's all up to you to make your move." The engineer fiddles with her video camera and gave her thumbs up. 

Lexa gave a one final nod, grabs her phone and hit play. The speaker she was holding suddenly bursted into a song, attracting all eyes on her. "This is it, Lexa. You can do this," she blew a breath and stepped forward towards the other car. 

**_"Said all I want from you_ **   
**_Is to see you tomorrow_ **   
**_And every tomorrow..."_ **   
  


She looks around the next car if she can spot the blonde but she's not there. Quickly, she side stepped and excused herself through the thick crowd with eyes watching her every move.

**_"Maybe you'll let me borrow, your heart_ **   
**_And is it too much to ask for every Sunday?_ **   
**_An while we're at it throw in every other day to start..."_ **

Pursing her lips, the longer time she spends looking for Clarke the more nervous she felt. 

_Where are you Clarke?_

================= Clarke Griffin====================

"Hey, Raven," Clarke frowned when the girl suddenly disappears from behind her. "O, where's Raven?" 

Octavia shrugs and pushed her down on the vacant seat, "let's just sit here, Clarke." She fidgeted on her phone typing away furiously. The blonde narrows her eyes suspiciously. 

"O, what's going on?" she peeked. 

**_"When someone cuts your heart open with a knife and you're bleeding_ **   
**_But I could be that guy to heal it over time_ **   
**_And I won't stop until you believe it_ **   
**_'Cause baby you're worth it..."_ **   
  


Octavia shrugs and gave her an innocent look. Clarke still won't buy it. 

_Something's fishy is happening here._

Clarke turned back around because the music was getting louder and louder. She loves the song by Justin Timberlake, so she smiles welcoming the music that fills the car that she's in. 

**_"So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me_ **   
**_Cause you might fuck around and find your dreams come true with me..."_ **   
  
  


She looks down on her phone and was about to text Lexa to tell her about the music that was playing in the train and when she hit the send button. A text message ringtone echoed in the car, making her look around. 

"Lexa?" 

**_"Spend all your time and your money just to find out that my love was free_ **   
**_So don't act like it's a bad thing to fall in love with me, me_ **   
**_It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me, me...."_ **

The brunette approached her with the speaker high up in the air, Octavia went over to retrieve it. "Clarke."

"Lexa what's going on?" Clarke was starting to feel flustered by their huge audience, watching them with great interest. When she returns her gaze at Lexa, she found her kneeling in front of her with a blue rock. She eyes widens in shock, "Lexa... What are you doing?"

Raven suddenly swooped in with a camera in her hand pointing at them. Clarke glared at her, earning her a chuckle from the engineer. 

"Clarke Griffin, I've spent 3 wonderful years with you. I had the most exciting, amazing, frustrating, maddening and yet, loving years of my life. I can't think of anyone else whom I'd rather spend my life with but none other than you, Clarke." 

The blonde gasped, hearing those words, "Lexa..." She was almost in tears. 

"Please let me be the most luckiest girl in the world by spend your life with me. And promise you I will make you the luckiest and most loved girl in the whole world. Clarke Griffin, please say yes? - or your mom's gonna kill me" Lexa chuckles. 

Clarke bit her lips as she stares at those green teary eyes. 

"Will you be willing to spend your life with me? Will you marry me, Clarke?" Lexa uttered in one breathy breath. 

She didn't even think twice about it, "Yes! Yes, Lexa!" 

Lexa grabbed Clarke in her arms and hugged her tightly, chanting thank you's and I loves you's over and over again.

"I love you too, Lexa." Clarke grins. 

The brunette took one deep breath and slides the ring on her fiance's finger and soon they were showered with congratulations, applauses and whistles. The couple thanks the crowd as they bid them goodbyes and hopped off the train. Raven, Octavia and Anya were trailing behind them and pulling them in for a group hug. 

"Congratulations, you guys!" Octavia grins pulling Clarke and Lexa together. 

"I know you had in you, commander," Raven smirked, patting her on the shoulder. 

Lexa gave her a glare but then laughs because, yes, she finally pulled it off and the love of her life said yes to her. 

"As much as I don't wanna break up you're little celebration but Raven, Octavia and I have to take our leave because we've got some place else to be," Anya pulled the two girls by the collar before she stepped forward and hugged Clarke. "I'm happy for you making my best friend happy, Clarke. So it only means one thing, if you  _ever_ hurt Lexa I will make you regret that you've ever been born." 

"Anya!" Lexa pulled her best friend away from Clarke before snaking her arm around her fiance's waist. The blonde chuckles and waved Lexa away, "it's fine. I think Lexa received the same threats from those two over there," she informed Anya, nodding at Raven and Octavia. 

"I'm just messing with her Lex. Relax," pulling her in for a hug while glaring at Clarke's way murderously. The blonde laughed loudly, making Anya smirks. "I'm happy for you, Lexa. You finally found someone and now you're done whining about growing old, alone and wrinkled with hundreds of cats." 

"Shut up!" Lexa shoved her best friend away as she turns around and faces Clarke with crimson cheeks. 

"You're cute, you know that," Clarke mumbled pulling her fiance by the waist. 

The three girls whistled loudly until Clarke and Lexa shot them a dagger look, sending them away as quickly as possible. Lexa returns her look at Clarke and smiled endearingly. "I'm so in love with you, Clarke Griffin." 

"And I you, Lexa Heda. I love you and thank you for proposing. I was really surprised. Didn't know you're such a sap!" 

"Yeah, well this is all your fault. You're turning me into a sap, Clarke. You're stuck with me now and forever," she grins playfully. 

Clarke rolled her eyes, "not so fast, commander. We're not yet married. We're only engaged." 

"Not for long," she smiles fondly. 

A laughter erupted in her lips, making Lexa shut her up with a kiss. Clarke hummed and pulled her deeper by the neck, "I could definitely get used to that. My fiance kissing me lifelessly."

"Fiance," Lexa nodded, "has a nice ring to it." 

"I think wife has a better ring to it," the blonde chided. 

"Touche, Mrs. Heda." 

"Touche, Mrs. Griffin." 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

_It had been a long crazy 3 months of massive and extensive preparation for the wedding. Thankfully, I have Raven and Octavia dealing for the most part because being a doctor took most of my time. 3 years. I've spent 3 awesome years with eyecandy and I will never regret it. Despite our times together going up and down in a crazy roller coaster, now, we're fully pledged partners for life._

_I never felt so happy in my entire life spending it with eyecandy. 3 years ago, I was just this girl who was mindlessly staring at the girl across the platform - wondering what it be like to get to know her. But now, look at me, I'm happily married to_ that girl  _and I never felt so ecstatic in my entire life._

 _I promise to you eyecandy, I will make you happy ever single day.  
_ _I will make you smile, laugh and giggle._  
I will promise to do the best I can to be the best wife to you.  
I will always love you and care for you until my last dying breath.

_Lexa Heda, you're my life now._

===================Lexa Heda==================

_I never thought I had the guts to pull this off. When I saw you left that train when we first met, I knew I can't let the universe push you away from me. So I did what I had to do. I stepped out of my comfort zone - I stepped out of that train and left you with an expression of me wanting to be a part of your life. I knew on that day, my life had changed, Gold. You, Gold changed me._

_I_ _want no one else but you. Seeing you across the platform with that headset and you bobbing your head to some music, I knew you were someone who's so intriguing. When I noticed you looking at me, I couldn't help but feel like I got electrocuted. It was exhilarating! I always thought, Gold that my life would be simple and quiet, and I was almost contented that I will die on my own - old, alone and wrinkled with hundreds of cats (as according to Anya). But when you came out of nowhere and you approached me inside that train, despite me feeling furious about Finn for touching your hand, just by the way you looked me in the eyes tells me that you're something else. That this girl with baby blue eyes_ is the girl. 

_I heard a story before, about the three saddest math love story._

_It's sad how you only met once and then parted ways forever. I know Finn plays a huge part of your life and he will always be. That's why he'll always be your Tangent because no matter what, I can never change the past how he made you laugh and smile even if it's not me. And for that, I will forever be thankful to him._

_The Parallel line, are the people who witnessed our love for each other. How we recklessly fall madly in love with the eyes of the public watching us. How we first met inside the train, How we spent those times breathing the same air with the people who smiled at our little silly acts of proposal. This are the people who will forever be a part of our lives, Gold. It is sad that we never get to meet this people but we know for sure, that we will always be inside their hearts and minds._

_You, Gold supposed to be my Asymptote. We supposed to come closer and closer from each other that no matter what we do there's always something blocking our way. But then one day fate intervene and said, "it's time!" Oddly, enough it was Finn who introduced you to me. Despite of the things that he had done, he brought you nearer to me. So on that day, we broke the rule._

  _We, Gold are not Asymptote anymore. We're unique couple who loves each other in every possible way. Who brings out the best out of each other and helps and supports in stepping out of the comfort zone. We're different, Gold and I love that about us._

_Clarke Griffin, you and I are completely out of Polis._

_We're extraordinary._

_Because we were meant to be deviant._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi!
> 
> So this is it! FINITO! It's been great writing this with an initial thought of sticking to just one chapter but then extended to 6! It's been awesome guys! Let me know what you guys think! Hit those kudos and comments. 
> 
> Don't worry! More new stories to come. Hope you still stay tune for more!  
> Till then!
> 
> Cheers!

**Author's Note:**

> I was planning to write it in just one post and finito! Cause I mostly wanted to portray the simple possibilities of meeting that certain 'someone' through the most usual places and see how their lives can easily tangle into something different and new. 
> 
> BUT! let me know in the comments below or something if you still wanted me to continue the story in this context. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed the story! Deeply appreciate those hits, kudos and comments! 
> 
> Cheers! :*


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